Custody trial in court-should I ask for it?

[Anonymous]

DH filed for divorce and wants 50-50 custody. He loves the kids but has slapped son few times last year when angry.
I want to take this to a judge to decide, is that a wise course of action?

[Anonymous]

That's a bit extreme to ask for him not to be a parent for a few slaps. No, it was not in his finest moments but you have probably made mistakes too. If it was such an issue, you should have called child welfare and left/taken the kids then.

[Anonymous]

If you went to trial I’m 99% sure that information alone wouldn’t give you a leg to stand on.

[Anonymous]

You are angry that he filed and looking for revenge or that is what it will look like/

[Anonymous]

Did he cheat on you?

[Anonymous]

You'd spend a ton of money and lose.

[Anonymous]

OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

[Anonymous]

Many lawyers offer free consultations. Even if you don’t hire that lawyer you could still get free legal advice from a professional, which is better than what you’re going to get here.

FWIW, my lawyer advised that the standard in Fairfax and Loudon was for the court to grant 50/50 custody unless there was documented abuse, neglect, or some other criminal activity on the part of one of the spouses. She advised that I not petition the court for anything other than 50/50 custody because it would be a waste of time and money. Luckily for me and my kid, my ex with anger issues has no interest in parenting so he agreed to the custody schedule I wanted outside of court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

This won't make a hill of beans of difference ever. Don't waste your money.

[Anonymous]

If you didn't report it to anyone when it happened, unfortunately it won't mean much now. How old is your son? Make sure you photograph/document if it happens again.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone.
If we agree on 50/50, atleast I want it documented some where beforehand that Dad can get physical (slap, push, force feed, throw beverage etc) when angry.
So if it happens again, it is just part of a pattern and not something I am making up?
I want to show that even with these issues I agreed to 50/50, but if it happens in his time again and also to other younger kid, I want some custody revision or have him go to therapy etc.

[Anonymous]

OP here, son is 10, can he be a witness for himself or his younger sibling as he gets older? Again in future, and not retroactively.
There is a large age gap between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

That will not happen, OP. If you wanted the court to know that your husband gets physical when angry, you need to call the cops when it happens and file a report.

That said, what you are describing does not sound like something that would be actionable in court, tbh. Unfortunately, we allow parents to discipline physically, and as a result, situations like this may be categorized as parental discretion over discipline.

If you believe that your children are in danger in his custody, you need to have a lot more to go on than what you described, and it almost certainly needs to be reported to the police, documented at the hospital, etc. before you are going to get anything from a court.

That said, your lawyer can write just about anything into a separation agreement. It may not be enforceable, but it will give you something to point to. Something such as "The Parties agree that no physical methods of discipline will be used on Larlo and Larlan."

[Anonymous]

Ask your lawyer.
I wouldn't spend more money than you already are just to let the judge know your ex slapped his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

That will not happen, OP. If you wanted the court to know that your husband gets physical when angry, you need to call the cops when it happens and file a report.

That said, what you are describing does not sound like something that would be actionable in court, tbh. Unfortunately, we allow parents to discipline physically, and as a result, situations like this may be categorized as parental discretion over discipline.

If you believe that your children are in danger in his custody, you need to have a lot more to go on than what you described, and it almost certainly needs to be reported to the police, documented at the hospital, etc. before you are going to get anything from a court.

That said, your lawyer can write just about anything into a separation agreement. It may not be enforceable, but it will give you something to point to. Something such as "The Parties agree that no physical methods of discipline will be used on Larlo and Larlan."

Great, that would be wonderful to get that in writing.
I basically want to show my son that hitting is not ok, and I took steps within my capacity to prevent it or atleast bring it to light. I dont want to be viewed as an enabler.
But yes I should have called CPS but I used to intervene when they had arguments instead, which actually caused friction between DH and I. One of the major reasons for separation.