Helping my daughter cope with being the only girl on a boys team

[Anonymous]

My seven year old daughter is an exceptional athlete, and is never not moving: soccer is her chosen sport, but if she's not running around with a soccer ball, she's playing baseball, basketball, tennis, doing gymnastics. We moved to Europe last year, and for the first year, she did fine playing on a team with only boys. She also spent every recess playing soccer with the boys. But this year, she said she didn't want to play on the team anymore, and her teachers have told us that she's no longer playing at school either. She still plays with her dad a lot, but when asked, says she doesn't want to play with the boys anymore. She's asked to do different extracurriculars - all that are single player focused, such as horseback riding and gymnastics. We've allowed that, but feel really sad about this! Any suggestions? Is it just this age that the gender differences become more prominent? We've looked for a girls' league to no available; it seems they don't exist until the girls are older...

[Anonymous]

Well at 7 she is active and should explore lots of different activities she is interested in rather than trying to make her specialize in one sport or force her onto a team. Just let her be a kid and run around if she wants.

[Anonymous]

I would just play with her at home. She will keep with her skills and may come back to the sport. Last night I was at practice with my son. A new kid joined the team that is awesome. He has never played organized soccer - just played with his dad at home. I am now convinced that at the younger ages, kids learn just as much or more playing in the basement with their parents or other kids.

[Anonymous]

Let her be herself.

And if being herself means playing with other girls and doing "girly" activites, embrace it.

She is seven.

She does not need to commit to soccer at this age and it is okay if she no longer wants to hang out with boys right now.

[Anonymous]

Where in Europe don't they have soccer for 7 yo girls? I thought Europe was more into futbol/soccer then the U.S.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is a good soccer player but she hates playing with boys because some boys will not pass to the girls on the field. They will pass to each other or showboat and not pass at all. She's also been hit with the ball more often and harder than when she plays with girls (despite 90% of her playing time with girls only) and there have been times when she got a goal and a boy said, "that didn't count." So she hates going to drop-in soccer if there aren't enough girls for a game.

[Anonymous]

What worked for me when I was about that age was to find another girl to play on the team with me. We were the only two girls on the team (and our dads were the coaches) and we didn't mind being the only girls as long we each other. (This was t-ball.)

Perhaps there is another girl your DD you join up with? If not, then I agree with the others to just let her do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Parent of elementary schoolers here. I would talk to your daughter about what has happened to turn her off playing with the boys. This type of withdrawal says to me that she had some type of incident with the boys that makes her want to avoid them—maybe constant hazing or toxic no girls allowed culture.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to the school to see what might be behind her no longer playing soccer. But continue to play with her and get her involved with all of the other sports.

[Anonymous]

Do you know any of the boys on the team and their parents? Reach out to the parents and see if you can get them to help you get some insight into what happened with the team.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t she play on a girls’ team?

[Anonymous]

I have a 5yo girl who loves stereotypical boys stuff, this makes me sad OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, because of her age, I don't have specific advice...but I would encourage you to get to the bottom of whether she would want to play if there were other girls on the team (i.e. has she just lost interest in team soccer or is all boys' intimidating?). If it's just about the all boys thing, you need to let her find a way to keep playing on a team.

I'm a woman in STEM, and starting around 8th grade I was the only girl in most of my advanced science and math classes. It wasn't always easy, and believe it or not the girls teased me most claiming I was being a flirt just because I was hanging out with my classmates talking about schoolwork. I am very glad I stuck it out, though.

If, as a PP stated, she decides she prefers other things, NBD. But if she lets boys intimidate her from doing things she enjoys, she will regret it.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why this makes you "really sad." She is 7. She is trying out different things. In my life before age 25 I did ballet, gymnastics, hockey, volleyball, track and field, Olympic weightlifting, and archery. T&F paid for college and I didn't start until 9th grade. I was just a good athlete that tried a lot of sports.

I have a feeling you're more invested in soccer than she ever was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My seven year old daughter is an exceptional athlete, and is never not moving: soccer is her chosen sport, but if she's not running around with a soccer ball, she's playing baseball, basketball, tennis, doing gymnastics. We moved to Europe last year, and for the first year, she did fine playing on a team with only boys. She also spent every recess playing soccer with the boys. But this year, she said she didn't want to play on the team anymore, and her teachers have told us that she's no longer playing at school either. She still plays with her dad a lot, but when asked, says she doesn't want to play with the boys anymore. She's asked to do different extracurriculars - all that are single player focused, such as horseback riding and gymnastics. We've allowed that, but feel really sad about this! Any suggestions? Is it just this age that the gender differences become more prominent? We've looked for a girls' league to no available; it seems they don't exist until the girls are older...

Why do people always do this? It's a continent, for Pete's sake. It's quite different if you moved to the Moldova or Germany. (Where they do have girl's teams for 7 yr olds)