Did having a child with SN influence your decision whether to have more kids?

[Anonymous]

I have two kids. My oldest is typical and has had minimal health/behavioral issues. My son (3) has ton of food allergies which on their own are a lot to manage. Add some behavior issues, a severe speech delay, and possibly an ASD diagnosis (evaluation coming up in a few weeks) I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was done after two but I find myself thinking about a third. I was the youngest of three and liked the dynamic (and continue to like the dynamic) of being one of three. The thought of adding a newborn/baby to the mix seems completely daunting. Child care and finances would be strained but we could probably manage.

Anyone been there? Thoughts, experiences?

[Anonymous]

That's why there is a 5 year age gap between DC1 (preemie, dev. delays, ADHD and Aspie) and DC2, who is highly functional, thank goodness.

I have health issues that preclude a third.

[Anonymous]

We were two and done. Their special needs did not surface until they were in early elementary school. No regrets. Two maxed DH and I out.

[Anonymous]

We wanted a few, stopped at 2.

DC1 has a seemingly endless list of issues: severe anxiety, communication delay, and probably on the borderline of ASD. The days with him are exhausting, as our entire family
walks on eggshells around him. Done.

[Anonymous]

As much as I love my children, having both kids SN influenced our decision to not have a third.

[Anonymous]

For sure. We had wanted 3 or 4. Instead, we have 2 that are 6 years apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids. My oldest is typical and has had minimal health/behavioral issues. My son (3) has ton of food allergies which on their own are a lot to manage. Add some behavior issues, a severe speech delay, and possibly an ASD diagnosis (evaluation coming up in a few weeks) I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was done after two but I find myself thinking about a third. I was the youngest of three and liked the dynamic (and continue to like the dynamic) of being one of three. The thought of adding a newborn/baby to the mix seems completely daunting. Child care and finances would be strained but we could probably manage.

Anyone been there? Thoughts, experiences?

I have 2 kids--both SN. A lot of work. Personally, I would not add more kids so you can focus on the ones you have, especially if finances would be strained. Your 3 year old might need a lot more resources. Your third might be SN too. Then what would you do?

[Anonymous]

One and done. DCs SNs have already maxed us way out. We just don't have the resources to parent this child well, giving him the supports he needs financially and parentally, with more children in the mix.

If we had more $, or more grand parent help, we might be able to swing it....

[Anonymous]

I always wanted 3. Having the oldest with severe special needs nearly knocked us out, but I wanted the typical experience and hoped I might get it. dC1 and 2 are 6 years apart. I still think about a third but time might have run out on us, and im not willing to do ivf or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

DC #1 born with a birth defect. 2 surgeries and 3 years of PT.

When #2 was conceived we thought we were done with surgeries only to find out we needed a 2nd and 2 more years of PT.

DC #3 born.

Fast forward 6 years. DCs #1 and #3 both have IEPs. DC #3 has speech delays and some OT issues. The IEP for #1 and #3 are very different. I am constantly juggling drs appts, OT sessions, calls to the school. (Did I mention #1 also has some other medical issues so we need to see a specialist a few times a year?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted 3. Having the oldest with severe special needs nearly knocked us out, but I wanted the typical experience and hoped I might get it. dC1 and 2 are 6 years apart. I still think about a third but time might have run out on us, and im not willing to do ivf or anything like that.

YOU wanted the typical experience? Wow, great reason to have another kid--it isn't a trip to Disney land.

[Anonymous]

DS1 has ASD but by the time he was diagnosed DS2 was already here. So far 1 is pretty manageable and 2 has been an absolute joy in our lives. I'm now pregnant with #3 and pretty damn scared but hopeful that we'll find a way through no matter what hand we're dealt. I was also one of 3 and liked the dynamic. I think that weighed heavily on my wanting a third as well.

[Anonymous]

DC#1 was a very difficult baby, which was a big contributor to our decision to have only two kids. So it wasn't the diagnosis itself (ASD diagnosis came after DC2 was born). If DC1 had been as easy as DC2 turned out to be, we would likely have had a 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids. My oldest is typical and has had minimal health/behavioral issues. My son (3) has ton of food allergies which on their own are a lot to manage. Add some behavior issues, a severe speech delay, and possibly an ASD diagnosis (evaluation coming up in a few weeks) I'm overwhelmed.

I thought I was done after two but I find myself thinking about a third. I was the youngest of three and liked the dynamic (and continue to like the dynamic) of being one of three. The thought of adding a newborn/baby to the mix seems completely daunting. Child care and finances would be strained but we could probably manage.

Anyone been there? Thoughts, experiences?

I have 2 kids--both SN. A lot of work. Personally, I would not add more kids so you can focus on the ones you have, especially if finances would be strained. Your 3 year old might need a lot more resources. Your third might be SN too. Then what would you do?

We have similar thinking, although an older child with ASD (high functioning but a lot of work everyday to get/stay there). Had a second before older was diagnosed. Now we are in the window where a diagnosis may come - still tbd - but we are likely done although we’d love to have a third. We want to make sure we can support the family’s needs emptionally, financially, etc. we both work so it is already a hard balance with school events and therapies and dr appts and play dates.

[Anonymous]

No because 1. she was the youngest 2. she was unexpectedly adopted and 3. her special needs didn't show right away