how do you stay positive?

[Anonymous]

we're going to be trying our fourth ivf cycle soon. i find it hard to stay positive given the history of past ivf failures, a miscarriage and years of trying.
how do you stay positive? what do you to keep the negative thoughts out? please share. thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

First of all, I'm sorry for all you've been through. I found that accupuncture helped me to be in a better place mentally. I also tried to not focus too much on the "big picture" and try to just get through each day one at a time. I know how hard it is to stay positive. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

I am about to miscarry....from my 3rd IVF. Staying positive is very hard. I just try to stay busy, have something to look forward to, and believe in God. I fall back on his plan and it makes things easier for me. I did accu. for a little while last year, and I found the extra appts. were stressing me out. We go to enough docs anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP here. i am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. having gone thro' one, i know it's heart-breaking. my thoughts and prayers go to you.
another thing i find myself doing is constantly obsessing over ivf and having a baby. it's always there in the back of my mind. that, too, is stressful.
i've just started doing yoga and that seems to be helping.

[Anonymous]

op- i'm sorry for your loss, and i am in the same boat too. we miscarried, and now getting ready for our 4th ivf. i agree, it is very difficult to stay positive...i find myself planning for additional treatments b/c i assume this one is not going to work...which is not good; obvi. i need to take things one day at a time, but it is so hard.

i agree w/ the pp about trying to stay busy especially with whatever makes you happy. i went for a really long walk yesterday and it cleared my mind and put me in better spirits. i also quit my job that was driving me crazy a few months ago, and that is helping my mood swings.

i find myself "obsessing" too but i can only imagine that it is normal considering all of the time and money invested in doing IVF. i'm at the age where all of my friends are having babies, and that makes it harder for me.

please take care - your feelings are justified. it's an extremely tough, emotionally and physically draining road. many hugs to you - and the best of luck to you as well.

[Anonymous]

op again. thanks for sharing your thoughts. its reassuring to know that i am not the only one struggling to stay positive. and you're right. i am in planning mode, too. in my head, i've already planned up to the 6th cycle (at least the financial aspect). my husband keeps telling me not to, but it makes me feel better knowing that i have a plan.

i agree that we have to keep busy with those things that make us happy.
and as far as our friends go, most of them already have 2 kids between the ages of 2-5. we get together with them, but sometimes its weird on the kid's birthdays because we're the only ones without kids.

best wishes for your upcoming cycle. i really hope it works for you (and us).

[Anonymous]

11:48 pp here- thank you and again - hugs and best wishes. you are never alone!!! we'll get through this!!!!

[Anonymous]

10:32 pp here----GOsh, I feel like I've met my long lost friends....the 4th IVF-ers! It's so great that there are others that know how I feel. This is my first BFP ever....it was so awesome. But I'm 8w5d pregnant....baby only measures 6w and heartbeat is 90. We're waiting for it to fail. And it didn't grow but 2mm this past week. I'm happy my body can do it! But it wasn't the right embryo. When will we ever get it right?

[Anonymous]

10:32 pp, i (op) had the same thing with my second ivf. the heartbeat slowed down by 6.5 weeks to 80 something. i had a d&c 2 weeks later.
if you don't mind sharing, which practice are you going to?
i am with SG.

[Anonymous]

10:32 here, I'm with CFA, Sacks. I was with SG for 2+ yrs. I liked them, but needed a change. This was my first IVF with Sacks and positive! He didn't change my protocol much, and he agreed with most of what SG did, so that was reassuring. I'm really ready to move on, I've let go of this baby, and waiting this out is terrible.

[Anonymous]

10:32 - i'm so sorry for your loss.
how do you know what the heartbeat and measurements are supposed to be? or anyone who knows could answer?
i miscarried a year ago, but my doctor never made any comments or anything when we did the heartbeat sono - so i just assumed everything was OK. but now am wondering if we should have expected the inevitable at that point?!?

[Anonymous]

18:02--REs (and OB'Gyns) know what the heartbeat should be and what the measurements at different stages.

the info is also available online. i forget which site i was looking at, but if you do a search for heartbeat at 6w, etc., you'll be able to find the range of what is considered to be the normal heartbeat.

when i went in for an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks, the hb was 114bpm. at 8.5 weeks, it had slowed down to 84. my RE told me that i would be miscarrying.

[Anonymous]

10:32
I've had a similar situation as 18:02. Details....At 7w4d HB was 106 and baby measured 6mm(it should have been 12). Then at 8w4d HB was 90, and baby measured just slightly larger at 8mm (it should be in the 20'smm I think). So with the very slow growth and low heartbeat, we're very sure something is wrong. Either I pass it naturally, we see no HB next week, or we wait until 11 w genetic testing to really confirm, then D&C.
It's nice to have company when things are rough. Thanks ladies!
I've actually had an awesome day. I'm so ready/excited to try again....this feeling has been wonderful (while it lasted).

[Anonymous]

20:07: i totally agree!! am so glad i found you all! this is all hard enough and to be able to "talk" to other girls going through the same thing helps so much.

cheers and best wishes to all of you wonderful ladies!!!!

[Anonymous]

18 months ago we had a late term miscarriage after doing several months of IUI and I remember thinking we'd never have a child. We started trying again and did some IUIs that didn't work before we decided to go to IVF. Last month we had a gorgeous baby boy. He's healthy and the absolute love of our lives. Don't give up and don't lose hope. I can honestly say after more then 2 years of the most stressful times I can imagine, he was worth it. Good luck!