How important is it for tweens and teens to have their own rooms?

[Anonymous]

I posted this is the General Parenting forum but they suggested I post it here too since my question is actually more relevant to having teens and tweens.

In your experience, how important is it for tweens and teens to have their own private space?

For background context, we bought our house with the idea that we would eventually put an addition on that would give each of our sons their own room (our daughter has always had her own).

We talked to a contractor today and I was a bit disappointed with the result and how the addition would make the house look in their drawing. We have a dutch colonial and the addition would go on one side over our first floor sunroom, removing one of the overhangs but leaving the one on the other side. I'm having problems visualizing the house this way (and what I'm visualizing isn't good) so we're going to photoshop it this weekend and maybe I'll like it more. But I'm sort of leaning towards not doing it now.

I don't want to spend a lot of money (30k) to make a nice small house look ugly, kwim?

But is that selfish to our sons?


How important is it for them to have their own rooms? I mean, obviously I know that not every kid in the world grows up with their own room. But since we can afford to do it so does that mean we should?

[Anonymous]

You could have just asked for the thread to be moved.

[Anonymous]

Oh sorry I didn't know you could do that!

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, I think it's important. Very important, in fact. But they would hardly be the only teens to go without.

[Anonymous]

I do not think it is necessary.

Your kid will gain more valuable.life skills by sharing a room.than he will.by always having his own room.

I think it is only important when there is a big age difference.

[Anonymous]

We fought so much more when we had to share a room than when we moved and got our own space. Like night and day but depends on the kids. I loved my own space as a teen just to have some space and decompress. Having that made me so much more happy but don't think my sister cared either way.

[Anonymous]

I had my own room growing up (only girl) and my kids (both boys with 6-year age gap) have always had their own rooms. That said:

I don't think it's important or necessary.

[Anonymous]

No, it doesn't mean that you should.

[Anonymous]

The closer they are in age, the better for sharing a room. Hopefully, the room is big enough for each to have adequate space (small dresser, desk etc). They also need to have respect for each other's belongings.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's all that important, but a lot easier if it's a large room where each can have space.

Growing up, I had my own room most of the time but actually chose to share with my sister for a few years in our teens because we were super-close and enjoyed having a "sleepover" every night.

[Anonymous]

It would be nice for them to have them own rooms but by no means necessary.

Depending on who is what age, could the boys have their own rooms when sister moves out? How about a space in the basement for someone?

[Anonymous]

i think it is very important. My boys need some personal space to decompress otherwise they are intolerable. I think everyone needs some personal space but especially teens.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would

[Anonymous]

Did you promise them their own rooms? If you did you should keep your word.

[Anonymous]

I certainly wouldn't go through the time and expense to add on to your house in a way that you feel isn't good for your long-term plans. As long as they have some place where they can have some downtime and privacy, I don't think their own rooms should be any kind of 'need.' Literally billions of people in the world share rooms and having your own room is a recent luxury.