People who have chronic loneliness

[Anonymous]

I have chronic loneliness. I've always felt lonely, even as a child. I was an only child too. Even as a teen/college student I still felt lonely all the time. Now I have a husband and kids but still feel chronically lonely when I am not around them (like when the kids are in school and husband is at work). I have friends, and several good friends. No local family though and a very small extended family. I feel extisentially alone in the world, and always have. I think a big part of that is being an only child, having parents who live far away and are not involved, and very little extended family (no real relationships).

Why do I feel like this? I've been to lots of therapy and have never been able to gain any insight into this.

[Anonymous]

What does your loneliness feel like? Sadness? Disconnectedness? Something else?

Most people (even those with siblings) aren't around people all the time. I love being by myself, but others might get that hollow lonely feeling.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're the only one. I think part of it is the way our society has evolved, where we live in small nuclear family units and often move far away where we grew up, with a lot of people also moving frequently throughout their adult lives. But I think part of it is just the stark reality of human consciousness that Joseph Conrad captured so eloquently: "We live, as we dream - alone."

There was something else I read as a kid in a SciFi book that really struck me and has always stayed with me, and I think about it in moments when I'm feeling particularly alone. It was in the Castle of Wizardry, the fourth book in the Belgariad series by David Eddings:

"Oh, Aunt Pol," he said, very close to tears. "What's the matter, dear?" she asked, carefully smoothing his hair.
"I'm so *lonely.*"
"Is *that* all?"
He lifted his head and stared at her incredulously. He had not expected that at all.
"Everyone is lonely, dear," she explained, drawing him close to her. "We touch other people only briefly, then we're alone again. You'll get used to it in time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your loneliness feel like? Sadness? Disconnectedness? Something else?

Most people (even those with siblings) aren't around people all the time. I love being by myself, but others might get that hollow lonely feeling.

OP here. Yes, sadness, disconnectedness, anxiety about being alone, rarely if ever having anyone call/email me just to say hi and see how I'm doing, feeling invisible to others (i.e. I'm not thought about often, not invited to things often, etc.) Also knowing that when it comes down to it that friends just aren't there for you the way family is, and my family is thousands of miles away and not really involved in my life (their choice).

Even though I'm an only child, I always disliked being alone (and still do). I can entertain myself just fine, but I always feel uncomfortable/anxious being alone.

[Anonymous]

I feel loneliness at holidays OP even when I with a ton of people.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with 5 siblings and have felt loneliness most of my life. The longest I went without feeling lonely was when I was pregnant.

[Anonymous]

I hope I'm being helpful but try to make the first step.

I can go in spurts when I don't see friends or no one calls me and I feel lonely. Then I start to reach out to people, call them, make plans and then it spirals into other interactions -- sometimes you have to put yourself out there.

[Anonymous]

I love being alone yet rarely feel lonely. When I do I go to the store.

If therapy didn't help, no one can. Get a hobby. Make an animal happy. Rescues are waiting. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[Anonymous]

You have a husband and kids and are financially set why the hell are you moaning about being lonely? I'm a single woman who just turned 30 and don't feel lonely. I have dogs and immediate family I am close to but if I had a hubby and kids I wouldnt moan on dcum about being lonely. Also grew up practically an only child and played by myself growing up.

[Anonymous]

I also was raised as an only child & I have always experienced a fair amount of loneliness throughout both my child AND adult years.

I hated being an only child and wanted siblings more thas anything.

I feel every child should be raised w/at least ONE sibling to avoid the type of loneliness that usually ensues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also was raised as an only child & I have always experienced a fair amount of loneliness throughout both my child AND adult years.

I hated being an only child and wanted siblings more thas anything.

I feel every child should be raised w/at least ONE sibling to avoid the type of loneliness that usually ensues.

Agree with you but even having siblings such as a girl having a brother much younger than her doesnt always mean they will be close. Its weird but as a only kid before my bro came along what I wanted most in the world was a dog.

[Anonymous]

OP, you really need to learn how to be alone. What is up with so many people that they NEED to be around others ALL the time? It's just plain weird. Get comfortable with yourself. Enjoy your OWN company. It'll pay off in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your loneliness feel like? Sadness? Disconnectedness? Something else?

Most people (even those with siblings) aren't around people all the time. I love being by myself, but others might get that hollow lonely feeling.

OP here. Yes, sadness, disconnectedness, anxiety about being alone, rarely if ever having anyone call/email me just to say hi and see how I'm doing, feeling invisible to others (i.e. I'm not thought about often, not invited to things often, etc.) Also knowing that when it comes down to it that friends just aren't there for you the way family is, and my family is thousands of miles away and not really involved in my life (their choice).

Even though I'm an only child, I always disliked being alone (and still do). I can entertain myself just fine, but I always feel uncomfortable/anxious being alone.

I don't feel lonely most of the time. But nobody ever calls to ask how I am. I'm invited to things once or twice a year. And it's always by my brother, when he and his wife are hosting THanksgiving or something. My life has basically always been this way. I have people I'm friendly with, like at work. But this doesn't much translate to regular life. I went to college at night part time and don't know anyone from then. I'm FB friends with a few people from high school, but don't live anywhere near there and never talk with them. Mostly I only feel lonely when I see extended family getting together through pics on Facebook, and I'm not there. Maybe you need to adjust your expectations?

[Anonymous]

Do you work? Sounds like you have too much time on your hands to gaze at your own navel. Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you're the only one. I think part of it is the way our society has evolved, where we live in small nuclear family units and often move far away where we grew up, with a lot of people also moving frequently throughout their adult lives. But I think part of it is just the stark reality of human consciousness that Joseph Conrad captured so eloquently: "We live, as we dream - alone."

There was something else I read as a kid in a SciFi book that really struck me and has always stayed with me, and I think about it in moments when I'm feeling particularly alone. It was in the Castle of Wizardry, the fourth book in the Belgariad series by David Eddings:

"Oh, Aunt Pol," he said, very close to tears. "What's the matter, dear?" she asked, carefully smoothing his hair.
"I'm so *lonely.*"
"Is *that* all?"
He lifted his head and stared at her incredulously. He had not expected that at all.
"Everyone is lonely, dear," she explained, drawing him close to her. "We touch other people only briefly, then we're alone again. You'll get used to it in time."

Thank you for this. A very thoughtful response and quite true.