Stuck in the middle of awkward situation

[Anonymous]

My brother dated his ex for 5 years. They broke up and then she found out she was pregnant, so they got back together and eventually broke up again for good when the baby was 9 months old. I really like his ex but they are just not right for each other. Their little girl is now 3 and lives with my brother during the week and sees her mom every other weekend. The mom works in sales and is often on the road. She was the one who really wanted to keep the baby, but I can't say she has been the best mother at times since she has been unwilling to change her life to best incorporate a child, but that's a different story. My brother really stepped up and is a truly amazing dad doing 90% of the work. And their daughter is a really great little girl.

So here is where things get awkward. For the past year and a half my brother has been dating someone new - she is super sweet and great with my niece, but she has really jumped in to assume the mom role in a bit of an overbearing way, and she totally clashes with his ex. New GF moved in with my brother and niece after about 8 months of them dating and seems a bit obsessed with the idea of having a child. She is also only 27 (my brother is 36, his ex is 35) and all of the sudden her life revolves around the kid. The biggest issue is that she really pushes the role of being mom in front of the real mom and it just creates a lot of animosity.

So now I have her mom complaining to me about how the GF is trying to take over her role as mom and win over her daughter. She has tried talking to my brother but I don't think he has addressed anything with his GF. I really don't want to be involved but I am completely caught in the middle and I really do see both sides.

What do I do here?

[Anonymous]

The GF is wrong. I would stay out of it as much as possible. Good luck

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a Lifetime movie plot!!

[Anonymous]

3some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The GF is wrong. I would stay out of it as much as possible. Good luck

This. New GF is totally out of line. But it’s not your battle to fight.

[Anonymous]

I would sympathize with the mom, but it's not your problem and you can't fix it. Your brother needs to make it clear to his GF what her role is and support his ex's role as mother.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't this exact scenario just posted a couple of weeks ago, but from the perspective of the girlfriends sister? There is a prolific troll on here today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The GF is wrong. I would stay out of it as much as possible. Good luck

This. New GF is totally out of line. But it’s not your battle to fight.

This. I'd sympathize with the ex. And if new gf tries to drag you in is answer honestly that it's not your business. And if she pushes then I'd put her in her place and say larla has her mom and dad and they are the only two people who have any say about anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don't want to be involved but I am completely caught in the middle and I really do see both sides...

What do I do here?

You aren't in the middle of anything. This is their problem, not yours. Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

You aren't in the middle.
There's nothing for you to do here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would sympathize with the mom, but it's not your problem and you can't fix it. Your brother needs to make it clear to his GF what her role is and support his ex's role as mother.

The ex doesn't sound like she's really into being mom. At all. Should the GF just ignore the little girl so ex's fee fees don't get hurt? No. There's no competition when you are properly involved in your kid's life.

The issue is one of ex's own creation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother dated his ex for 5 years. They broke up and then she found out she was pregnant, so they got back together and eventually broke up again for good when the baby was 9 months old. I really like his ex but they are just not right for each other. Their little girl is now 3 and lives with my brother during the week and sees her mom every other weekend. The mom works in sales and is often on the road. She was the one who really wanted to keep the baby, but I can't say she has been the best mother at times since she has been unwilling to change her life to best incorporate a child, but that's a different story. My brother really stepped up and is a truly amazing dad doing 90% of the work. And their daughter is a really great little girl.

So here is where things get awkward. For the past year and a half my brother has been dating someone new - she is super sweet and great with my niece, but she has really jumped in to assume the mom role in a bit of an overbearing way, and she totally clashes with his ex. New GF moved in with my brother and niece after about 8 months of them dating and seems a bit obsessed with the idea of having a child. She is also only 27 (my brother is 36, his ex is 35) and all of the sudden her life revolves around the kid. The biggest issue is that she really pushes the role of being mom in front of the real mom and it just creates a lot of animosity.

So now I have her mom complaining to me about how the GF is trying to take over her role as mom and win over her daughter. She has tried talking to my brother but I don't think he has addressed anything with his GF. I really don't want to be involved but I am completely caught in the middle and I really do see both sides.

What do I do here?

I think alot of this is your projection OP.
You don't like your brother's new girlfriend because she's younger.
Is she kumping in mom's face talking about how she's a bad mom?
My guess is it's obvious your niece is close to the GF and of course she is she spends the majrity of the time with her. Should gf just ignore her when mom decides to come visit?

I also wager ex doesn't care that much about the little girl she's just jealous your brother has moved on and is seemingly happy and now she wants to create drama and will happily use the kid as a pawn to do that.

[Anonymous]

I guess I would have more sympathy if the ex saw her kids more than every other weekend. She's nearly an absentee parent.

Your brother and his daughter are a package deal - he is essentially a FT single parent - and I don't see anything wrong with his live-in GF taking an active role with his child. I know that my step-dad did this with me and it filled a huge void - he passed away three years ago and I miss him every day.

Obviously a power struggle between the ex and the GG is unhealthy, but your brother has to handle that - there's absolutely zero reason for you to be in the middle, no matter how much the ex is confiding in you. You need to stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

What is the question here? What is there for you to do about any one this?

[Anonymous]

She sees her real Mom 4 days month, now someone has stepped in to help you brother and be a female mentor to you niece and that is a problem how?
This child needs lots of people who love her, her Mom has made it clear her career is first and her kid is 2nd.
How much actual interaction is there between the 2 women? Thew new GF doesnt need to accompany them when they trade the kid on the weekends, she should stay away as much as possible. But when she is around and the Mom isnt, she should be able to play the role she is playing.