Dating...pen pal?
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Anonymous
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I received a message from a guy on an online dating site. Seemed like a decent guy (as far as one can tell from a profile) and so we arranged to meet up. As part of the logistics of that, I gave him my phone number and we texted a few text related to place, time and date. In the end, I had to cancel for a family emergency. We continued to text back and forth. Due to various life events, the times we can meet up at the moment are pretty infrequent and its been 3 weeks since the original planned meet and greet.
So for 3 weeks we have been texting multiple times a day...but it is the most mundane, small talk, how was your day type texting. We seem to have evolved into pen pals. I am not sure why I am texting someone daily I have never met...and it hasn't turned even flirty. He really does seem like a normal, great guy based on our pen pal back and forth. we have a lot of common interests etc. Am I just in some kind of old school courting or are we both just lonely and like having someone who checks in to say hi and good night or should i keep this up and maybe he ends up a friend or more...if I ever meet him? I haven't done much online dating...is this normal? |
Anonymous
| I don't think it's abnormal |
Anonymous
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I think it’s normal considering you would like to meet and haven’t been able to make it happen - you’re just staying connected until it becomes a possibility. It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a pen pal, or avoiding meeting up - you had to cancel the first date but otherwise you would’ve met by now. It would only be odd if he only seemed to want to text and was never initiating a get together.
It’s also good that the texting is mundane - if you start to get flirty or romantic, but then don’t have any chemistry when you actually meet, then it could be awkward or a letdown for you both. That’s why it’s generally best to meet as soon as possible and avoid going too deep with texts and email beforehand. It doesn |
Anonymous
I think it’s ok since you cancelled the meet-up and iit doesn’t seem to be him avoiding you. It may help to make your first date a little less awkward because you know you can have a conversation even if there are no sparks. I caution you though, push for the meeting as soon as possible. I was in a similar situation and when I finally met my “pen pal” about a month in, and there was no in person chemistry, I was surprised to find myself a little crushed because I had gotten attached to him and the idea of “us” versus the reality. Good luck and come back and post to tell us how amazing your first meeting goes! 
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Anonymous
| I think it's normal for online dating as I experienced this a lot. I found it strange how often men wanted to text and email. I was more interested in meeting up in person and having sex. |
Anonymous
| Sounds kind of nice |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Plant the flag and meet him. This texting is cute but will get tiresome. |
Anonymous
| Relationships and love aren't always as linear or definitive as we would like them to be. |
Anonymous
| Meeting him doesn't seem to be a priority. Either shit or get off the pot. |
Anonymous
my DH said that hookups are much easier these days and it’s harder for men to find someone they enjoy spending time without outside of bed. We met up frequently, but eeren’t Intimate for months and, yes, texting (not sexting) a lot every day during that time. By the time we hit the sheets, we knew each other really well. |
Anonymous
This. This could go on for weeks or months ans when you meet one of you realizes it isn't going to work. |
Anonymous
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Thanks all.
We are both early 40s. This whole texting dating is new to me! He also uses an emoji at the end of many texts. Is that odd? I thought that was a teen thing. I do want to meet him as I agree, there is no point in getting to know someone just to find out one person is definitely not interested. The idea of him is great, the reality may not be. |