Similar dynamics here OP. My ODD who is 6 now was/is an absolute angel. My YDD who is 5 has always been very strong-willed and defiant. It's gotten better as she's gotten older and it DEFINITELY improved when she was able to communicate better. She has a very short temper and gets angry at the drop of a hat if she's not understood or if she's being told no or if she doesn't want to do what we ask her to do, etc. Now that she's old enough to understand consequences and we can use systems like 1, 2, 3 Magic, we've seen great improvement but we still have battles like this morning when she fought with me over every, single article of clothing she was putting on. The funny thing is, though, that even though she is so much more difficult than her sister, she's also so much more loving. Sure, my oldest never fights with me about anything and is "easy" to parent but she also doesn't show me the love and affection my youngest does. It's like my oldest is just even-keeled...straight middle of the road. My youngest I would describe as passionate and that passion can resonate on either end of the spectrum...intense anger on one side and intense love on the other.
They are who they are and I have to parent/discipline them differently. It's tough but it is what it is. You have to find ways that work for you and if that means seeking outside resources like parenting classes or books on disicpline, then do it.
FWIW - I've contemplated speaking to her pediatrician about possible sensory issues and I've even wondered if there are anger management classes for 5 year olds. LOL!
One question...is your son like this with everybody? Or just you?
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