Is it normal to go years not talking to immediate family members (parents, siblings)?

[Anonymous]

I realized the other day that I haven’t spoken to my brother in at least 3 years when we were both visiting my parents’ house at the same time. Before that it must have been at least two years since I had last seen him. I have a niece whom I have never met. I do interact with my SIL on FB but my brother is not on any form of social media.

At this point, it’s been so long that I would feel awkward calling him just to chat. We have no relationship whatsoever.

I do talk to my mom but I have the same issue with my dad as with my brother - we never speak on the phone and I see him in person only once or twice a year (basically when my mother forces him to accompany him on a visit to our house at Christmas) and they are very limited visits. I’s just odd to me that no one in my immediate family sees an issue with this or would like to change it. My mother is delusional and still thinks we are still a “happy family.”

It worries me for the future. I can’t imagine going months or years not speaking to my kids.Is it normal for families to drift apart this way?

[Anonymous]

It's not normal, but it's also not uncommon. I have had similar issues with my own mom and my DH hardly talks to his one brother and hasn't talked to his other brother for several years. Take heart, though, I have faith that we can make it different for our kids.

[Anonymous]

It's normal if your brother is a pompous ass like mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal if your brother is a pompous ass like mine.

+1

[Anonymous]

My family is the same way. I think it's more normal than you think. I think the families who are in constant contact and in everyone's business are the abnormal ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal if your brother is a pompous ass like mine.

+1

+2!

[Anonymous]

No. This is so sad.

[Anonymous]

My brother and I are like this but I do see him twice a year. I travel there. I probably wouldn't if he didn't live near my dad.

It is sad. His wife doesn't like me. We were great friends before he got married, and I like her well enough. I am too heathenish for her I think.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's normal, but I also think it's more common than many people would guess. My family is similar. There's no ill-will .... there's just no will at all. In my case, I consider it to be a side effect of being raised in the presence of significant depression going back at least two generations. There's only a little bit of alcohol use and other maladaptive behaviors that tend to result in more traditionally dysfunctional families.

[Anonymous]

It would be weird if you guys were close as kids and don't speak. But if it's a natural progression of the relationship/personalities, I'd say absent bad feelings, it's fine.
- Someone that talks to her sister and parents nearly ever day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be weird if you guys were close as kids and don't speak. But if it's a natural progression of the relationship/personalities, I'd say absent bad feelings, it's fine.
- Someone that talks to her sister and parents nearly ever day.

No we were 5.5 years apart and never close.

[Anonymous]

I rarely talk to my brother and sister but we all text. We live in 3 different states and don't see each other sometimes for years.

[Anonymous]

I don't talk to my sisters that often (we live far apart and aren't phone people) but we send emails and usually end up seeing each other once every year or two. There's not bad feelings between us and we get along great when we are all together.

I talk to my parents weekly though and email in between. My sisters are much worse about keeping in touch with them.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it is normal, but I have gone several years without speaking to one of my siblings. He is a very bitter, unhappy individual who is negative and a huge downer to be around. Unfortunately, he has not sought help for his issues. The only reason I am speaking to him now is because our mother died and I am the executor of the estate. It has been draining to deal with him, and cannot wait until the estate is settled.

[Anonymous]

I have some family members, siblings, I am very distant from. I don't think it's "normal" at all -- it's quite clearly a way of us all coping with a difficult upbringing that we all went through. But there's also some personality involved, as none of us are really super extroverted types. I am also going through some personal difficulties now, and that makes me pull away from others. My sister and I have talked about staying closer, but we don't really do it. When I do spend time to her there's just a rush of negativity (our common way of discussing our shared past) that makes it really difficult. I think we'd have to rebuild our relationship just based on more normal, every-day things. I hope to do so one day!

Also we had a pretty bad model of family closeness. My dad literally NEVER called me once I left for college. I would go months and months without talking to him, from the time I was 18 on. I think it's been 2 years now since I talked to him.