I would die for my kids, so I stay for them
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Anonymous
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Married 18 years. Zero passion zero connection zero sex left. We are roommates. Many days I want a divorce. But we have three kids who don't see strife, have a home with two parents who get along and love them and are raising them in a supportive environment where they are thriving-- successful in school, in sports, dance, etc.
When I think of divorce sometimes I think I would be happier but my kids would be crushed. So I sacrifice my happiness for them. I, like many parents, have said I would die for my kids, so I endure this unhappiness for them. So many people on DCUM make divorce sound so easy or seem to celebrate it and I am just not there.... |
Anonymous
| Why not have an open marriage then? |
Anonymous
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Get out of the house more. Go out and make friends. Get a hobby going. Join a club. Do whatever one does when living with a roommate! My mother traveled a lot with me. We saw the world together. As an adult, I see she was happy to get away from the pressures of her marriage to a pretty difficult guy. Love ya, Dad, but you weren't easy. 
Live, girl! |
Anonymous
| I dont think you're doing your children any favors by pretending. Don't use them as your excuse for staying. |
Anonymous
| I am sure your DH is also making the same sacrifice. Give him credit too. |
Anonymous
| Are you a sahm? |
Anonymous
| My dad getting remarried was one of the best things that ever happened to me because I saw what a real, love-based relationship was supposed to look like. |
Anonymous
Well if only it were that easy.... |
Anonymous
What do you want, a medal? |
Anonymous
| How do you get along? |
Anonymous
+2 In my marriage, however, the love didn't wither - it was beaten to death by abuse and addiction. Within a year of leaving (after years of contemplating leaving) I met my match. I had two kids under five and he treated (and treats) them with more empathy, joy, and compassion than their bio dad. I am happy to have taken the significant risk of leaving - I finally had a happy marriage and a happy home in which my kids could grow up. This was over twenty years ago, and we are still going strong. |
Anonymous
| Your kids might pattern there marriages after what they see in the home. And that's the real shame. |
Anonymous
OP here. What they see in the home is two people who get along. We all have dinner together most nights. We go to church as a family every week. There is plenty of laughter. They see love for them. What they don't see are the things they wouldn't see anyway -- the passion, the sex, the indifference. I was just struck by the thread the other day about the woman who was leaving her DH and there was so much celebrating and my word you are talking about destroying a family... Her situation could be much different. But I don't think leaving would make everything magically better. I would love for the passion and attraction and joie de vivre to return but just don't see it. But again, to the original point, I would do anything for my kids and I sincerely believe they are much better off in this loving, supportive environment than the alternative... |
hula
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| Your kids will become adults and won't give you half the consideration you are giving them. If you feel comfy with your choices then good for you. |
Anonymous
| How old are your kids? |