I never really have felt like my husband loves me.

[Anonymous]

I don't really know what to do with this feeling, he of course says he does, it's not like I ask him all the time or anything. It's just a feeling. He never asks me about me, or my day, or really anything having to do with me. We've never, since kids, had an amazing sex life kind of 1x a week at most. Several years ago he has a "near affair" where I believe him that nothing happened but it was close to something happening. We did marriage counseling and eventually I got over that. He does travel a ton. This is sort of rambling. He's a good guy, but he spends a lot of non work time golfing. He says he needs it, and I agree to some degree, for his stress level. I guess I just feel unloved and ignored. I have tried in the past to work on making things better, but when you fundamentally feel unloved, it's kind of hard to put in the effort. I do love him, but again hard to access those feelings sometimes.

[Anonymous]

serious question - do you know how he likes to feel loved? I mean, if you show interest in him/ affection the way you want, that may not be what he wants. I'm not talking about sex, but this is more fundamental. Basically, do you know if he genuinely feels loved by you?

[Anonymous]

So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

[Anonymous]

I can relate to your post OP.

No near affair and my DH does make efforts to engage me in conversation, but he's generally a very independent person, introverted, and he works a lot. I'm fairly low on his list of priorities and I feel lonely a lot.

I feel the same way about putting in effort. I almost feel defensive at this point and am in self-protection mode. I don't want to put myself out there and then feel bad. So sometimes it's easier to just not do anything.

We have kids. If we didn't have kids, I would realistically probably not stay with him. Then again, if we didn't have kids I think he'd have more energy to spend on our relationship. But we do have kids and he's a great dad and we have a no-conflict home. We get along fine. So I'm not blowing up my family over this.

I am hopeful that as our kids get older and careers shift that things will improve. I think, in my case, this is possible. I still like him as a person and enjoy being with him and nothing awful has happened that I can't get past. I just feel disconnected. If not, we'll see once my kids are out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

[Anonymous]

So sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really know what to do with this feeling, he of course says he does, it's not like I ask him all the time or anything. It's just a feeling. He never asks me about me, or my day, or really anything having to do with me. We've never, since kids, had an amazing sex life kind of 1x a week at most. Several years ago he has a "near affair" where I believe him that nothing happened but it was close to something happening. We did marriage counseling and eventually I got over that. He does travel a ton. This is sort of rambling. He's a good guy, but he spends a lot of non work time golfing. He says he needs it, and I agree to some degree, for his stress level. I guess I just feel unloved and ignored. I have tried in the past to work on making things better, but when you fundamentally feel unloved, it's kind of hard to put in the effort. I do love him, but again hard to access those feelings sometimes.

If you are financially able to live on your own, leave this situation now. It is eating you up. It's never worth it.

If you are not financially capable to leave, start working harder and save so you can be independent. You are a good person, you deserve a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really know what to do with this feeling, he of course says he does, it's not like I ask him all the time or anything. It's just a feeling. He never asks me about me, or my day, or really anything having to do with me. We've never, since kids, had an amazing sex life kind of 1x a week at most. Several years ago he has a "near affair" where I believe him that nothing happened but it was close to something happening. We did marriage counseling and eventually I got over that. He does travel a ton. This is sort of rambling. He's a good guy, but he spends a lot of non work time golfing. He says he needs it, and I agree to some degree, for his stress level. I guess I just feel unloved and ignored. I have tried in the past to work on making things better, but when you fundamentally feel unloved, it's kind of hard to put in the effort. I do love him, but again hard to access those feelings sometimes.

If you are financially able to live on your own, leave this situation now. It is eating you up. It's never worth it.

If you are not financially capable to leave, start working harder and save so you can be independent. You are a good person, you deserve a good life.

Thanks yes finances aren’t an issue. The kids are still at home though and I’d feel terrible breaking up the family just because of my feelings. Not trying to be a martyr and believe me I have thought about it. I have hope that someday I might meet someone who does love me but I’m also comfortable being on my own, never really been the type to need someone.

[Anonymous]

If he travels a lot and had a near affair I'm sure he's had a real one by now.

[Anonymous]

Pull back. Develop your interest. Find our own golf. The standard "you're being taken for granted and he needs to wake up" advice applies. Goos luck.

[Anonymous]

*interests

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So why did you marry him? Why did you have kids with someone who doesn’t love you?

Not the OP, but she probably didn't feel this way when she married him and set about to have kids with him.

Kids can change everything.

Yes, I didn't feel this way when we got married.

I notice you didn’t answer why you had kids with him.

As I said things were different I guess? Who knows, but can’t turn back time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really know what to do with this feeling, he of course says he does, it's not like I ask him all the time or anything. It's just a feeling. He never asks me about me, or my day, or really anything having to do with me. We've never, since kids, had an amazing sex life kind of 1x a week at most. Several years ago he has a "near affair" where I believe him that nothing happened but it was close to something happening. We did marriage counseling and eventually I got over that. He does travel a ton. This is sort of rambling. He's a good guy, but he spends a lot of non work time golfing. He says he needs it, and I agree to some degree, for his stress level. I guess I just feel unloved and ignored. I have tried in the past to work on making things better, but when you fundamentally feel unloved, it's kind of hard to put in the effort. I do love him, but again hard to access those feelings sometimes.

If you are financially able to live on your own, leave this situation now. It is eating you up. It's never worth it.

If you are not financially capable to leave, start working harder and save so you can be independent. You are a good person, you deserve a good life.

Ridiculous. Unless he's actually having affairs, you just need to work on your marriage. Why wouldn't marriage counseling have put you into this routine?
You should be going out on dates once/week and spending time together as a couple. You should be talking to each other every day, even if just for a few minutes. He should not be out golfing unless you've had date night. What else do you need? You have to communicate this to him.
Back to counseling??