How much can a woman put up with?

[Anonymous]

When I read entitled MILs posting on here it makes me very sad since it reminds me of my situation. I met and fell passionately in love with my fiancé 5 years ago. He was handsome, sweet and smart. Over the first year that we dated, I recognized that there may be some red flags here as he did. It introduce me to his family. I insisted he should and he does and it's a disaster. His mother has a history of scaring away his girlfriends and is controlling and has no concept of boundaries with her children. I tip toes around for the last few years being nice and polite and trying my best and hoping they'd accept me but when he proposed after 4 years of us dating, his family said it was " too soon" and didn't talk to us for a week. When we visited them in the months following no one in the family talked to us about the wedding planning. When I brought it up I was told why the rush? We need to save our money and go on a vacation instead!

It's been 5 years of bull shit. I am 30 and I am so sad because I could've been married into a nice family had I been dating someone else. I feel like I wasted my time trying to put up with people who wouldn't accept me.

[Anonymous]

Just don't invite them to the wedding. Also, stop visiting them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I read entitled MILs posting on here it makes me very sad since it reminds me of my situation. I met and fell passionately in love with my fiancé 5 years ago. He was handsome, sweet and smart. Over the first year that we dated, I recognized that there may be some red flags here as he did. It introduce me to his family. I insisted he should and he does and it's a disaster. His mother has a history of scaring away his girlfriends and is controlling and has no concept of boundaries with her children. I tip toes around for the last few years being nice and polite and trying my best and hoping they'd accept me but when he proposed after 4 years of us dating, his family said it was " too soon" and didn't talk to us for a week. When we visited them in the months following no one in the family talked to us about the wedding planning. When I brought it up I was told why the rush? We need to save our money and go on a vacation instead!

It's been 5 years of bull shit. I am 30 and I am so sad because I could've been married into a nice family had I been dating someone else. I feel like I wasted my time trying to put up with people who wouldn't accept me.

Well, it's not their fault, is it? It sounds like you're about to choose a lot more years in misery, so what's the point of your post?

[Anonymous]

What does your finance say? Are you planning a wedding?

Can't you move on with your life without whatever it is you're looking for from them? Or is finance too intertwined with them?

[Anonymous]

Isn't this your second post about this exact same issue? You got advice to elope, so just elope.

[Anonymous]

You have a typical MAN problem.

Not only does he need to realize his family is crazy but he actually has to do something about it - like move away, limit contact and set a date for a small wedding (they can come if they want, but they're not obligated to do so, and are definitely not expected to contribute financially).

At some point in our adult lives, we need to take responsibility for our actions. This applies to you too. You can lay it all out before him. If he's still on the fence, you're done.

[Anonymous]

How much does a woman put up with? Your choice. You don't have to put up with any of it. The other girlfriends all left = HINT. You can also choose to not marry into this family. No one can make that decision but you.

[Anonymous]

WTF?! I thought this post was going to be about the burdens of single parenthood, the challenge of co-parenting with an addict, etc. Instead, it's a self-pitying post about a woman whining about the choices SHE made. You CHOSE to date this guy for 5 years. You CHOSE to hang on when you should have moved on. You are blaming your BF's family but they're not the problem. You have a BF problem. He's made choices that you've accepted.

It's time to move on. Don't waste any more time on this relationship. Your BF will not change and you will be come even more bitter and disappointment as time goes on. You still have a lot of life left in you. I didn't meet my now-DH until I was 30. Didn't get married until I was 35. Move on!

[Anonymous]

A woman can put up with a whole lot more than this.

Either your fiancé wants to make a life with you, or he doesn't.

Either he is ready to make the break with his family or he isn't. Spell it out. Give him a few months to decide whether he can make the break, and then either elope or break up.

Do you have a family? Are they normal?.

[Anonymous]

I dislike my inlaws and the feeling is mutual. I love my husband. I don't deal with the inlaws. DH is ok with it. I wish my kids had an extended family, but DH is a good man and a wonderful father. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Your fiance can choose you or choose your parents. Getting married doesn't mean you have to stop loving or caring for your parents, but it does mean you create your own new nuclear family, and that family comes first.
Fiance not only needs to accept it, he needs to embrace it. He also needs to let his parents know that if THEY can't accept it, then he will cut them off.
You need to calmly lay this out, and if can't give you a good response, you end it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike my inlaws and the feeling is mutual. I love my husband. I don't deal with the inlaws. DH is ok with it. I wish my kids had an extended family, but DH is a good man and a wonderful father. It is what it is.

This. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

He proposed to you. He wants to marry you so talk to him about this. Then decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike my inlaws and the feeling is mutual. I love my husband. I don't deal with the inlaws. DH is ok with it. I wish my kids had an extended family, but DH is a good man and a wonderful father. It is what it is.

+1 same. I gave up trying to please or win them over after 1 year. It is what it is.