Half assed house chores better than none at all?

[Anonymous]

DH and I both WOH and have a kid. We have different mentalities when it comes to chores. I'd rather take a little more time to get it completely done even if it means getting less done in a time period whereas he'd rather get more tasks done in a time period even if it's not done completely.

He does things like:

Overload the dishwasher (stacking items on the top part) so that nothing is left in the sink but then the things stacked on top don't actually get clean.

Do the laundry but then not check for things that shouldn't go into the dryer even though he knows what's not supposed to go in the dryer. Or take things out of the dryer when the cycle is over and not check if things got completely dry and then the stuff smells mildewy. Or fold clothes but not bother to check if they're inside out first.

I've been told I should be thankful he does any of these things but I don't believe that should be the case. We had discussions before getting married because I wanted to make sure he wasn't one of those guys who thinks that the woman should do all of those tasks. But is it too much to ask that they get done completely when he does do them? It actually creates more work when it's done half assed. We both do these tasks but he works from home a few days a week and my job doesn't allow me to so he has more time at home.

And for those who will ask--no he doesn't have ADHD. In fact, I'm the one with diagnosed ADHD and I take meds for it.

[Anonymous]

Half assing it creates more work in the end. Or ruined clothes.

How could that be considered acceptable?

[Anonymous]

You're the only one who can answer that.

If there are chores you are super particular about, you have to do them. My husband gets irrationally angry at how I load the dishwasher, so I just don't do it anymore. However, I care WAY more about the cleanliness of our shower, so I take care of that. Communicate, make decisions, and then let go of resentments. Depending how deep this runs with you, you made need counseling to work through control/anger issues.

[Anonymous]

In our house, whoever does the chore decides how it gets done. Our motto is, if you dont like how someone else does it, do it yourself. This does not apply to the kids, however. If we let them choose how to do things, they’d never get done.

[Anonymous]

I came on here to tell you that half-assed was OK, but he's not actually doing the job, in my opinion. Dirty dishes and mildewy clothes are unacceptable.

I would tell him you still both need to work on meeting in the middle. You can perhaps live with inside out clothes in your drawer, as long as they don't stink, but you don't want to eat off sticky plates.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the chore. Half-assed vacuuming is better than none; it does not create more work and looks better than before. Half washed clothes and dishes leads to more work, so no.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes men (and women) purposely do things "wrong" so that they do not want to do them.(Hoping the other person will fix it and then, eventually do it) I suggest you make a list of tasks, then ask him which ones he would like to do (or which ones he detests the least), and have him do them and you do the others. My DH will not cook at all, no grilling, nothing. (If he reheats a pot roast I made, he considers that cooking). He hates paying bills & cleaning. So I do these, but he fixes anything that breaks, takes care of car/maintenance/lawn issues and investigates investment choices), for example.

Also when you both work, something has to give. You may have to pay someone to do some tasks (DH hired and handles the landscaper) or you might have to just forego them (have groceries delivered instead of going to the supermarket).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the chore. Half-assed vacuuming is better than none; it does not create more work and looks better than before. Half washed clothes and dishes leads to more work, so no.

This.

[Anonymous]

You need to let him feel the natural consequences of his laziness.

I'd start doing your own laundry and not do his. If he wants to go to work with smelly clothes, that's his problem.

For the dishes, if they are still dirty, leave them in the washer for him to deal with. If he puts them away dirty, hand wash whenever you need a dish for yourself or your kids, but not for him. Eventually he will get sick of eating off dirty dishes or having to hand wash them whenever he wants to eat. If you need certain items to cook with but they are still dirty, you don't cook and get yourself and the kids takeout (but not for him, he will have to arrange his own dinner).

[Anonymous]

Doing it half assed often leads to it taking more time than doing it correctly the first time. Try to come up with an analogy that will make sense to him.

[Anonymous]

He's not really half assing it, he's being careless. The dishes aren't getting clean and the laundry (maybe even the machines) could get ruined because he isn't checking pockets before he throws a load in. He's a liability.

Half assing is more along the lines of dusting furniture and just dusting around pictures, coasters, etc instead of moving them. Or running the vacuum around the room willy nilly without making sure that you vacuum the whole floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're the only one who can answer that.

If there are chores you are super particular about, you have to do them. My husband gets irrationally angry at how I load the dishwasher, so I just don't do it anymore. However, I care WAY more about the cleanliness of our shower, so I take care of that. Communicate, make decisions, and then let go of resentments. Depending how deep this runs with you, you made need counseling to work through control/anger issues.

My ex went into a full on meltdown over the way that I folded MY t-shirts. It in no way affected him. I never folded a t-shirt again as long as we were together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're the only one who can answer that.

If there are chores you are super particular about, you have to do them. My husband gets irrationally angry at how I load the dishwasher, so I just don't do it anymore. However, I care WAY more about the cleanliness of our shower, so I take care of that. Communicate, make decisions, and then let go of resentments. Depending how deep this runs with you, you made need counseling to work through control/anger issues.

My ex went into a full on meltdown over the way that I folded MY t-shirts. It in no way affected him. I never folded a t-shirt again as long as we were together.

If they go around doing the white glove test and fussing about things not being done exactly the way they want them done.....ugh. That is an insufferable control freak. Your ex was ridiculous.

But not wanting the dishwasher to be overloaded to the point that the dishes don't get clean and not wanting clothes run through the washer/dryer with gum/pens/tissues, etc in the pockets - that is just common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the chore. Half-assed vacuuming is better than none; it does not create more work and looks better than before. Half washed clothes and dishes leads to more work, so no.

Yes, this.

Op maybe you do the chores that can't be half done, and he does the ones that can.

Here if the dishwasher is overloaded, whoever did it gets to redo the dirty ones by hand. Including me.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to half assed there is a great expression in carpentry - "measure twice and cut once, or measure once and cut twice" Doing it right the first time is usually the quickest way to get something done.