If your marriage rebounded from a dry spell.. how?

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in our 40s and have a toddler. We're tired all the time and a sex has just not been made a priority since DS was born. DH is also on a drug that reduces his libido. So while we talk about it like "yeah we should do that," neither of us has been motivated to initiate. Marriage is happy and solid, but we're missing this piece. How do we get our groove back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are in our 40s and have a toddler. We're tired all the time and a sex has just not been made a priority since DS was born. DH is also on a drug that reduces his libido. So while we talk about it like "yeah we should do that," neither of us has been motivated to initiate. Marriage is happy and solid, but we're missing this piece. How do we get our groove back?

Grandparents around? Have them stay with kids and you guys get a hotel, even just local...

[Anonymous]

In the same boat for years. Sorry I don’t have advice!

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound “fun” but we literally schedule it and don’t skip it unless one of us is ill. Otherwise, I don’t know that we’d ever do it. In fact, I know we wouldn’t because we went months without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound “fun” but we literally schedule it and don’t skip it unless one of us is ill. Otherwise, I don’t know that we’d ever do it. In fact, I know we wouldn’t because we went months without.

I agree with this advice. Make it sometime when you are fairly certain toddler will be asleep or away on a regular basis. Sunday morning, so everybody is rested is a good time.

The scheduling doesn't sound sexy, and I know it can turn some people off. But instead of thinking about it as scheduled and a chore, think of it as a date. A date for Sunday morning is kind of sexy, and something to anticipate.

[Anonymous]

Definitely schedule and find a way to 'anticipate' it a bit (glass of wine, bubble bath before, etc.). For me, my hormones definitely were out of whack after one kid but came back after we had another (not sure correlation = causation so it might have just been my age/ hormones). But it definitely got better for me several years after the first baby.

[Anonymous]

We schedule it. It's literally on our Google Calendar. Even with that, we're probably only at 50% success. Mostly because by the time we get to bed, we're already exhausted.

My other solution has been pre-daycare pick up sex. On a day I work from home, he comes home a bit early and we have enough energy and interest to enjoy it. A quick shower and we pick up the kids.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for scheduling. We put it on the calendar 1x per week when we know we have time.

[Anonymous]

Local hotels are awesome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Local hotels are awesome

This backfired on us - it put wayyyy to much pressure on the interaction.

[Anonymous]

We're a household with 3 kids and we shoot for 5am and typically stick to that schedule twice a week.

The touch of my ass is when I know it's on and popping. If this couldn't happen, we'll be in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Local hotels are awesome

This backfired on us - it put wayyyy to much pressure on the interaction.

Scheduling can probably be problematic for some couples for similar reasons. If it's just a hectic schedule bumping sex down on the priority list, and both partners generally like sex when it's happening, scheduling and the occasional hotel are probably good strategies. If something else is going on - resentment, body image issues, etc. - the pressure that comes from the expectation of having sex can make someone's libido even worse.

[Anonymous]

“Pressure that comes from expectation of having sex”

You mean like being in a committed relationship?
Is that too much pressure? Remain single and don’t date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Pressure that comes from expectation of having sex”

You mean like being in a committed relationship?
Is that too much pressure? Remain single and don’t date.

Yep. Friend I have did not like scheduled sex. It just didn't work for them.

[Anonymous]

Date night in when kid goes to sleep. Drink some wine, stay up late, and have great sex. We reversed our dry spell after 2 kids this way.