Elope? or Parents only?

[Anonymous]

Please have your parents there to share the happy event.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Meant to ask whether your sister is aware of her husband's rudeness to you and your feelings towards him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it's okay to invite only your parents to your wedding?

Fiance and I are trying to come up with a reasonable solution to me not wanting my BIL at our wedding. I don't want to get into it but my BIL has been rude to me for years. I've distanced myself, but honestly, don't want to deal with him at all on our wedding day.


We don't really want to elope because we want our parents there. Actually, would like more family members in attendance, but We can't invite his siblings and not mine, and I can't invite only 2 of my siblings or all of my siblings and exclude a spouse.

We're kind of leaning towards parents only.

It's going to be small, courthouse and dinner small.


Does this seem reasonable?

To make matters more complicated my sister seems to think an invite is happening because she's assuming BIL will take our photos, he's a photographer, I've never once given her the impression we'd want that.

I love the idea of a wedding with just both sets of parents there. It sounds lovely and a wonderful solution to your dilemma. I hope you have a wonderful marriage with many happy years together!

[Anonymous]

I just officiated at my sister's wedding. Kind of same situation. She did a pop up with a super fast turn around (think a week!!!) She invited only parents (flew her soon to be DH's father in from England) and just some of the siblings. She lives in CA now but wedding was here in DC. She got me designated as officiant a month or so ahead (all I had to do was get the form she brought in notarized) and then truly less than a week before told those they wanted there where to show up. We had wedding in a pretty part of the city and then we went to restaurant they'd arranged for afterwards. Rest of family found out after the fact and the excuse that it was spur of the moment and almost impetuously romantic mitigated some of the hurt feelings. The excluded brother probably had a clue he wouldn't be wanted as a guest but would have been awkward to exclude from a larger planned event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just officiated at my sister's wedding. Kind of same situation. She did a pop up with a super fast turn around (think a week!!!) She invited only parents (flew her soon to be DH's father in from England) and just some of the siblings. She lives in CA now but wedding was here in DC. She got me designated as officiant a month or so ahead (all I had to do was get the form she brought in notarized) and then truly less than a week before told those they wanted there where to show up. We had wedding in a pretty part of the city and then we went to restaurant they'd arranged for afterwards. Rest of family found out after the fact and the excuse that it was spur of the moment and almost impetuously romantic mitigated some of the hurt feelings. The excluded brother probably had a clue he wouldn't be wanted as a guest but would have been awkward to exclude from a larger planned event.

that's terrible.

[Anonymous]

Will your parents agree to attend if you aren't inviting your siblings?

Our best friends wanted to just invite their parents, but the groom's father wouldn't come unless his three other children - two of whom are literally mentally ill - were also invited. They ended up eloping by themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just officiated at my sister's wedding. Kind of same situation. She did a pop up with a super fast turn around (think a week!!!) She invited only parents (flew her soon to be DH's father in from England) and just some of the siblings. She lives in CA now but wedding was here in DC. She got me designated as officiant a month or so ahead (all I had to do was get the form she brought in notarized) and then truly less than a week before told those they wanted there where to show up. We had wedding in a pretty part of the city and then we went to restaurant they'd arranged for afterwards. Rest of family found out after the fact and the excuse that it was spur of the moment and almost impetuously romantic mitigated some of the hurt feelings. The excluded brother probably had a clue he wouldn't be wanted as a guest but would have been awkward to exclude from a larger planned event.

that's terrible.

It may not have been what you chose to do but it's not terrible. I think it sounds terrific!

[Anonymous]

We eloped, and people were informed after we were married. We did it to avoid the drama makers. I think once you tell your parents you will elope but parents will be included, you're likely to not end up with the experience you want. You invite the parents because you do want to include them, but they're going to have opinions on what you're doing and may try to change your plans. Parents are going to tell other family your plans (siblings) and then you'll have to listen to them also.

[Anonymous]

Invite your parents. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH ok with excluding his siblings? You don't want to cause any hurt feelings on his side of the family simply because your BIL is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH ok with excluding his siblings? You don't want to cause any hurt feelings on his side of the family simply because your BIL is a jerk.

He agrees that it's the fairest solution. His sister is a very reasonable and understanding person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cleaner to elope alone. Especially if one of the reasons is that you want to avoid BIL.

Hire a great photographer and/or videographer and gift the tape to your parents. Plan a nice meal out with them to celebrate.

Every person I know who tried to "elope" but still invite some friends or family eventually ended up just planning a whole wedding. The ones who pulled it off were the ones who did it with JUST the bride and groom.

Nope.

We did it. Parents and one friend each (plus spouse). Euro destination and we paid. Everyone was in the same place for three days and then everyone went off on their owns vacations. Worked perfectly.

Same here! I brought my mom, DH brought one sibling (his parents are deceased). We went to Europe and invited no one else- none of my 3 siblings, and only 1 out of my H's 4 siblings. Totally easy and drama free.

[Anonymous]

I know OP didn't want to elaborate, but I guess one thing to consider is the nature of BIL's awfulness. I get that he's a jerk iver yhe years, but it there an actual likelihood that BIL will say or do sf something awful during the duration of the event?
I do foresee OP's parents maybe feeling awkward/weird about no other siblings.
I also wonder OP, if you want to give this much power to the jerk BIL? He's essentially dictating your wedding.
Again, depends on the nature of BIL's awfulness...

[Anonymous]

+1 - this option is very gracious

[Anonymous]

We did this! Eloped with just parents. Happily married 12 years later. Good luck OP