Spouse not accepting 2 year old isn't potty trained

[Anonymous]

Spouse wanted to do the Oh Crap! thing when DS was 2. IMO he wasn't really asking about the potty but ok. Did the naked/commando stuff. Now DS is 2 years + 2 months but really only asks for the potty when he has to poop, still having a fair number of pee accidents. He'll just be standing somewhere, with us in the room, and then start to go - he doesn't even say potty. Because of this we moved him back from underwear to commando but didn't really make a difference. He is definitely capable of asking to use the potty and knows what it is because he'll ask for it (a) when he has to poop and (b) when he wants to get out of something else (e.g. he doesn't want to get a haircut, or he wants to stay up longer at night).

My view is, the longer this pattern goes on, the harder is going to be to change and therefore we should just go back to diapers for few months. Spouse refuses this and we had a huge fight over it. Any ideas?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Actually potty train your kid. Just letting him go pantsless is not potty training him.

[Anonymous]

Sit him on the pot to pee with regularity. Don’t wait for him to ask.

[Anonymous]

It’s hugely stressful. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I think your spouse is right but you need to be asking more about the potty. Also, mine trained very quick but sort of backslid when he started seeing how long he could go...they have to learn and they won't learn by going back to diapers. It's just part of the process.

[Anonymous]

You already conquered the hardest part - pooping on the potty. DO NOT GO BACK. Deal with the wet pants and have rewards for peeing on the potty. Seriously, if you go back, your son may revert to wanting to poop in diapers and then you have a real problem.

At 22 months, DS wanted to use the potty after he saw a little friend use it - so we let him, he peed and we never went back to diapers. A little messy from time to time but after a couple of weeks he got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse wanted to do the Oh Crap! thing when DS was 2. IMO he wasn't really asking about the potty but ok. Did the naked/commando stuff. Now DS is 2 years + 2 months but really only asks for the potty when he has to poop, still having a fair number of pee accidents. He'll just be standing somewhere, with us in the room, and then start to go - he doesn't even say potty. Because of this we moved him back from underwear to commando but didn't really make a difference. He is definitely capable of asking to use the potty and knows what it is because he'll ask for it (a) when he has to poop and (b) when he wants to get out of something else (e.g. he doesn't want to get a haircut, or he wants to stay up longer at night).

My view is, the longer this pattern goes on, the harder is going to be to change and therefore we should just go back to diapers for few months. Spouse refuses this and we had a huge fight over it. Any ideas?

You are DEAD WRONG and your husband is right. "Can you do pee-pee?" (or whatever you call urination) and not "do you have to go pee-pee?". Stay with it and talk about why he had an accident at a given time. Ask him to stop urinating once he starts (key for my DD - she would forget and start to pee but quickly remember and stop the flow - a good sign). Huge congratulations for every successful potty trip (or reward - whatever you are doing). Pee with him - for some reason this helps my kid go when I need her to go but she doesn't have to go (like before a class or car trip).

Humans are programmed to take the path of least resistance. If you let him go back to diapers - which is easier for him - you will have a miserable time getting him out.

Keep going forward!

[Anonymous]

OP here.

We are still prompting him all the time. And most of the time if we ask if he needs to go we get a NO however he also just says no to a lot of things regardless bc of his age. So we make him sit on the potty anyway.

But I feel like, if we are just forcing him to sit on the potty every couple hours, that is not really potty trained...he needs to be able to ask for it and not have accidents. Or are my expectations too high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

We are still prompting him all the time. And most of the time if we ask if he needs to go we get a NO however he also just says no to a lot of things regardless bc of his age. So we make him sit on the potty anyway.

But I feel like, if we are just forcing him to sit on the potty every couple hours, that is not really potty trained...he needs to be able to ask for it and not have accidents. Or are my expectations too high?

At that age bringing to the potty is pretty normal. While I trained my kids much later than you, the fact that he willingly poops on the potty is huge! I wouldn't go back just based on that fact alone. That's a big hurdle for most kids. Is he still in pull-ups at night or nap time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

We are still prompting him all the time. And most of the time if we ask if he needs to go we get a NO however he also just says no to a lot of things regardless bc of his age. So we make him sit on the potty anyway.

But I feel like, if we are just forcing him to sit on the potty every couple hours, that is not really potty trained...he needs to be able to ask for it and not have accidents. Or are my expectations too high?

Your expectations are too high. Keep taking him to the potty. He'll get it, sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

We are still prompting him all the time. And most of the time if we ask if he needs to go we get a NO however he also just says no to a lot of things regardless bc of his age. So we make him sit on the potty anyway.

But I feel like, if we are just forcing him to sit on the potty every couple hours, that is not really potty trained...he needs to be able to ask for it and not have accidents. Or are my expectations too high?

I partially agree--a kid isn't fully potty-trained until s/he can recognize the need to go and head to the potty at least a few seconds before going. But the stage where you put the kid on the potty at regular intervals is a part of the process. No kid goes from diapers to fully potty-trained--pretty much every one goes through this intermediate stage. And once you get rid of diapers, you really, really, really, really shouldn't go back, because the next time you try to get rid of them will be much, much harder.

[Anonymous]

There is some truth that boys are harder to train. Mine would much rather play, easily distracted and ignore the urge to pee, etc (my personal hypothesis).

Are you a sahm Op,have a nanny, daycare? Whose doing the brunt of potty training during the coarse of the day?

Consistency helps - automatic first thing in the morn, nap, before bath, bed. Start there. Predictably sitting on the potty helps.

It's so tedious though, hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Get him one of those reminder watches to help motivate him to do it each hour. It's no different from adults being motivated to get up and walk when their FitBit tells them they've sat too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

We are still prompting him all the time. And most of the time if we ask if he needs to go we get a NO however he also just says no to a lot of things regardless bc of his age. So we make him sit on the potty anyway.

But I feel like, if we are just forcing him to sit on the potty every couple hours, that is not really potty trained...he needs to be able to ask for it and not have accidents. Or are my expectations too high?

1. Never ask - tell him it is time to try to pee. We had "wee-wee crackers" (cheddar goldfish) for the reward.

2. No, he is not really potty trained - he is in the process of being potty trained. Your expectations are WAY too high.

[Anonymous]

Diapers are infinitely easier for you, OP. That is the only reason you are considering going back.

Pooping on the potty is HUGE! Please - keep going.