2 year old is always mad

[Anonymous]

My son turned 2 last month has become increasingly mean and angry. He's been more fussy/emotional since birth compared to my now 4 year-old son. My older son was a bit of an anomaly as he never had temper tantrums, never had a "no" phase, always happy and somehow learned all his numbers/letters/colors/shapes before he was 2. My 2 year-old is a bit behind verbally but not enough to qualify for any services, he angrily refuses to learn anything, hits, sometimes bites. He will pick up the NoNo/YesYes book, open it to the pg where there's a baby hitting another kid and start hitting the kid too. It's like his default mood is angry. We make sure to praise him a ton when he does something good but he doesn't care. We don't hit and very rarely raise our voices in our family so we're just kind of besides ourselves with him. He hates whenever we try to show him anything and he usually just angrily shouts jibberish at us. He can also be very sweet and loving but most of the time he's so mean. My older son was trying to play peekaboo with him today and my little guy bit through the curtain so hard that he bit a hole though it! He used to like other kids and now he cries or ignores them mostly. To be clear, I see no red flags for anything like autism, nor does his daycare provider or pediatrician.

I guess my question is if this is fairly normal or should we be pushing harder for some kind of services for him? He's turned into such a bully, beyond what I would consider normal for a "terrible 2"

[Anonymous]

First, stop using the words “mean” and “bully.” They’re not going to help you. He’s 2. He’s having a tough time, particularly with communication. Is there anything you can do to help him in that area? If not private speech therapy, signs?

[Anonymous]

No, this is not normal. Something had gone wrong.
Any ideas, OP?

[Anonymous]

Is he teething with his 2 year old molars? Does he have chronic ear infections that hurt? Does he not get enough good sleep (esp.if teething or has ear infections) so he's cranky?

[Anonymous]

OP here. To my knowledge he's never had an ear infection and I don't see any molars coming in yet. People tell me it's just terrible 2s but I can't help but feel like it's something extra with him. A lot of his acting out can be attention seeking but he also gets tons of attention, which he doesn't always care for. He gets plenty of sleep (8pm-6/7am, 2-3 he daytime nap). I'm not trying to get caught up on language. I don't tell him he's mean or a bully, I'm just trying to describe his behavior here. It's very much stereotypical "2nd child" and "terrible 2" behavior, but I just feel like the frequency of the behaviors is a lot. The pediatrician wasn't concerned about any of this but it's just so opposite of my first son that I can't help but be concerned.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP, on all counts. I had to look at the date of the post to make sure it wasn't me posting from a few weeks ago and just not remembering. Let me know if you figure it out. It's day by day over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, stop using the words “mean” and “bully.” They’re not going to help you. He’s 2. He’s having a tough time, particularly with communication. Is there anything you can do to help him in that area? If not private speech therapy, signs?

+1 It's time for private speech therapy.

What is most striking here is his clear communication via the book page of how angry he is.

[Anonymous]

Also, time for parent training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son turned 2 last month has become increasingly mean and angry. He's been more fussy/emotional since birth compared to my now 4 year-old son. My older son was a bit of an anomaly as he never had temper tantrums, never had a "no" phase, always happy and somehow learned all his numbers/letters/colors/shapes before he was 2. My 2 year-old is a bit behind verbally but not enough to qualify for any services, he angrily refuses to learn anything, hits, sometimes bites. He will pick up the NoNo/YesYes book, open it to the pg where there's a baby hitting another kid and start hitting the kid too. It's like his default mood is angry. We make sure to praise him a ton when he does something good but he doesn't care. We don't hit and very rarely raise our voices in our family so we're just kind of besides ourselves with him. He hates whenever we try to show him anything and he usually just angrily shouts jibberish at us. He can also be very sweet and loving but most of the time he's so mean. My older son was trying to play peekaboo with him today and my little guy bit through the curtain so hard that he bit a hole though it! He used to like other kids and now he cries or ignores them mostly. To be clear, I see no red flags for anything like autism, nor does his daycare provider or pediatrician.

I guess my question is if this is fairly normal or should we be pushing harder for some kind of services for him? He's turned into such a bully, beyond what I would consider normal for a "terrible 2"

In addition to the frustration from his speech, he probably senses that you're judging him against his other brother and is coming up very short. Just stop the comparing already.

[Anonymous]

A big mistake we make as humans is comparing. It sounds like you are heavily comparing Dc2 to DC1. I understand this two year old behavior is rough and an adjustment but a PP was right, stop using the negative terminology.

You're DC2 is normal. Fine. Just a toddler. Look for some techniques to use with him, im sure DCUM will provide suggestions. But your mindset must change about DC2 before you'll see any improvement. IMO. Or you'll just make it worse overtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A big mistake we make as humans is comparing. It sounds like you are heavily comparing Dc2 to DC1. I understand this two year old behavior is rough and an adjustment but a PP was right, stop using the negative terminology.

You're DC2 is normal. Fine. Just a toddler. Look for some techniques to use with him, im sure DCUM will provide suggestions. But your mindset must change about DC2 before you'll see any improvement. IMO. Or you'll just make it worse overtime.

And it would make sense that he's frustrated if he can't communicate with you. Some kids are happier when they can learn to do for themselves. My DC1 is like that and toddlerhood has been.... new for me. Teaching him how to do things on his own is helping. Maybe a Montessori technique would be helpful, that's what I'm using.

[Anonymous]

How much 1:1 time is he getting with you and your spouse? I’m sure it’s not the cause of this problem, but my kids are angels when alone with us, so it could give you a break now and then.

[Anonymous]

Normal, but sounds like your DC 1 was not "normal". Relax and don't compare - you lucked out with #1. I also think that at this age, they want to communicate and know what they want, but perhaps he can't quite yet, which increases his anger and frustration.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your DS2 sounds "normal", OP. Follow your gut and talk to your pediatrician and ask for a referral to a specialist.

[jjconcern]

It does sound like your 2 year old has a completely different temperament than your 4 yr old which has been evident from birth. You described him as fussy from the beginning. He does sound like he gets frustrated easily and takes his anger or frustration out on others. The good news is that his child caregiver is not alarmed by his behavior or his pediatrician. He may need more boundaries and help in containing his anger. You don't want him get in the habit of hitting others when he is angry. Time outs are usually effective if you enforce them in a patient manner. Does he like to be physically active? Another suggestion was more alone time with him on the part of you or your husband. He may be naturally competitive and see how easy it is for his older brother to do activities when he himself is struggling. Speech therapy is another option if needed as it is one on one time with an interested person and could be of help in limiting the amount of frustration he is feeling regarding expressing himself. If he continues to get worse with time and in other settings besides home, I would consult again with his pediatrician. My best to you.