Give Me Hope Past 30

[Anonymous]

I am about to be 31 and single. I haven't found that " one" or anyone I can seriously see myself marrying. I have standards, but I don't think they are exceptionally high. I haven't dated that much, and admit I am more of a homebody. I spent most of my 20's in advanced schooling. I have a good career, smart, funny, cute next-girl-door type, and a good personality ( I've been told). I know it's common now to marry or divorce and marry after 20's, but most of my friends are about to settle down. Can anyone share their experience of meeting their spouse past 30+? I am starting to think it may never happen for me.

[Anonymous]

Being a homebody and book worm has likely meant you are rarely in a place to meet people. You need to mingle. The way you describe yourself should be very attractive to many guys.

[Anonymous]

try online dating?

[Anonymous]

Are you fat?

[Anonymous]

If you're hot, it will happen.

I was able to trade up in terms of spouses after my divorce (at 32). I also had two kids. My current husband is better looking, makes more money, and is just a better all-around person than my XH was.

That said, I am very beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're hot, it will happen.

I was able to trade up in terms of spouses after my divorce (at 32). I also had two kids. My current husband is better looking, makes more money, and is just a better all-around person than my XH was.

That said, I am very beautiful.

Attractive people are dime of a dozen. There is more to marriage than just looks. I dumped a very hot girl for my now wife. My wife is pretty, but the other woman was hot enough to be a model. The biggest was her bad personality. She was selfish, demanding, high maintenance, etc. She would have not mad a good wife or mother. My wife is all the the other woman wasn't. I would still choose a cute girl with amazing qualities than a hot girl with a bad personality every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're hot, it will happen.

I was able to trade up in terms of spouses after my divorce (at 32). I also had two kids. My current husband is better looking, makes more money, and is just a better all-around person than my XH was.

That said, I am very beautiful. [/quote

How do you know you're beautiful? Most people are average attractive, with only 10% of the population being model hot.

[Anonymous]

Met my husband at 31, married at 34. The trick is to recognize that life is not a movie and you're not going to have a meet-cute. You probably have dated people you've met through school or going out with friends to bars, but those friends aren't going to be going out as much now that they're married and school is over. So get yourself on an online dating app and take it a little less seriously than your post implies.

Don't try to find a "husband," try to meet people. Go on 2-3 dates a week, keep it casual, meet for a drink or coffee first. You have to meet people to meet the one. If you try to meet the one you're going to seem aggressively weird. I met my DH after about a year of online dating through OKCupid, and unlike the online dating experience of my friends' who were devoted to "meeting a husband" (they usually got really intense, were super upset not to get calls back, quit online dating for months every few months with a "there are no good men left; woe is me" attitude, etc.), for me that year was awesome. Dated a couple of other guys for a few months each (great guys, not the right fit), met a bunch of nice people, got two or three hilarious misadventure stories out of it, saw art exhibits and new bars and restaurants in neighborhoods far afield; all things I would not have done if I was not purposely getting out of the house to meet up with people.

[Anonymous]

I haven't found that " one" or anyone I can seriously see myself marrying. I have standards

Multiple problems:
The One(TM)(patent pending) who usually exists in movies and not real life
See yourself marrying, versus see yourself having fun dates with initially
Standards which may exclude the bulk of real-world prospects who aren't rich, tall, etc.

Fix that.

[Anonymous]

I met my fiancé at 34, after I was divorced (GASP!!!! Damaged goods could find love again!?!?). He’s gorgeous and sexy, hardworking and generous. So much better than I ever could have dreamed I would find. I couldn’t be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my fiancé at 34, after I was divorced (GASP!!!! Damaged goods could find love again!?!?). He’s gorgeous and sexy, hardworking and generous. So much better than I ever could have dreamed I would find. I couldn’t be happier.

do u have kids

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 33, shortly before turning 34. We got married at 37 and had kids at 38 and 40.

I'm a homebody too but got involved in an activity in my 30's that got me out quite a bit. That's how I met my husband.

[Anonymous]

A ton of my friends met good guys after 30, but often it was through online dating. So you need to get comfortable with that.

Also, make sure your standards aren't unrealistic. I have a bunch of unhappily single friends. They are ALL looking for: a tall (over 6'0"), fit, handsome white guy with good hair, who is successful, educated, articulate, not weird, has friends, has a nice family, has socially acceptable hobbies and treats them like a queen. (i.e. pays for every date, plans romantic dates), etc.

This guy is a f*cking unicorn. There's like 3 guys who fit that description after a certain age, and they have their pick of women. So if this is what you are looking for, you may need to relax your standards a bit.

[Anonymous]

Found myself single at 34, after a ltr that I thought was leading to marriage/kids.

Met my husband when I was 36, married at 38, kids at 38, 40.

I did online dating--ugh, at times it seemed hopeless, but I never lacked a date and it was a great way to learn how to be open to all kinds of people and to look beyond the surface of a profile. I also kept in good shape, and maintained my interests, life, career and friends. After a year or so of dating around, I focused on men who were serious about getting married/having kids (including divorced single dads), had a stable career and were pretty content in life, minus the partner. The guy I married is not tall (neither am I), not rich (but makes 2x what he did when we met, as do I), but cute, very smart, funny, in great shape, and very committed to me and our family. I feel very lucky that I figured it out and did not spend forever looking for perfection.

[Anonymous]

They are ALL looking for: a tall (over 6'0"), fit, handsome white guy with good hair, who is successful, educated, articulate, not weird, has friends, has a nice family, has socially acceptable hobbies and treats them like a queen. (i.e. pays for every date, plans romantic dates), etc.

Hmm. My husband is on the shorter side and just a tad overweight. I wouldn't say he is incredibly successful, but he has a stable job that pays pretty well. Some of the other stuff - educated, articulate, not weird, has friends, treats you like a queen (which to me doesn't necessarily mean paying for every date) is non-negotiable.