Sister accidentally texted me...while talking about me!

[Anonymous]

I feel like I'm going crazy because my sister is refusing to admit she did something wrong here. She was clearly talking about me behind my back (used my name and everything) but accidentally sent the texts TO me. Even worse, she will not apologize or even show an ounce of remorse about the whole thing. It blew up into a huge back and forth between us.

Her little dance included excuses like "I wasn't talking about YOU. I was talking about something you DID" and "oh, like you never talk about me?"

Come on.

Honestly, texting the wrong person is something I fear constantly and I would actually be semi-understanding if she showed just a little humility here. But the conversation really went into some bad places and I'm very hurt. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I sympathize OP. That sucks.

Is what she said true? Or was she betraying your trust of something you asked her to keep confidential?

[Anonymous]

Did you suddenly obtain a sister, OP? Give me a break - this is standard sister behavior on both sides. Recognize that, shrug it off, and move on.

[Anonymous]

You should apologize. Your sister really did nothing wrong unless she revealed something private about you.

[Anonymous]

Did you honestly think your sister never talked about you behind your back?

[Anonymous]

This depends 100% on what she was saying about you. If it was hateful, or untrue, I'd be upset. If she was just venting or bitching to a friend, literally everyone with a sibling has done that. It might have hurt your feelings but try to look at it impartially.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. It happened to me with a coworker. I didn't make a big deal out of it as I felt it reflected on her far more than on me.

[Anonymous]

OP, surely there's some history between you that would put this into context? I'm not asking you to tell us your whole sibling history, I'm asking you to think through whether this is a weird, one-time thing that came out of the blue and blindsided you entirely...or whether it's the culmination of a long relationship where you and she don't get along. If this is out of the blue and you and she have been just fine before this: You weren't actually fine, and she's harboring some serious anger toward you. If this is actually another bump in what is already a bumpy relationship: This shouldn't surprise you so much, though it may be especially hurtful since she involved another party.

How involved in each others' lives are you, OP? If you are interacting with her enough to get her this wound up, to the point she insists she has some right to vent to another person about you -- maybe it's past time you and she were less involved and less in touch overall. Unless you and she really must have frequent contact for some reason like caring for parents, or doing business together, I'd ramp back contact. Note that I said ramp back, not cut off entirely. Just think about whether you and she are too involved with each others' lives and whether you have some expectation that "sisters should be friends" etc. that is setting you up to try to see too much of her or comment too much on what she does.

Keep in touch, keep things civil and even cordial, but if you're in each others' lives every day or even every week, I'd start cooling it.

If you have some link like one of you babysits for the other etc. -- I would end that. Probably gradually so it's not some big drama along lines of, "You dumped me as my nephew's sitter because you didn't like my texts!"

I do disagree with posters above that her misdirected texts were no big deal. She could at least have pretended to be chagrined. I wonder if she possibly is glad you got them so you know she's mad, or if she even sent them to you "accidentally on purpose"....But I would not argue this with her if iI were you. I would not mention it again. I'd just gradually get less involved with her while still seeing her and being very cordial at family events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, surely there's some history between you that would put this into context? I'm not asking you to tell us your whole sibling history, I'm asking you to think through whether this is a weird, one-time thing that came out of the blue and blindsided you entirely...or whether it's the culmination of a long relationship where you and she don't get along. If this is out of the blue and you and she have been just fine before this: You weren't actually fine, and she's harboring some serious anger toward you. If this is actually another bump in what is already a bumpy relationship: This shouldn't surprise you so much, though it may be especially hurtful since she involved another party.

How involved in each others' lives are you, OP? If you are interacting with her enough to get her this wound up, to the point she insists she has some right to vent to another person about you -- maybe it's past time you and she were less involved and less in touch overall. Unless you and she really must have frequent contact for some reason like caring for parents, or doing business together, I'd ramp back contact. Note that I said ramp back, not cut off entirely. Just think about whether you and she are too involved with each others' lives and whether you have some expectation that "sisters should be friends" etc. that is setting you up to try to see too much of her or comment too much on what she does.

Keep in touch, keep things civil and even cordial, but if you're in each others' lives every day or even every week, I'd start cooling it.

If you have some link like one of you babysits for the other etc. -- I would end that. Probably gradually so it's not some big drama along lines of, "You dumped me as my nephew's sitter because you didn't like my texts!"

I do disagree with posters above that her misdirected texts were no big deal. She could at least have pretended to be chagrined. I wonder if she possibly is glad you got them so you know she's mad, or if she even sent them to you "accidentally on purpose"....But I would not argue this with her if iI were you. I would not mention it again. I'd just gradually get less involved with her while still seeing her and being very cordial at family events.

OP here. Without going into too much detail...she and I are close and talk every day. Her text was about something trivial that did not involve her at all...but her critique was mean and unnecessary. Pure gossip. It hurt a lot.

I guess I have no choice but to just drop this (since the conversation went nowhere and she's refusing to own up to it) and gradually become less close? That really sucks.

[Anonymous]

I think that "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about something you did" is a perfectly fine admission. What do you want her to say? That's her way of admitting you caught her. Maybe it's not as punishing or humble as you wanted. But move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about something you did" is a perfectly fine admission. What do you want her to say? That's her way of admitting you caught her. Maybe it's not as punishing or humble as you wanted. But move on.

This. What change do you want to come out of pushing her about it?

[Anonymous]

My feelings would be hurt too.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel any better I once had a friend who accidentally sent me an email (intended for someone else), saying something not so nice about me. She was actually angry at me afterwards, saying that I was wrong for reading it once I realized that it was mistakenly sent to me (I didn’t realize it until I was halfway through the message, fwiw).

[Anonymous]

Have you ever said something unkind about her to someone else? If not, you can be hurt. If so, you need to let this go. Siblings are always complaining about each other.

[Anonymous]

http://www.cc.com/video-clips/ajm1oh/stand-up-david-odoherty--texting-the-person-the-text-is-about

I’ll just leave this here to lighten up the thread. Funny stuff.