Anything I can say?

[Anonymous]

Have known dh for 11 years.
In the past 3 months, I've noticed hand motions while he speaks that are turning me off. They look like limp wrist.

It's very much a sudden change because, like I said, I've known him for so long, and it was a marked change.

I'm assuming he picked it up, just the way you pick up a little more of the way a friend talks etc. He works with all women and two men. So maybe just picking it up from the fact that he's around more women all the time now.

It bothers me a lot. Bothers me more that he's never done this for 10+ years. Is there anything I can say?

[Anonymous]

Kind of strange that it bothers you that much but maybe the next time he does it, ask him "what's up with...(imitate gesture). He'll likely include a "why?" in his response and that's where you have to be cautious. I'd say something like it's not a big deal, I just never noticed it before but I've seen people that are making fun of gay people do that, so I would be careful doing it in public. That or some other response that will make him more self-conscious of doing it and likely cause him to break the habit.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him if he might be picking up mannerisms of people he spends time with daily at work, and tell him what you're noticing over the past few months. But my DH and I are pretty open and joke with each other about this kind of stuff. I could even tell him that I don't like it but again, he's not particularly sensitive. You know your DH best.

[Anonymous]

If you bring this up to him, I sure hope that you are perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have known dh for 11 years.
In the past 3 months, I've noticed hand motions while he speaks that are turning me off. They look like limp wrist.

It's very much a sudden change because, like I said, I've known him for so long, and it was a marked change.

I'm assuming he picked it up, just the way you pick up a little more of the way a friend talks etc. He works with all women and two men. So maybe just picking it up from the fact that he's around more women all the time now.

It bothers me a lot. Bothers me more that he's never done this for 10+ years. Is there anything I can say?

Is he gay? This is a turn off.

[Anonymous]

Is he also mincing around the house?

[Anonymous]

I thought your concern was going to be medical?

[Anonymous]

A noticeable physical or behavioral change in a spouse should make any loving person concerned about possible health issues. You didn't go there. The fact that you both assume he "picked up" a mannerism from women at work and the fact you describe it as "limp wrist" sounds either like you're trying not to come out and say "I'm afraid he's gay" or you're just a pot-stirring weekend troll employing a stereotype about gay men plus a bogus image of an adult "picking up" mannerisms from coworkers--which seems unlikely.

If you're real--what the hell? Why wouldn't you first be worried that he's got someghing going on with his arm or neurologically that's making him move differently? If your first thought was what you wrote in your post, you need to examine your marriage. A sudden change and you're not able to ask him about it? That's what a mature adult would do. But either you're a troll or you're looking hard for something to be annoyed with and that means your marriage has far larger issues.

[Anonymous]

Op here, I will admit. I talked to him but didn't mention that it's limp.

After about two weeks, I said how I noticed he started using his hands more in conversation. And that the only reason I wanted to mention it is that it seemed off; and that because he works with many clients over the course of a day, i wanted him to be aware. That it comes off as aggressive (sometimes it is aggressive, like pointing harshly, but then goes limp after the pointing).

He was like, really? Almost not believing me. And I said yeah, I've definitely noticed because I've known you for so long, and I've never seen that before.

Since then, because we had that conversation, I have pointed out a few times when he has done it in front of me. He sort of believes me.

Again, I've focused on the aggression part of it, the quick movements; and how I don't think it matches his speech. Like someone who moves their hands while taking, and it doesn't match up with what they're saying.

It's hard to tell someone you love that they're acting gay or bothering you. I've been living with it for a few months and it appeared last night again. We were just talking on the couch.

What would you think if your loved one that you've known a long time suddenly changes a conversational behavior? I don't want to break his confidence or 'accuse' him oddly...