How did you find out your parent had died in a dysfunctional family?

[Anonymous]

Did your other parent notify you? A sibling? Were you expected to, or did you want to, go directly to the house? This is new territory for us.

[Anonymous]

My mother hadn’t talked to her family in about 10 years when my great-grandmother died. My aunt left a message on our answering machine.

When my grandmother died, the same aunt called my mom.

When my uncle died, his girlfriend found me on FB somehow, and left me a message.

[Anonymous]

My father remarried and cut me off when I was 11. He died when I was 28. His friend called my mom to tell me. I did not go to the funeral and to this day (I am 46) do not feel bad about it.

[Anonymous]

We don't plan to tell anyone including aunts/uncle and sibling/her son when my MIL passes. They have no had any interest in her and leave all her care and needs to us. They don't even call to see if she needs anything or if she is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't plan to tell anyone including aunts/uncle and sibling/her son when my MIL passes. They have no had any interest in her and leave all her care and needs to us. They don't even call to see if she needs anything or if she is ok.

that's shitty. communicate now, don't use her death as a means to extract revenge!

[Anonymous]

My grandmother and uncle were/are estranged from me and my mother. When my grandmother passed away, my uncle called me. I then let my mother know. They were in a different state so we did not need to visit at that time. My mother and I both attended the funeral

I just want to say, I've read some of the other comments on this thread and I don't agree with the notion of not telling family when a family member passes. That's not right. No matter how difficult they've been, you should at least let them know. Treat them the way you would want to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Search the online obits

[Anonymous]

When our brother died, the hospital informed our estranged sister of his unexpected death. They left a voice mail. She didn't call any of us. But she did complain to other relatives that her siblings didn't call her (she stopped talking to all of us years ago). We asked the hospital to call her, because she likely had all of our numbers blocked.

Time doesn't heal dysfunctionality.

[Anonymous]

I've had no contact with my bio dad for 20 years. He is a functioning alcoholic and can't be trusted. He lives 30 minutes away and I check the obituarys frquently. I have no contact with his family so I would probably find out via social media.

[Anonymous]

I was told of my step mother's death via a friend who saw it on my step sister's facebook page. Sad because I was close to my step mom, but her DD hated me. Once my father passed away, she put her mom in a nursing home, and didn't allow me any contact. I am confident that my step mother knew I loved her. But it would have been nice to have know when she passed, not a week later.

[Anonymous]

These are helpful answers. I am trying to figure out what to expect. Thanks all.

[Anonymous]

I have one estranged sibling who has asked me never to contact him again. I intend to grant his wish, even if it means he has to read about our parents in the obits. His problem, not mine.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are going through this OP. I got a text from a random number that my father had died. I still don't know who sent the text. I did go to the house.

[Anonymous]

I think about this all the time and wonder how it will go. It's so terribly sad that I might not know if my own mother dies Her choice to be a strange us after years of mental illness

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear about the death in your family, OP. I would go directly to the house and not waste time waiting for someone to tell you. They probably are too dysfunctional to even realize you would want to know. So do what you want/need to do for yourself.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but a cousin's wife found out that her dad had passed when she showed up at a family reunion. My cousin and his wife had been there at the family reunion (a picnic so everyone was all spread out) for 2-3 hours and my cousin's wife casually mentioned to an aunt that she had been hoping to see her dad and did the aunt know where he was / had he arrived yet. The aunt took great pleasure in telling her that her dad had passed 10 months prior!!!!!!!

Sorry for your loss, OP. It sounds like you want to be at the house (I would, too) so you should just go.