STBXH is about to start something with DD's physical therapist

[Anonymous]

This is really just a rant. I have posted on DCUM a few times about my divorce. Our daughter has PT twice a week. We are in a contentious divorce and we both go to every appointment possible. I realized last week after they had several private, intimate side convos that my soon-to-be XH is now after our physical therapist. I am not jealous, but woukd feel sorry for her if she bought his BS. After dealing with his games for 6 years, I see he is setting her up as a romantic interest. I suspect his motive is to use her, as a professional, to screw me in some way in the future. He spread lies about me to my/our friends. Most didn't listen, some did. I can't stop what he is going to do. I am just pissed that I am about to be put at odds with this woman who is supposed to be providing medical care for my daughter. I can't request a change at the moment, but as soon as I can. I will.

[Anonymous]

You need to behave in an irreproachable way so that everyone you come into contact with has a hard time believing what he says. A divorced father at school said terrible things about his ex when he enrolled his kids, and we didn't believe him. She has gone out of her way to be courteous, kind and attentive, for YEARS, so... actions speak louder than words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You need to behave in an irreproachable way so that everyone you come into contact with has a hard time believing what he says. A divorced father at school said terrible things about his ex when he enrolled his kids, and we didn't believe him. She has gone out of her way to be courteous, kind and attentive, for YEARS, so... actions speak louder than words.

This is great advise, and I will take this to heart. Ugh. I need to start doing my hair and makeup, too, when getting DD ready for these appointments.

[Anonymous]

In addition to following pp's advise, please see a therapist.

You are now inventing scenarios in your mind that people are conspiring against you.

You have no idea what they were discussing.

You have no idea her thoughts on the matter, yet you are worked up over this. Divorce is hard, contentious divorce is even harder.
Don't make a tough situation worse by putting the cart before the horse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to following pp's advise, please see a therapist.

You are now inventing scenarios in your mind that people are conspiring against you.

You have no idea what they were discussing.

You have no idea her thoughts on the matter, yet you are worked up over this. Divorce is hard, contentious divorce is even harder.
Don't make a tough situation worse by putting the cart before the horse.

This. You're becoming your own worst enemy, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you sound a little deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You need to behave in an irreproachable way so that everyone you come into contact with has a hard time believing what he says. A divorced father at school said terrible things about his ex when he enrolled his kids, and we didn't believe him. She has gone out of her way to be courteous, kind and attentive, for YEARS, so... actions speak louder than words.

This is great advise, and I will take this to heart. Ugh. I need to start doing my hair and makeup, too, when getting DD ready for these appointments.

Hard as it may be, I advise you to disengage and let go. He is not your problem any more, and his dating/personal life is not your business.

[Anonymous]

Don't request a change until something actually happens. It would be unethical for your PT to get involved with the parent of one of their patients, so hopefully that will put a roadblock up against whatever your ex might try to do, and if so, you shouldn't punish the PT for something your ex did. If they do get involved, though, then you do need to request a change.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the PT has any interest? You seem to be placing her in your triangle with your ex but she very well may have zero interest in being there. Your perception might be a bit distorted due to the high emotion and stress level around your divorce. I assure you if you switch PTs due to your suspicion when there's actually nothing going on, it will bite you in the butt.

Don't worry about your hair and make-up. Just keep taking the high road and doing the right thing for your kids - rinse, lather, repeat. Don't let your suspicions guide you, even if you're "convinced" of something - that will lead you straight in the wrong direction.

Just do the right thing, even when your ex is being a d**k. Get some therapy to give you that outside perspective and calm you down when necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition to following pp's advise, please see a therapist.

You are now inventing scenarios in your mind that people are conspiring against you.

You have no idea what they were discussing.

You have no idea her thoughts on the matter, yet you are worked up over this. Divorce is hard, contentious divorce is even harder.
Don't make a tough situation worse by putting the cart before the horse.

This. You're becoming your own worst enemy, OP.

I agree with others that you don't know what they are discussing, but since it would be inappropriate for the PT to discuss anything other than patient care and progress, it is NOT appropriate for side conversations to be going on that don't include you.

I think the only thing you can do is express to the PT that you've noticed that she often speaks with only your DH after the appointments and that since both parents care for and are concerned about the child, you would like to be included in these conversations that have to do about the child's progress and care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really just a rant. I have posted on DCUM a few times about my divorce. Our daughter has PT twice a week. We are in a contentious divorce and we both go to every appointment possible. I realized last week after they had several private, intimate side convos that my soon-to-be XH is now after our physical therapist. I am not jealous, but woukd feel sorry for her if she bought his BS. After dealing with his games for 6 years, I see he is setting her up as a romantic interest. I suspect his motive is to use her, as a professional, to screw me in some way in the future. He spread lies about me to my/our friends. Most didn't listen, some did. I can't stop what he is going to do. I am just pissed that I am about to be put at odds with this woman who is supposed to be providing medical care for my daughter. I can't request a change at the moment, but as soon as I can. I will.

Yeah, you're not jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In addition to following pp's advise, please see a therapist.

You are now inventing scenarios in your mind that people are conspiring against you.

You have no idea what they were discussing.

You have no idea her thoughts on the matter, yet you are worked up over this. Divorce is hard, contentious divorce is even harder.
Don't make a tough situation worse by putting the cart before the horse.

This. You're becoming your own worst enemy, OP.

I agree with others that you don't know what they are discussing, but since it would be inappropriate for the PT to discuss anything other than patient care and progress, it is NOT appropriate for side conversations to be going on that don't include you.

I think the only thing you can do is express to the PT that you've noticed that she often speaks with only your DH after the appointments and that since both parents care for and are concerned about the child, you would like to be included in these conversations that have to do about the child's progress and care.

I'm sure the PT has a number of other patients and its unrealistic to expect the PT to remember this request from OP. Rather, when OP sees a side discussion she should just insert herself and see what they are discussing.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that you don't know what they are discussing, but since it would be inappropriate for the PT to discuss anything other than patient care and progress, it is NOT appropriate for side conversations to be going on that don't include you.

I think the only thing you can do is express to the PT that you've noticed that she often speaks with only your DH after the appointments and that since both parents care for and are concerned about the child, you would like to be included in these conversations that have to do about the child's progress and care.


I'm sure the PT has a number of other patients and its unrealistic to expect the PT to remember this request from OP. Rather, when OP sees a side discussion she should just insert herself and see what they are discussing.

I completely agree with these 2 PPs. I've got 2 kids with SN and have spent years with various therapists, including PTs. I highly doubt the PT is interested in your STBXH. When she comes out to discuss care/progress, you should just insert yourself into the conversation.

How old is your DD and why are you both going to PT with her? If you're going twice a week, why don't you take her one day and your STBXH the other?

[Anonymous]

You sound angry bitter and a little nutty, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah you sound a little deranged.

I don't think you know what deranged means. So first, grapple with that. Then, work on being a bit kinder. Your post wasn't. Have a nice day.