Courage to divorce when you have kids..

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, where do people find that? I'm not talking about divorce under extenuating circumstances like abuse or clear neglect. But a general realization that the person you married just doesn't do it for you anymore. I tend to think that with children involved, you just suck it up and accept that this is the life you signed up for. But I wonder if I inherited that martyr syndrome from my own mother.

For those of you, WITH KIDS, who have dissolved your marriages, what was the final straw?

[Anonymous]

When my then-husband wouldn't give up his sidepiece girlfriend. No abuse or neglect, treated the kid OK. But wouldn't cut it off with her despite explicit requests to stop it.

[Anonymous]

My ex was a cheater. My child did not know and I tried to keep the family together until child finished high school. But I just couldn't take the miserable situation for 6 more years. I also realized that I was modeling really unhealthy decision making for my child. I would never want him to just "stay for the children.". Hopefully I have shown him that it is NOT okay to allow anyone to treat you with such disrespect. It is a hard decision, for sure.

[Anonymous]

We were all deeply unhappy. The kids were so upset and anxious all the time and couldn’t be kids. There was no tolerable way to stay together.

[Anonymous]

My ex was a good father, a good provider and didn't cheat but over time we just drifted apart emotionally and physically. There was no abuse or anything like that just a lack of any desire to stay connected on both our parts. Once we became empty nesters we divorced which surprised many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex was a good father, a good provider and didn't cheat but over time we just drifted apart emotionally and physically. There was no abuse or anything like that just a lack of any desire to stay connected on both our parts. Once we became empty nesters we divorced which surprised many people.

I have a feeling that this will be me.

[Anonymous]

It takes more courage to stay married and honor your commitment.

[Anonymous]

Courage ? That is not the appropriate word to use for your situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were all deeply unhappy. The kids were so upset and anxious all the time and couldn’t be kids. There was no tolerable way to stay together.

This doesn't sound like "no abuse or neglect".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were all deeply unhappy. The kids were so upset and anxious all the time and couldn’t be kids. There was no tolerable way to stay together.

This doesn't sound like "no abuse or neglect".

you can be deeply unhappy short of abuse or neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex was a good father, a good provider and didn't cheat but over time we just drifted apart emotionally and physically. There was no abuse or anything like that just a lack of any desire to stay connected on both our parts. Once we became empty nesters we divorced which surprised many people.

I have a feeling that this will be me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes more courage to stay married and honor your commitment.

+100

[Anonymous]

My ex repeatedly cheated on me and gave me an std on more than one occasion. Final straw that literally had me go look for an apartment and sign the new lease the next day was when he stayed out all night the previous night, I checked his Facebook page and it had his new status as “ in a relationship with Larla.” Larla. Is. Not. My. Name. He publicly claimed someone else while we were still together. Who does that?! I left on the first train smoking. Men, including my ex, view children as the trap that will make you stay.

For those of you who feel the need to say that it takes courage to stay please keep telling yourself that in order to justify the bullshit that you are currently putting up with. You like your facade and that’s fine, but don’t you dare call it courage.

I felt like a super hero when I left. You couldn’t tell me I did not have a cape on. Changed my last name and everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes more courage to stay married and honor your commitment.

+1

[Anonymous]

In the cases of people simply drifting apart, I think there is a true lack of understanding of the work that has to go in to keeping a marriage alive. This is so, so common after having kids and completely normal. There are entire industries dedicating to helping married couples reconnect after having kids. It can be done, the only requirement is that you both try.

That said.... I knew mine was over when after I discovered inappropriate emails between my husband and his coworker that revealed at least an emotional affair, I confronted him and he told me that if I asked him to cut off contact with her our marriage wouldn't survive. And so I kicked him out.