Does time really heal all wounds?

[Anonymous]

I have two children, ages 5 and 7. This year, I have been having difficulties with unexplained periods of distress and worry. My husband suggested I meet with a therapist, which I am currently doing.

One thing that came up, and seems to be something I haven't dealt with, happened in childhood. We were living in a flat in London while my dad finished his PhD. We had neighbors across the hall with an infant. When I was 7, I used to go over there frequently as the parents worked long hours, and weren't there. One morning, I came in and found the baby dead in the crib. Now I know it was neglect and disease. Soiled nappy, vomit on the sheet, and the the infant was rigid. Got my mom, she handed me off to my dad to go to the park, and we never talked about it. My brother was too young to understand what was going on.

It has stuck with me, and my therapist thinks that now that my oldest is 7, unresolved questions and guilt/pain are surfacing. I am working on it. I am putting this out there to see if others have issues that resurface later in life, without warning, that throw your world out of wack.

Perhaps time would have benefited me if I had processed it as a kid. I don't blame my parents. I don't know what I would have done as a parent, and that scares me.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear such a terrible story OP. No, I don't believe that time heals all wounds, but it is good you are talking to a therapist. Sounds like you have a nice husband. Good luck with dealing with all of this as you dredge up past bad experiences.

[Anonymous]

This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

This is the OP. I didn't mean to be cruel. I didn't know how to title it. Maybe the administrator of the this forum can help? My apologies.

[Anonymous]

Time doesn't heal wounds, it merely helps you become used to the pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

This is the OP. I didn't mean to be cruel. I didn't know how to title it. Maybe the administrator of the this forum can help? My apologies.

Hit the "report" button on your op and ask Jeff to modify the thread title.

I think your therapist is on track, and I would expect that they can help you work through this. Yes, things from your past can come back in unsuspecting ways. My mom died when I was a teenager, and it popped up in very unhelpful ways for the next twenty years. I finally landed with the right therapist (and I was older and ready) and finally processed it enough to make it a manageable fact from my past, instead of the repeated stumbling block it had been. I think you'll find this will get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

This is the OP. I didn't mean to be cruel. I didn't know how to title it. Maybe the administrator of the this forum can help? My apologies.

Hit the "report" button on your op and ask Jeff to modify the thread title.

I think your therapist is on track, and I would expect that they can help you work through this. Yes, things from your past can come back in unsuspecting ways. My mom died when I was a teenager, and it popped up in very unhelpful ways for the next twenty years. I finally landed with the right therapist (and I was older and ready) and finally processed it enough to make it a manageable fact from my past, instead of the repeated stumbling block it had been. I think you'll find this will get better for you.

This was helpful to hear. Thank you, and I am sorry about the loss of your mom. My therapist rarely offers advice. She asks questions and interprets, which I greatly appreciate. She did say that it wasn't a good idea to talk about this with my mother yet. If I feel unresolved trauma, she does as well is the thinking. She wants me to work through it a bit more before I ever bring it up. Did tell me to talk to my husband, and he has been great in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

This is the OP. I didn't mean to be cruel. I didn't know how to title it. Maybe the administrator of the this forum can help? My apologies.

Hit the "report" button on your op and ask Jeff to modify the thread title.

I think your therapist is on track, and I would expect that they can help you work through this. Yes, things from your past can come back in unsuspecting ways. My mom died when I was a teenager, and it popped up in very unhelpful ways for the next twenty years. I finally landed with the right therapist (and I was older and ready) and finally processed it enough to make it a manageable fact from my past, instead of the repeated stumbling block it had been. I think you'll find this will get better for you.

I did this. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like you're quite fortunate in life not to have real, pressing concerns from right now to occupy your anxiety-bin, and instead dwell on something that happened a quarter century ago.


I wish I were so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like you're quite fortunate in life not to have real, pressing concerns from right now to occupy your anxiety-bin, and instead dwell on something that happened a quarter century ago.


I wish I were so lucky.

Don’t be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread needs a trigger warning, leaving the title "as is" is cruel.


No time doesn't heal all wounds.

This is the OP. I didn't mean to be cruel. I didn't know how to title it. Maybe the administrator of the this forum can help? My apologies.

This does not need a trigger warning.

OP, what you went through was awful and I am glad you are seeing someone. IMO time gives us perspective, but does not heal all wounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like you're quite fortunate in life not to have real, pressing concerns from right now to occupy your anxiety-bin, and instead dwell on something that happened a quarter century ago.


I wish I were so lucky.

Don’t be a jerk.

OP here. I hope that you have support and help to deal with the pressing concerns you are dealing with. And I also want to say that we never know what people are dealing with. I am a cancer survivor, mom or a SN kid, and helping my mom as she takes care of my father, with dementia. This is not about competitive grieving, and I am not dwelling on something that happened a quarter century ago. I am trying to attend to my mental and emotional health so I can be the best person possible to my family.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but invite you to think that we all have it tough in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like you're quite fortunate in life not to have real, pressing concerns from right now to occupy your anxiety-bin, and instead dwell on something that happened a quarter century ago.


I wish I were so lucky.

Don’t be a jerk.

OP here. I hope that you have support and help to deal with the pressing concerns you are dealing with. And I also want to say that we never know what people are dealing with. I am a cancer survivor, mom or a SN kid, and helping my mom as she takes care of my father, with dementia. This is not about competitive grieving, and I am not dwelling on something that happened a quarter century ago. I am trying to attend to my mental and emotional health so I can be the best person possible to my family.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but invite you to think that we all have it tough in life.

It's nice to see someone respond kindly to a harsh post. Good for you, OP. In answer to your question, time itself does not heal all wounds. You have to allow yourself to process it, then what time will do is let you get used to the pain. You would have processed this childhood experience by now if the adults had talked with you and helped you to do so.

Better late than never, though. My husband had a lot of childhood trauma, was a mess all of his life, and only started therapy in his late 40s. He's like a changed man, now, having finally begun to process and move forward. You'll have to let yourself feel the pain that comes with healing, and then you'll feel better.

[Anonymous]

It heals pain, not wounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like you're quite fortunate in life not to have real, pressing concerns from right now to occupy your anxiety-bin, and instead dwell on something that happened a quarter century ago.


I wish I were so lucky.

Don’t be a jerk.

OP here. I hope that you have support and help to deal with the pressing concerns you are dealing with. And I also want to say that we never know what people are dealing with. I am a cancer survivor, mom or a SN kid, and helping my mom as she takes care of my father, with dementia. This is not about competitive grieving, and I am not dwelling on something that happened a quarter century ago. I am trying to attend to my mental and emotional health so I can be the best person possible to my family.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but invite you to think that we all have it tough in life.

It's nice to see someone respond kindly to a harsh post. Good for you, OP. In answer to your question, time itself does not heal all wounds. You have to allow yourself to process it, then what time will do is let you get used to the pain. You would have processed this childhood experience by now if the adults had talked with you and helped you to do so.

Better late than never, though. My husband had a lot of childhood trauma, was a mess all of his life, and only started therapy in his late 40s. He's like a changed man, now, having finally begun to process and move forward. You'll have to let yourself feel the pain that comes with healing, and then you'll feel better.

I liked reading this.