Feel that I was advised badly

[Anonymous]

I was told that my value and worth stems from developing my intellect and my mind. Those girls who focused on their beauty and chased boys were shallow and inferior. It was stupid to care about my acne or learn how to put together an outfit. I was to forgo trying to fit in and focus on school.

Where fast forward a decade and I am in a decent relationship and a crappy job from which I'll never be able to retire. Those girls who focused on looks at dating are now happy SAHM with beautiful children and carefree lives while I am following the rat race.

I wish someone told me to abandon feminism and focus on intellect and academics. I wish I learned to use my beauty when I was younger.

[Anonymous]

Parents have been advising their less than attractive daughters to focus on academics for decades. A quick glance at female govt attorneys confirms this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents have been advising their less than attractive daughters to focus on academics for decades. A quick glance at female govt attorneys confirms this.

Brutal.

[Anonymous]

Never to late to get hobbies and learn how to dress, put on makeup etc if that's what you want to do. As humans we can always reinvent ourselves. You're an adult. You can be smart and beautiful and interesting.

[Anonymous]

My parents made me focus on intelligence and school. I was a biglaw lawyer. Now I stay home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was told that my value and worth stems from developing my intellect and my mind. Those girls who focused on their beauty and chased boys were shallow and inferior. It was stupid to care about my acne or learn how to put together an outfit. I was to forgo trying to fit in and focus on school.

Where fast forward a decade and I am in a decent relationship and a crappy job from which I'll never be able to retire. Those girls who focused on looks at dating are now happy SAHM with beautiful children and carefree lives while I am following the rat race.

I wish someone told me to abandon feminism and focus on intellect and academics. I wish I learned to use my beauty when I was younger.

I don't understand what you are saying. Is this bolded sentence a typo?

In any case, it's not too late to do anything. Reinvent yourself if you want.

But you're in a good relationship? But yet even though you focused on intellect and academics you have a crappy job? paragraph to paragraph you are saying different things, I can't figure out your point.

But my point is nothing is forever. Change your circumstance.

[Anonymous]

If you think that only beautiful women get married and have kids, you're mistaken.

[Anonymous]

I focused on academics and intellect. Went to the best schools. Now I'm comfortably well-off, own my own properties and literally don't work. I've spent the last half year getting into shape, getting healthy and taking beauty tutorials. Guess who's signing up for a matchmaker next year?

And I love it. My life is amazing because I made it amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was told that my value and worth stems from developing my intellect and my mind. Those girls who focused on their beauty and chased boys were shallow and inferior. It was stupid to care about my acne or learn how to put together an outfit. I was to forgo trying to fit in and focus on school.

Where fast forward a decade and I am in a decent relationship and a crappy job from which I'll never be able to retire. Those girls who focused on looks at dating are now happy SAHM with beautiful children and carefree lives while I am following the rat race.

I wish someone told me to abandon feminism and focus on intellect and academics. I wish I learned to use my beauty when I was younger.

I don't understand what you are saying. Is this bolded sentence a typo?

In any case, it's not too late to do anything. Reinvent yourself if you want.

But you're in a good relationship? But yet even though you focused on intellect and academics you have a crappy job? paragraph to paragraph you are saying different things, I can't figure out your point.

But my point is nothing is forever. Change your circumstance.

Because he's a troll.

[Anonymous]

I was always told that. I was never the pretty one in any group, but I was always the smart one. I focused on my grades. Did extremely well in college. Got a graduate degree. Had amazing and fun career.

Married a man who loves me for my brain. Eventually quit working to focus on kids. Now SAHM to three, one of whom is actually a beautiful girl. I tell all of them to focus on their grades. I cannot imagine teaching any child that her goal should be to look good so she doesn't have to work.

Beauty fades. Dumb is forever.

[Anonymous]

Any woman who stays fit and dresses nice will have tons of options.

[Anonymous]

You have a lot more money and resources at your disposal than you did when you were younger. If you're not happy with your looks, change it up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was told that my value and worth stems from developing my intellect and my mind. Those girls who focused on their beauty and chased boys were shallow and inferior. It was stupid to care about my acne or learn how to put together an outfit. I was to forgo trying to fit in and focus on school.

Where fast forward a decade and I am in a decent relationship and a crappy job from which I'll never be able to retire. Those girls who focused on looks at dating are now happy SAHM with beautiful children and carefree lives while I am following the rat race.

I wish someone told me to abandon feminism and focus on intellect and academics. I wish I learned to use my beauty when I was younger.

I wouldn't be so certain of that. People don't tell everything about their lives on Facebook! Anyway the reality is that you're very unhappy now and you should be thinking about what you can do to make things better. Would you really want to fund a fancy lifestyle by selling yourself to the highest bidder? I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

It's not either/or nowadays. You're also making a false assumption that all SAHMs are happy. There are still so many women who did not focus on a career but went the SAHM route who feel trapped in a bad marriage with children to support but have limited means to leave because they didn't focus on a career.

If you're stuck, you need to make changes to get yourself unstuck. It sounds like you're in your early 30's. You're still young and have the time. Don't give in to your despair.

For starters, go volunteer at a women's shelter; you need to see the other side.