Just met the Special Ed Teacher - need some calming words

[Anonymous]

Our almost 3 year old DS is about to enter a Special Ed Preschool because of developmental delays. He's also got some sensory issues. We went to the Open House today with his two older siblings - the oldest is a first grader. I brought a supply of diapers and wipes as the letter stated and when I asked his teacher where I should put them she looked at me with the most shocked expression and ask in a very condescending tone, 'Just where is he in terms of potty training? Have you even tried?" I told her that we had tried but that he not only showed no interest in it but that he was terrified of every toilet and potty chair we showed him. Our other kids were all on the late side of everything, including potty training and with everything else we've got going on, it's not one of my priorities. We talked a bit more about it but I was left with the feeling that she was horrified that we weren't working on potty training him. So I'm not feeling so good about things right off the bat.

There weren't a lot of other people/kids at the Open House, these classes tend to be small, so we talked a bit more. I didn't get to feeling any better about things. I was left with the feeling that she was Dolores Umbridge (you know from Harry Potter) and was writing in her mental notebook what she considered our deficincies. The teachers' aides were all sweet and warm and I'm sure it will be a good environment for DS but at this point, she's not inspiring a lot of confidence in me that this is going to be much of a partnership. I know I don't have to like her for her to do a good job with my son but I was just hoping for something different. Any words to soothe me?

[Anonymous]

Is this the only possible classroom assignment? I know that spots sometimes open at Bridges in the fall, might be worth a call.

My kid with sensory issues didn't potty train until 3 1/2. She was in a regular co-op preschool where it just was't a big deal. I'm guessing she does't want to change diapers. I'm not sure that I'd want a person with her attitude and poor social skills potty training my child with issues.

I'm sorry, we had an OT with that kind of attitude and demeanor and it never got better. I also don't think that she did a very good job, in part because we had very different prioritiies. You don't have to be best buds but if your gut was telling you that it is going to be a poor fit I'd try to change it somehow. In our experience a place that treats parents well is a place that treats kids well.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

1. On average kids are potty-trained at 3, so your son is not delayed in that area.
2. "Have you even tried?" does sound rude.
3. I would look into changing schools, even though it might be difficult at this time. This teacher seems to lack basic empathy.

We tried to potty train my son at two, even though he was developmentally delayed, and it was a disaster - at four it is still not over! Do it when you feel he is ready.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it a public or private 'special ed' school? The public sp. ed. preschools normally are prepared for non-potty trained kids.

[Anonymous]

My DD with sensory issues was at a "normal" preschool and did not potty train until after 3. It was fine and they were supportive. This was even before we knew there was a problem.

Follow your gut, though I'd think if they was a school catering to kids with delveopmental delays they understand better

[Anonymous]

There are many books that recommend potty training at 3, especially if you are doing night and day in one shot. DC#1, no delays, potty trained at 3. DC#2, with gross motor and speech delays, potty trained at 3.25. I only once had anyone say anything to me about DC#1 not being potty trained yet, and that was someone at church. Your child isn't even three yet!

I am sorry you are having to deal with this environment, and I hope some of the suggestions above help. DC#2 responded well to early intervention so we have not had to look into non-mainstream placements. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. The teacher's stance is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we're at a public school in Fairfax County, with a reputation for great special ed classes. We don't have much hope that we can change classrooms. We already tried because DS still needs an afternoon nap but they've got him in an afternoon class. When we talked about it, they said that given his challenges, that was the best placement for him and that if we didn't put him in the afternoon class, we'd have to waitlist for a morning class. We would have no idea when or if a morning spot would become available or even if one did that it would be reserved for us. I do understand about placement but I'm not looking forward to moving his naptime back into the morning. I'm sure our daycare provider isn't either. We're hoping this is just a case of us being overly sensitive parents. We're new to the special ed thing and are really looking forward to what special ed can do for our baby boy. With the cost of all the private therapy we're paying for, moving to a private school just isn't an option.

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm goign to give this a try and see what happens. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that the nap gives you an out. I'd call this afternoon and get on that morning waitlist, "he would get so much more out of the program when he is not tired, yadda yadda". Maybe say that his doctor is concerned that he get enough rest and urged you to find a morning program, etc. In our experience, no one wants to be in the afternoon and those that push back get the morning slots. I think that SEd teachers who are lacking in empathy and social skills themselves can do a lot of harm. We have ignored our gut about placement and not pushed and have always regretted it. A harsh teacher with unrealistic expectations who is very focused on potty training could really mess a kid up.

When it feels like a partnership to you, it will feel like one to your little guy too. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Wow. Our 3 year old DD is in a Special needs classroom in MoCo and we have such a different tale to tell. Her teacher-to-be did a home visit with us Weds -- she will start school on Tues. next. We mentioned our efforts toward potty training (very incomplete) and she was so supportive. In fact she said she would be working with her in school and mentioned a few techniques she would try, including purchasing some special training pants for her out of her own money. I have the impression that this is a regular part of the curriculum in her classroom for the 3-4 year olds in it that are ready and she seemed certainly unphased that my DD wasn't trained, and thrilled with whatever small progress we had made over the summer.

I have to say I think this teacher in Fairfax sounds insensitive.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a strange reaction. My guess is that the TAs will be changing him (not the teacher). If you need to find out how she is as a teacher then call FC special edu. services number and let them know your concerns. You may also want to schedule an early IEP or home visit with her and check her out some more. I'm in Reston FC with my 4 year old son and he has great teachers. I did learn that I had to become an advocate for him---for instance, I had to make the case to get OT for him which was not originally part of his IEP plan. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if your child and my child are in the same class? I don't get a warm and fuzzy feeling from my child's teacher this year either.

I would strongly urge you to get on a waiting list for a morning class. I was told the morning classes are for younger children who still take a nap and the afternoon classes are for the older pre-K kids. My child is older so we'll stick with afternoon.

My kid is fully toilet trained now at age 4 - thanks to the effort of former teachers. At 3, I don't think any SN teacher in her right mind should expect a child to be trained. If you don't have a positive impression after the first couple of weeks you should call an IEP mtg. to discuss placement.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you might try scheduling a one on one meeting with the teacher. I don't know how these things work but maybe she was having a bad day (not that that's an excuse) and things would be a bit different if you could talk to her without any of the distractions of an open house. You could try being almost overly warm and positive even if she doesn't seem receptive--maybe she will thaw.

[Anonymous]

I'd 3rd the advice to get on the morning waitlist. I'd also call regularly to see if there is movement. I'd keep a close eye on the teacher, something just doesn't sound right.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for the eadvice everyone. I've asked to be put on the morning waitlist. DS had a good first day yesterday and came home happy. We're scheduled to meet with the teacher next week. Thanks, again!

[Anonymous]

NP here. A friend's son, who has no delays and is attending Georgetown Day, is 5 and still not potty trained. Just depends on the kid, I think. I feel you though--it's already nerve-wracking enough to be starting a new program, and then you get the stink-eye from the teacher--that sucks!