Is it normal to go years not talking to immediate family members (parents, siblings)?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be weird if you guys were close as kids and don't speak. But if it's a natural progression of the relationship/personalities, I'd say absent bad feelings, it's fine.
- Someone that talks to her sister and parents nearly ever day.

No we were 5.5 years apart and never close.

That's you writing that above, right, OP? That's enough of an age spread that, combined with things like being different genders (yeah, it can matter) and, if it applies, having different interests and/or personalities, means you and your brother were somewhat likely candidates for falling out of touch. Before others who say this is not normal come on to protest that they're super-close to a sibling who is much older or younger or who is the opposite gender etc. -- yes, that does happen too. But unless OP and brother had similar interests or their parents actively tried to foster closeness between them, it's not wildly crazy that they might have drifted apart as adults.

OP, consider this: Your age difference was enough that one of you was in the last years of high school when the other was still in elementary. One was off at college (or just out of the family home) when the other was barely starting middle school. No common friend groups, probably, and maybe no activities together except whatever your parents said was "family" activity such as church--?. My brother and I were more than four years apart and kind of like this -- he had totally different interests, is a very different person from me, and was just enough older that we didn't play together as kids; he was off doing his own thing by the time I was old enough to be interested in having a sibling anyway.

Add to that: You're in touch with SIL on FB. Keeping up via social media can -- this is my opinion -- give a kind of false feeling that we're in touch with someone when we really aren't. Your SIL posts about what her whole family, including her husband, your brother, is doing, right? So it may make you feel that you generally know what's up with them even if you haven't seen them or spoken to/e-mailed/texted/phoned/visited them, or him. Then you realize, as you now have, that....you haven't actually kept up with him, you've been following his family's life on FB. Nothing wrong with FB following and SIL telling you any news, but can you see what I mean when I think it can produce a false impression that we're truly in touch?

So I'm saying, please don't waste energy beating yourself up over this, or worrying about whether your own kids will fall out of touch with siblings or with you. Take that energy and re-establish direct contact with your brother. No need for a formal re-introduction or explanation other than, "Hey, I realized it's been a long time since we talked" and take it from there. Ask about your niece, ask about his job, whatever. Keep it light. Things will build. Don't fret over whether it's normal or not or whether folks here online think it's odd; just go with your gut and get in touch with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's normal if your brother is a pompous ass like mine.

+3 except change it to BIL. It's been well over 10 years and no regrets from H or me.

[Anonymous]

It's likely that when my parents are gone, I will never see or speak to my brother again unless his children have major milestone celebrations. They are old enough that I have a separate relationship with them. It's a combination of introverted personalities and resentment on his part surrounding our mother's divorce, remarriage, and second child (me; we are half siblings). He sees my parents (his mother and stepfather) frequently but it is 99% the result of active grandparenting to his children. In fact, once the youngest leaves home I doubt he will continue to engage with my parents at all. He has a father and their relationship is not great, either.

[Anonymous]

It's been over a year since I've seen my sister. I don't think I've had a phone convo in over a decade. We text occasionally and I always send her money for her birthday and christmas (she's very poor). She never visits even when I offer up plane tickets. We aren't close but we don't hate each other.

It only annoys me when my parents spend holidays with her instead of me. I go on trips with my parents and I travel to them often so they feel they should spend holidays with her instead of my family.

[Anonymous]

I grew-up with my step-brother and step-sister and I don't speak to either. I visit my parents (mom and step-dad) and my step-sister lives close by but I rarely see her or her family. I haven't spoken with my step-brother in 8 years, I chat regularly with his ex-wife and their kids, though! She's more a part of the family than he is at this point. He has since remarried and has 3 more children I have no relationship with. It's a shame but it is what it is. I used to send gifts to their kids but it was never reciprocated with my kids so I stopped.

[Anonymous]

I don’t speak with my brother very often, he’s better about it now via text but for a long time I would only see him a few times a year at my parents house without speaking in between visits. We have a fine relationship. If he ever needed anything I would help him.

[Anonymous]

I no longer speak with my half brother, and it's simply better that way. I wish him well. Better to be distant that argue, or have bad feelings.

[Anonymous]

DH and his brother is like this. They are both weird, IMHO. They "nothing" each other. BIL has 2 kids my DH doesn't care a thing about and my BIL hasn't even seen a photo of my kids, nor does he care to. BIL's wife was terrible to me at a funeral several years ago so you might say we don't get along - which doesn't help the relationship between the brothers we married - but our problems are by no means the cause of their indifference and lack of contact.

[Anonymous]

It’s been 7 years since I’ve spoken to my brother. I speak to his ex and daughter almost daily though. My other brother is my best friend. Family dynamics are a mixed bag.

[Anonymous]

i agree with others that it’s more common than people think. i am close with my parents; i talk to them several times a week. however, they can definitely be too involved in my life at times and it’s hard for me to set limits. that’s just my own personal weakness. my sister is pretty self centered and into her own world. i try to talk to her regularly, but it gets tiring hearing her go on and on about her stuff and never asking one word about anyone else. my husband talks to his mom, but really has no relationship with his brother and minimal with his dad. my mom has a totally dysfunctional brother and my dad is close with one of his three sisters. so when i think about my extended family, tension within nuclear families seems more common than not. it’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal if your brother is a pompous ass like mine.

+1

My brother is a pompous ass. Who uninvited me to his oldest daughters wedding because I stood up to his and his homely wife’s crap. So not speaking to a sibling like him is only natural. Him and my older sister gold dug my mother to turn her against her two younger children ( I’m one of the younger ones) . Also my older brother is a pompous loser who has never had a career but chose to live off his ugly wife’s parents money ( her being an only child) so he does not dare grow a pair and stand up to her as she’s supported his “ loser if a lifestyle”

We don’t speak , he believes living in his delusional world of how intelligent he thinks he is makes him better than all other people. He preaches in churches but the two of them change religions all the time as soon as they meet someone who disagrees with them .

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are only a year apart, but we were never close. As adults, we chose to move to opposite ends of the country, and only see each other ever 2-3 years when we both happen to be home for Christmas at the same time.

We do both talk to our parents several times a week though.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 siblings. One brother we text almost everyday and see 2-3x a year. I am close to his kids and his ex wife. My other brother we can go months and months without communicating. I see him 2-3x a year and we get along when we are together but we just have nothing to talk about. Last time he texted me he wanted to know what my netflix password was. My sister and I don't talk very much but we have taken trips together. We are both very busy with day to day life but we connect when we are together so there is a closeness there.

[Anonymous]

I adore my sister but aside from a few random texts here and there, we don't talk all that often. We live in different parts of the country but we do tend to see each other a couple of times a year. When we see each other, it's like no time has passed, and we get along great, but we aren't good at keeping in touch. She is a big facebook person and I'm just allergic to social media, so that doesn't help. She is also six years older than I am, and we haven't lived in even the same state I was twelve years old.

However, if I needed her, I feel like I could absolutely get on the phone and she would do whatever she could for me, immediately. And vice versa. So there is a familial bond there.

We both speak to our parents daily.