Custody trial in court-should I ask for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

That will not happen, OP. If you wanted the court to know that your husband gets physical when angry, you need to call the cops when it happens and file a report.

That said, what you are describing does not sound like something that would be actionable in court, tbh. Unfortunately, we allow parents to discipline physically, and as a result, situations like this may be categorized as parental discretion over discipline.

If you believe that your children are in danger in his custody, you need to have a lot more to go on than what you described, and it almost certainly needs to be reported to the police, documented at the hospital, etc. before you are going to get anything from a court.

That said, your lawyer can write just about anything into a separation agreement. It may not be enforceable, but it will give you something to point to. Something such as "The Parties agree that no physical methods of discipline will be used on Larlo and Larlan."

Great, that would be wonderful to get that in writing.
I basically want to show my son that hitting is not ok, and I took steps within my capacity to prevent it or atleast bring it to light. I dont want to be viewed as an enabler.
But yes I should have called CPS but I used to intervene when they had arguments instead, which actually caused friction between DH and I. One of the major reasons for separation.

I'm the PP.

You need to decide what your main concern is.

If you are concerned that your children will be unsafe while in the custody of their father, that is something that needs to be negotiated during the divorce. If your concern is more that your son understands that hitting is not acceptable and that he knows that you did what you could to protect him, including divorce his father, that's between you and your son. I would strongly advice you to meet with a counselor to figure out how to have that conversation with your son. In the meantime, you can just reinforce not hitting.

Having worked with CPS in a professional capacity, what you have described doesn't even sound like something that would rise to the level of investigating. Divorce is complicated and stressful. If you do not believe that your kids are in danger and your main concern is not enabling, then you need to work with some kind of parenting coach or coordinator to agree on parenting strategies. Unfortunately, absent serious abuse, that's mostly a voluntary process, so if your ex doesn't want to participate, he can just blow it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here I don't want full custody either, but I want the courts to know he can get physical when angry. At least if it escalates further, in future I have it in writing to get custody modified or therapy for him.

That will not happen, OP. If you wanted the court to know that your husband gets physical when angry, you need to call the cops when it happens and file a report.

That said, what you are describing does not sound like something that would be actionable in court, tbh. Unfortunately, we allow parents to discipline physically, and as a result, situations like this may be categorized as parental discretion over discipline.

If you believe that your children are in danger in his custody, you need to have a lot more to go on than what you described, and it almost certainly needs to be reported to the police, documented at the hospital, etc. before you are going to get anything from a court.

That said, your lawyer can write just about anything into a separation agreement. It may not be enforceable, but it will give you something to point to. Something such as "The Parties agree that no physical methods of discipline will be used on Larlo and Larlan."

Great, that would be wonderful to get that in writing.
I basically want to show my son that hitting is not ok, and I took steps within my capacity to prevent it or atleast bring it to light. I dont want to be viewed as an enabler.
But yes I should have called CPS but I used to intervene when they had arguments instead, which actually caused friction between DH and I. One of the major reasons for separation.

I'm the PP.

You need to decide what your main concern is.

If you are concerned that your children will be unsafe while in the custody of their father, that is something that needs to be negotiated during the divorce. If your concern is more that your son understands that hitting is not acceptable and that he knows that you did what you could to protect him, including divorce his father, that's between you and your son. I would strongly advice you to meet with a counselor to figure out how to have that conversation with your son. In the meantime, you can just reinforce not hitting.

Having worked with CPS in a professional capacity, what you have described doesn't even sound like something that would rise to the level of investigating. Divorce is complicated and stressful. If you do not believe that your kids are in danger and your main concern is not enabling, then you need to work with some kind of parenting coach or coordinator to agree on parenting strategies. Unfortunately, absent serious abuse, that's mostly a voluntary process, so if your ex doesn't want to participate, he can just blow it off.

There is no physical threat or danger, they typically reconcile within 15-20 minutes, which would be the case even without slapping in a disagreement.
However my son does feel humiliated and scared (scarred too) in some situations. I wish I had pursued some parenting strategies but yes ex was blowing it off as minor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is no physical threat or danger, they typically reconcile within 15-20 minutes, which would be the case even without slapping in a disagreement.
However my son does feel humiliated and scared (scarred too) in some situations. I wish I had pursued some parenting strategies but yes ex was blowing it off as minor.

NP. If there is no physical threat, then negotiate the best visitation agreement you can. If you go to trial just for the purpose of telling a judge that your ex has slapped the child a few times, but you didn't think it was necessary to call the cops/cps, then you could look vindictive and get less parenting time.

I don't know what type of visitation agreement you want, but letting a judge come up with one is always worse than negotiating the one you and your ex want.