If you had a great relationship with your parents growing up

[Anonymous]

What did they do or in what ways did they foster that relationship. What did they do right that other parents did wrong?

[Anonymous]

Interestingly-- I had a great relationship with my mother growing up but it disintegrated by adulthood. My sibling was in a constant struggle with my mom through early 20s and then ended up having a better adult relationship with my mom than I did.

I have a very good relationship with my teens.

The common denominators between how my mom raised me and how I raise my kids is the striving for "fairness" (not equality) and high expectations (but not a million rules).

[Anonymous]

My dad would take me to the bookstore or library and let me wander around for an hour or more. Sometimes we would sit tighter browsing magazines and sometimes we would separate in the store and then meet up again. Seems like a little thing, but it meant a lot to me at the time that he would take me. We didn't have a lot of money, but if he bought me a book, just because - wow, I would be so excited and surprised.

We would also take the dog on an after-dinner walk, just the two of us. We would clip out newspaper editorials and post them on the fridge - something we wanted the other to read and debate about together later in the day. We had a lot of political debates - this was DC after all. We still share political beliefs all these years later.

Just a lot of quality time, one on one, and a lot of talking.

[Anonymous]

Emphasis on fairness between my sister and me, no playing favorites (even though I didn't always agree with her definition of fair....)

I could tell her anything. No judging. I might get a lecture but no real punishment if I 'fessed up before getting caught.

Lots of one on one time, and she always had fun activities that we could do. Go for a bike ride and picnic. Go skating. But not pushy - when I needed space, she gave it to me.

She made our house the one that any of my friends could come over to, any time, for any reason. I remember one friend showing up on our doorstep in the middle of the night after fighting with her own parents. My mom quietly called her parents to let them know the girl was OK, then brought out hot chocolate, let us stay up and chat for a while, and let her spend the night. I loved her for that. And so did my friend!

[Anonymous]

I had a great relationship growing up with both of my parents, but will focus on my Dad for examples. He tried to create one on one time regularly with me, whether it was something mundane like running an errand, going for walks, or watching a movie. He also frequently thought of fun, interesting excursions in the local area. He used these times to have long conversations. He was thoughtful and generous, and frequently brought me small gifts. I knew he loved me unconditionally, and would always have my back. I miss him everyday.

[Anonymous]

We always knew that we were their #1 priority and they always set a good example. If they fought, we never knew it and they were always very loving. Even today I can still feel my dad's scratchy cheek because he would always give me a kiss before I went to bed.

[Anonymous]

I wish with all my heart that I had the parenting examples listed above, not for my own comfort but so I had that imprint for my own children. My dad was absent and my mother was emotionally unavailable. It's so hard for me.

[Anonymous]

At its core - not caring what other people think. Everything flowed from that. So many issues I see in parent/child relationships (control, judgment, disapproval, arguments, tension) are rooted in the parents seeing their reputation and success hinge on their child's behavior, appearance, and achievements. My parents are missing the "but what will the neighbors think??" chip and love and embrace me in all my fullness, warts and all.

[Anonymous]

My parents thought I was responsible. They used this adjective often. As a teenager sometimes I wondered if perhaps they didn't know some of the things I was doing, or they knew and surprisingly approved. I didn't know, but it didn't really matter either way. I grew up viewing myself as responsible. That gave me confidence in myself.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and had a wonderful relationship with my parents. I am 39 now and my mom (70) just died and on one hand I am so lost with out having her as a sounding board and just hearing her voice everyday but on the other hand she taught me to be strong, so there is strength that is keeping me going, esp as a mom to two young boys. Hard, but she was brace and courageous and independent and I got that from her.

My parents were never shocked by anything I told them. They did not make a huge deal about anything -- therefor I could feel comfortable telling them anything. The important stuff that happened, friend considered then had an abortion, relationship issues I was witnessing, things about school....real life stuff. And they ALWAYS LISTENED to me. We'd go out to dinner on a Friday night and laugh, tell stories, etc I wanted to tell them. The little stuff became big stuff sometimes and I was lucky enough to have 2 wonderful responsible adults to turn to when I needs advice or direction.

[Anonymous]

For me it was really just that they took the time to talk to me, ask me questions about my life, ask me questions about the world that would help me learn how to think and solve problems, and just take an active interest in my life without telling me what to do or making decisions for me. My parents are also both just very laid back, nonjudgmental, easy going, funny, down to earth people, so it was very easy to spend time with them and talk to them. When I visit them now as an adult we'll still just spend half a day sitting at home talking, catching up on our lives, and it's so much fun.

Another thing that I really appreciate about my parents is that if something was important, they found a way to make it happen, no matter what. We didn't have a lot of money, but I never felt like we didn't have a lot of money- they found a way to make sure I could take music lessons, go to summer camp, etc. They were very resourceful and had good priorities in life.

Also sense of humor. Good natured teasing, and goofiness. Simple fun things to do together like hiking and playing board games.

[Anonymous]

I'm Not op, but these are helpful, thanks.

[Anonymous]

My parents were loving but laid back. They were relatively strict, but clearly had confidence in me to do the right thing so gave me a lot of freedom. I remember them jokingly insisting I would be annoyed at them as a teenager and going out of my way to prove them wrong about that (reverse physchology at its best). Granted, I was a good, rule-following kid (chicken or egg, it's hard to say) but we had a good relationship my entire life. Even my brother, the family 'black sheep' who was more inclined to challenge them loved them both deeply and is now very close with my one surviving parent. I think the keys were consistency about family rules but also good humor and a clear respect and interest in us as individuals.

[Anonymous]

I always knew that they absolutely loved me and truly believed in me.

Also, they set clear limits but were not overly or arbitrarily strict. I knew what the boundaries were, but within those boundaries I had a fair bit of freedom.

They were young parents (my mother was 21 when she had me) and were hippies, so we also had a lot of silly fun when I was growing up (and waaaaay too much earnestly healthful food).

My parents are still among my favorite people to spend time with.

[Anonymous]

All my siblings and I have a great relationship with my parents. I think it was because of a few things - my parents were fair and loved all of us equally. They loved being parents to us and made us a priority. My dad and mom had a loving relationship and my dad taught us by his actions as to how my mother was to be obeyed and respected. We were given freedom to express ourselves and be goofy at home, but we had to adhere to the best behavior and manners outside the home (dad was in military). My parents are very moral, compassionate and principled people. It has proved to be the best lesson in our lives because all we have to do when faced with a decision is to think what mom and dad will do in the same situation and do that.