How did your kids take the divorce and the introduction of a new girlfriend or boyfriend?
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Anonymous
| The title says it all. These are things I'm worried about when thinking about divorcing. |
Anonymous
| Wait as long as possible. Serious. |
Anonymous
To divorce or introduce to new significant other? And what is your reasoning? |
Anonymous
|
I have four. The two older kids were VERY relieved when we split up. The two younger kids were REALLY young (one was still in diapers) and rolled with it really well. My ex and I probably didn't speak at all for two months immediately after I moved out. We really just needed space from each other. We did what you're not supposed to do and let the older kids relay messages to us. "Mom said to ask you to bring milk, bread and eggs when you drop us off." "Dad said to tell you he is picking us up at 1pm instead of 3pm so we can go to a family party." We both said okay to anything during that time. I think the older kids were like ... 10 and 13? 9 and 12?
When I started dating someone we didn't tell our respective kids for over six months. Probably closer to a year. He and I had been friends for over a decade so the kids knew him already. No joke, when we told the older kids one of them said "I just don't ever want to accidentally see him in his underwear or anything gross." And I promised that wouldn't happen, and it hasn't. The younger kids were like "does this mean more presents?" and I said "No, but it means more love" and they were fine and off playing two minutes later. My ex and DH get along nicely. If the kids invite their father to stay for dinner, DH is quick to set an extra place at the table and get him a drink. They shake hands. When DH's favorite aunt was killed, my ex hugged him and sent food to DH's mom (her sister). |
Anonymous
| It depends on what the new person is like, if they are good with kids, if they are moving in, if they have their own kids, and if you are expecting the children to make further sacrifices for your relationship. I never took to my mom's boyfriend because he is an unemployed loser and was cheating on his wife when they started dating. |
Anonymous
|
Younger kids may seem to be ok with it, but then resent it more as they get older and catch on to the hassles of being a child of divorce.
Remember that "children are resilient" is just a tired cliche. It is not always true and it may not be true of your children. It doesn't mean "children are cooperative." It doesn't mean "children enjoy living in two houses". It doesn't mean "children like your boyfriend's kids". All it means is that they will likely find a way to get through it without major psychological problems as adults. |
Anonymous
| Are you thinking about introducing an AP without telling the kids the truth? My mom did that to me amd after I found out, our relationship has never recovered. Don't deceive your children. |
Anonymous
How did they find out? |
Anonymous
When she introduced him as her boyfriend, I had a suspiciom and the dots just kind of connected in my mind. I asked her point blank and she finally stopped lying. We still have an okay relationship, but not like it was because I know her true character. And I will never accept him as a family member. |
Anonymous
| What makes you think you will be dating anyone? |
Anonymous
Why do you ask? OP said they were considering divorce, not entering a monastery. |
Anonymous
Because I have a funny feeling OP wants to swap in her boyfriend as New Daddy. |
Anonymous
| My GF is great with kids, super athletic and fun. We did some fun trips to Costa Rica and Jamaica to break the ice. My daughters love her. |
Anonymous
| Kids met the gf about one year after the split. The two little ones were too young to care—they call her Mom. The oldest does not call her mom but is respectful as she is of him. I suspect that different families/kids/dynamics all cause different reactions though. |