If your spouse makes more than you

[Anonymous]

Does he/she ever mentions that? I am having a hard time recently since my spouse implied several times that he makes much more then myself. When we met he was just a little bit ahead of me in career. Then he got the job offer in a place where I couldn't work and i, of course, as a good wife supported him and put my job on hold.
Just now I am slowly getting back on my feet but I am very very behind compared to him.
I am so hurt right now I don't even know what to do. Is this the beggining of an end?
Am I alone in this boat?

[Anonymous]

He's a childish jerk.

[Anonymous]

DH never mentions it. Ever. He will always make at least 3x what I make.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes more than double what I make. He has never once mentioned that fact. Your husband is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I would never hold it over my wife's head. And if she moved to support my career, at the expense of her own, I would appreciate her for that. I have to admit that I'd probably be a little insecure if she was making significantly more than me -- not resentful -- but just worried that she'd lose respect for me or feel like I am not pulling my weight. This seems to be a thing with some women.

I think it is unrealistic for people to expect a married couple to be making the same amount. Life, and careers, aren't that simple. People have ups and downs, kids, health issues, various curve balls thrown at them, etc.

[Anonymous]

No DH never mentions it which is nice since I make zero. We are partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH never mentions it which is nice since I make zero. We are partners.

Why would he mention it if you don't even work.

[Anonymous]

My husband constantly reminds me that he makes $30k more than I do ($120k/$150k). He believes this means he doesn’t have to do any housework or childcare, because I should make up the difference in “sweat equity”.

My husband is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Nope. He never mentions it. I'm the one who provides the health insurance for the family, and he considers that golden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No DH never mentions it which is nice since I make zero. We are partners.

Why are you even in this conversation?

[Anonymous]

No, although when I made more he fretted all the time about how he wasn't pulling his weight. I never cared. Hopefully I'll make more again at some point.

[Anonymous]

I use to mention it, DH never did. He made a lot more than me even though we had the same education background. I finally grew up and realized how lucky I was to have married him. I've had a fine career and a great life but still regret having been a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband constantly reminds me that he makes $30k more than I do ($120k/$150k). He believes this means he doesn’t have to do any housework or childcare, because I should make up the difference in “sweat equity”.

My husband is a jerk.

Yes, he is. Or at a minimum, completely immature.

I am a DW and make 3x more than DH. At times I feel resentful, but when I dig deep and look at what’s going on, that feeling happens at the same times I feel DH is being selfish or not supportive. So for me at least, it’s about the underlying feelings at those stressful points and not the actual salary difference. He is my partner and I love him and our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband constantly reminds me that he makes $30k more than I do ($120k/$150k). He believes this means he doesn’t have to do any housework or childcare, because I should make up the difference in “sweat equity”.

My husband is a jerk.

Yes, he is. Or at a minimum, completely immature.

I am a DW and make 3x more than DH. At times I feel resentful, but when I dig deep and look at what’s going on, that feeling happens at the same times I feel DH is being selfish or not supportive. So for me at least, it’s about the underlying feelings at those stressful points and not the actual salary difference. He is my partner and I love him and our family.

Completely relate. I made 2x my DH and feel the same sometimes. You are so right about looking deeper, it's so true that the resentment is not about the money.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is a jerk. This is not normal behavior between spouses.

There was a time when I made 3 times what my DH made. Then our salaries were the same for a few years, then his career took off. Now I stay home with the kids. It would never have occurred to me to say he should handle 75% of the housework because I was making more. Both parties need to own decisions made in regard to the family.

With his mentality of bean counting, does he plan to financially reimburse you for the lost income when you moved to support him? Did he make contributions to your 401k during those years? My guess is not. Tell him to start pulling his weight!