Elope? or Parents only?

[Anonymous]

Do you think it's okay to invite only your parents to your wedding?

Fiance and I are trying to come up with a reasonable solution to me not wanting my BIL at our wedding. I don't want to get into it but my BIL has been rude to me for years. I've distanced myself, but honestly, don't want to deal with him at all on our wedding day.


We don't really want to elope because we want our parents there. Actually, would like more family members in attendance, but We can't invite his siblings and not mine, and I can't invite only 2 of my siblings or all of my siblings and exclude a spouse.

We're kind of leaning towards parents only.

It's going to be small, courthouse and dinner small.


Does this seem reasonable?

To make matters more complicated my sister seems to think an invite is happening because she's assuming BIL will take our photos, he's a photographer, I've never once given her the impression we'd want that.

[Anonymous]

We eloped. My MIL is still pissed about it 15 years later but really don't care. My mother was too sick to travel and MIL wouldn't entertain of doing it where my mother lived, so f* it. We had a two week honeymoon instead. Totally worth it and have never regretted our decision.

Do what makes you happy!

[Anonymous]

Sounds extremely good to me!

Have fun!

Best wishes!

Have an awesome day

[Anonymous]

Eloping will probably be simpler for you -- even if you do parents only it sounds like you're in for an uncomfortable conversation with your sister about the BIL photography thing.

[Anonymous]

I assume going the opposite way isn't an option? Inviting a large enough number that BIL fades into the crowd? This is your sister's husband?

[Anonymous]

If you have decent, loving parents, please please include them. Otherwise, do what you need to do. I don't know your BIL and how awful he is, so I can't judge. My much-despised SIL was at my wedding (fewer than 50 guests, so not an intimate gathering but not a gala event) and I didn't really even have to interact with her other than to greet her and make small talk for two minutes. I can't stand her for many reasons, but her presence did not take up any of my mental energy. It helped that there were enough people present that I didn't have to sit at a table and eat with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have decent, loving parents, please please include them. Otherwise, do what you need to do. I don't know your BIL and how awful he is, so I can't judge. My much-despised SIL was at my wedding (fewer than 50 guests, so not an intimate gathering but not a gala event) and I didn't really even have to interact with her other than to greet her and make small talk for two minutes. I can't stand her for many reasons, but her presence did not take up any of my mental energy. It helped that there were enough people present that I didn't have to sit at a table and eat with her.

This +1,000,000. Your parents are the only people in the world - spouse included - who have loved you unconditionally. You don't want to exclude them, so don't.

[Anonymous]

I think it's cleaner to elope alone. Especially if one of the reasons is that you want to avoid BIL.

Hire a great photographer and/or videographer and gift the tape to your parents. Plan a nice meal out with them to celebrate.

Every person I know who tried to "elope" but still invite some friends or family eventually ended up just planning a whole wedding. The ones who pulled it off were the ones who did it with JUST the bride and groom.

[Anonymous]

Parents only sounds ideal. I personally couldn't not have my parents at my wedding.

I also don't see the issue with not inviting your BIL if you don't want him there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cleaner to elope alone. Especially if one of the reasons is that you want to avoid BIL.

Hire a great photographer and/or videographer and gift the tape to your parents. Plan a nice meal out with them to celebrate.

Every person I know who tried to "elope" but still invite some friends or family eventually ended up just planning a whole wedding. The ones who pulled it off were the ones who did it with JUST the bride and groom.

Nope.

We did it. Parents and one friend each (plus spouse). Euro destination and we paid. Everyone was in the same place for three days and then everyone went off on their owns vacations. Worked perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume going the opposite way isn't an option? Inviting a large enough number that BIL fades into the crowd? This is your sister's husband?

OP here. Yes. We want a small wedding fewer than even 20 people. If it weren't for our parents we'd probably just elope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We eloped. My MIL is still pissed about it 15 years later but really don't care. My mother was too sick to travel and MIL wouldn't entertain of doing it where my mother lived, so f* it. We had a two week honeymoon instead. Totally worth it and have never regretted our decision.

Do what makes you happy!

Same situation. My DH's mom was ill, mom wanted the wedding in my hometown. I told her the wedding was going to be where my MIL was and she can either show up or miss out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume going the opposite way isn't an option? Inviting a large enough number that BIL fades into the crowd? This is your sister's husband?

OP here. Yes. We want a small wedding fewer than even 20 people. If it weren't for our parents we'd probably just elope.

Please just invite your parents then. Sounds like you'd regret it if you didn't.

[Anonymous]

DH and I really wanted to just have a courthouse wedding but MIL and my mom really wanted to be there so we ended up planning a small wedding (less than 30 people). In hindsight, I'm really glad we had our parents there, although don't really care one way or the other about the other guests. It meant a lot to our moms to see us get married and since we have good relationships with them, it was worth it to us to have the wedding for them. If we'd needed to exclude a nasty immediate family member, we would have just gone with a courthouse marriage but invited the parents only.

[Anonymous]

My vote it to include parents, go to the courthouse and have a nice dinner. You could call it a 'surprise' wedding to siblings who express displeasure with having been excluded. Plan a ladies-only brunch or tea afterward to celebrate with Moms, Aunts, friends and siblings.