How important is it for tweens and teens to have their own rooms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you promise them their own rooms? If you did you should keep your word.

Yes, we mustn't disappoint the children.

[Anonymous]

Not important. I shared a room with my sister and we are four years apart. I never had a problem finding quiet time (even if it meant going to another part of the house) and me and my sister are very close now. The only thing that bothered me was we had a different tolerance for mess, but I think it is good to learn to live with someone else and compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you promise them their own rooms? If you did you should keep your word.

Yes, we mustn't disappoint the children.

We shouldn't lie to them or make promises we don't intend to keep. But I'm assuming you care about your children as more than a checklist item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this is the General Parenting forum but they suggested I post it here too since my question is actually more relevant to having teens and tweens.

In your experience, how important is it for tweens and teens to have their own private space?

For background context, we bought our house with the idea that we would eventually put an addition on that would give each of our sons their own room (our daughter has always had her own).

We talked to a contractor today and I was a bit disappointed with the result and how the addition would make the house look in their drawing. We have a dutch colonial and the addition would go on one side over our first floor sunroom, removing one of the overhangs but leaving the one on the other side. I'm having problems visualizing the house this way (and what I'm visualizing isn't good) so we're going to photoshop it this weekend and maybe I'll like it more. But I'm sort of leaning towards not doing it now.

I don't want to spend a lot of money (30k) to make a nice small house look ugly, kwim?

But is that selfish to our sons?


How important is it for them to have their own rooms? I mean, obviously I know that not every kid in the world grows up with their own room. But since we can afford to do it so does that mean we should?

Consult with another contractor?

Can you put the extra room in another area of the house like the basement?

[Anonymous]

If you have the money, then it is nice to have. If you do not, then it is not essential.

I think you should send your architect back to the drawing board. It is ridiculous to think you can't design an astheticall y pleasing addition.

[Anonymous]

It's not important. in fact, I think it's better for kids to share rooms. It teaches many valuable life communication skills, about sharing, tolerance, compromise.
It's been the norm throughout most of history, except for the last 50 years in upper class societies.

My 2 girls share a room, and my 2 boys share a room and I have 2 extra bedrooms. I'm not changing it, unless something dramatic happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not important. in fact, I think it's better for kids to share rooms. It teaches many valuable life communication skills, about sharing, tolerance, compromise.
It's been the norm throughout most of history, except for the last 50 years in upper class societies.

My 2 girls share a room, and my 2 boys share a room and I have 2 extra bedrooms. I'm not changing it, unless something dramatic happens.

Interesting, but I have the same observation. My two girls grew up with separate rooms. Then we ended up moving from 6K sq ft to 1,800 sq ft house and now they share the room. I feel like they became so much closer. They talk to each other before the bedtime each night, i hear them giggling a lot. In past, when they had separate room, no one was allowed to enter each other room without permission, so it was like a war zone (I saw one time one of them was staying at the door of another's sister room and asking for eraser because she was not allowed to enter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not important. in fact, I think it's better for kids to share rooms. It teaches many valuable life communication skills, about sharing, tolerance, compromise.
It's been the norm throughout most of history, except for the last 50 years in upper class societies.

My 2 girls share a room, and my 2 boys share a room and I have 2 extra bedrooms. I'm not changing it, unless something dramatic happens.

+1

My boys are 13 and 10 and have shared a room practically since the younger one was born. As a result, they are very close in a way that I don't think they would be if they didn't share a room because their personalities are so different. There is something about those late night talks - when they are supposed to be sleeping - that has created what I hope will be a life long bond.

And it's a good thing, because I'm not interested in giving up our guest room.

[Anonymous]

I was never able to have my own private space when I was growing up. We have a 4 br house because I want my kids to have their own space.