Revenge of the Nerds

[Anonymous]

New York Times article on characteristics of men who commit rape:

[R]epeat offenders often tell similar stories of rejection in high school and of looking on as “jocks and the football players got all the attractive women.” As these once-unpopular, often narcissistic men become more successful, he suspects that “getting back at these women,
having power over them, seems to have become a source of arousal.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/30/health/men-rape-sexual-assault.html

The article mentions that studies on who commits rape suffer from a lot of methodological challenges and there aren't firm conclusions about who is/will be a rapist. But that passage about narcissistic nerds stood out. Other "risk factors":

"Heavy drinking, perceived pressure to have sex, a belief in “rape myths” — such as the idea that no means yes — are all risk factors among men who have committed sexual assault. A peer group that uses hostile language to describe women is another one."

[Anonymous]

Man here. I can see it.

[Anonymous]

So the Brock Turners of the world are the rapists.

Seems equally likely that the former jocks of high school are more likely to be domestic violence perpetrators as well.

[Anonymous]

I think the article strains because it doesn't want to admit that the Revenge of the Nerds scenarios are about sex and not about power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the article strains because it doesn't want to admit that the Revenge of the Nerds scenarios are about sex and not about power.

I had a thought similar to that as well. Seems like there was a period where I heard "rape is about power, not sex" quite a bit. Lately, I haven't been hearing that. That said, I don't know if what I happen to read or hear is at all representative of the scholarly work on the subject.

[Anonymous]

My DD is in high school. sadly, based on her personal experience and that of her friends, there are plenty of popular jock bros out there committing sexual assault and rape.

[Anonymous]

This is the reason why- no matter who was asking me out- if I was saying no, I was always really nice about it- never bitchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the reason why- no matter who was asking me out- if I was saying no, I was always really nice about it- never bitchy.

I take it a step further when I'm alone - I'm polite to every man I see on the street, from the gym attendants to the crack addicts. I make sure not to be rude or brusque or flip off anyone because you don't know which accidental male stranger will knock you out and keep going. Ughh, its such a depressing way of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the article strains because it doesn't want to admit that the Revenge of the Nerds scenarios are about sex and not about power.

I'm PP who said this. I was a nerd in HS and a late bloomer. I've done a lot of soul-searching (way late and I'm ok with any criticism thrown my way and will try to learn from it) about my actions in my college years in the 90s. I am a total prude in public so all of my interactions were with woman I was dating. I'm sure I never touched anyone without consent, but I pushed for a no to become a yes more than once. I definitely used the excuse "we were both in bed together, she wanted me to push."

I think in all three cases, I ended up in long-term relationships with the women, which clouds the issue as well. Not an excuse, but guys were expected to push and we expected the nos. (I did get dumped one time for not pushing. She thought I was a nerd.)

I feel like it was about sex and not power.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if there is a bigger batch of nerds than the men on the Shitty Media Men list. It is beyond obvious that it is guys with their first taste of even minor internet celebrity thinking that they now deserve to have women fall for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the reason why- no matter who was asking me out- if I was saying no, I was always really nice about it- never bitchy.

I take it a step further when I'm alone - I'm polite to every man I see on the street, from the gym attendants to the crack addicts. I make sure not to be rude or brusque or flip off anyone because you don't know which accidental male stranger will knock you out and keep going. Ughh, its such a depressing way of life.

This makes me sad. Is this what we want for our daughters?

[Anonymous]

It's called rape culture.

[Anonymous]

That explains Spacey and Weinstein.

[Anonymous]

My theory is that for every 5 women who revealed the harassment and misbehavior, there are 5 more who consented and got advancement or whatever. A toxic environment in any respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is in high school. sadly, based on her personal experience and that of her friends, there are plenty of popular jock bros out there committing sexual assault and rape.

There are, but sadly also the “sensitive, artistic types” in music, drama, and art clubs, and even the nerdy guys who invite you over to play video games. Unfortunately, the girls blame themselves and if they report, they are shamed, bullied, etc.