Should an 11 year old boy tell people he is gay?

[Anonymous]

My son told me he was gay recently. I have no problem with it. Of course, I suspected but he talked about having girlfriends a lot too up until he told me he was gay.
Anyway, I told him I'm proud of him for telling me but I'm not sure he should talk about it with kids at school.

He went to camp this summer and met someone. His feelings for that boy made it clear that he was gay. (Knowing that kid, I will say he's so much better than any of the girls he said he liked).

Now I feel like it is all he talks about - mostly because he has someone he likes.

My question - I'm obviously afraid he will be teased and bullied at his conservative Catholic school. He already feels very isolated.
Also he is very young so it doesn't really matter if he wants to be with boys or girls - he isn't dating anyone.

I fear I am making him think he needs to hide. I guess I just don't think everyone needs to know something so personal about him right now. I'm not sure if he knows whether he is gay or bisexual either.

They are still at an age where they are teased if they talk to someone of the opposite sex. Coming out seems like a lot more than anyone else is talking about at this age.
I know things have progressed but this is a Catholic community where I know several parents condemn homosexuality.

The way I've handled it is to say he doesn't need any announcement at all. Just love who you love and be with whomever you love. It's nobody else's business.
Heterosexual kids don't have to answer any questions so I think he should assume the same.
Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I need clarity on having "girlfriends (plural)" If the childis only 11?

-parent of a fifth grade student who hasn't had girlfriends or boyfriends because they are in 5th grade and no one does?

[Anonymous]

Get him a new school. Please.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you in that people don't feel compelled to say, "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm straight."

I would contact PFLAG for constructive advice and support for you and your kid. He might want to tell people b/c he wants to talk about it. It would help to start these conversations in a safe place.

[Anonymous]

He's ELEVEN.
Dial it way back, and for God's sake do not label any of his feelings for him.

If he told you he was gay, I'm not sure any religious school will be a good fit - it's not the administration you have to worry about, it's the few intolerant kids and parents who can make life very difficult for your child.

I would research an LGBT group for his age group, and perhaps a counselor.

[Anonymous]

Fifth grade?

Kids are talking about minecraft and fantasy football. Some are still into legos.

Boy/girl stuff is not really a big topic of conversation in the 11 year old boy crowd. My vote is not based off what the neighborhood 4th - 6th grade boys are talking about now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son told me he was gay recently. I have no problem with it. Of course, I suspected but he talked about having girlfriends a lot too up until he told me he was gay.
Anyway, I told him I'm proud of him for telling me but I'm not sure he should talk about it with kids at school.

He went to camp this summer and met someone. His feelings for that boy made it clear that he was gay. (Knowing that kid, I will say he's so much better than any of the girls he said he liked).

Now I feel like it is all he talks about - mostly because he has someone he likes.

My question - I'm obviously afraid he will be teased and bullied at his conservative Catholic school. He already feels very isolated.
Also he is very young so it doesn't really matter if he wants to be with boys or girls - he isn't dating anyone.

I fear I am making him think he needs to hide. I guess I just don't think everyone needs to know something so personal about him right now. I'm not sure if he knows whether he is gay or bisexual either.

They are still at an age where they are teased if they talk to someone of the opposite sex. Coming out seems like a lot more than anyone else is talking about at this age.
I know things have progressed but this is a Catholic community where I know several parents condemn homosexuality.

The way I've handled it is to say he doesn't need any announcement at all. Just love who you love and be with whomever you love. It's nobody else's business.
Heterosexual kids don't have to answer any questions so I think he should assume the same.
Thoughts?

I don't think a Catholic school is a good fit for him, unless he goes deep into the closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need clarity on having "girlfriends (plural)" If the childis only 11?

-parent of a fifth grade student who hasn't had girlfriends or boyfriends because they are in 5th grade and no one does?

My friend who came out as adult had lots of "girlfriends" in the tween years and none in high school. He has always had close female friends and calling someone a girlfriend was a way to justify having friends with girls when kids start separating into group of boys or groups of girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

maybe it's a clever way to get out of going to catholic school?

An 11 year old could be bullied at any school for being gay or for being considered gay. It's really not an issue until he wants to start dating. In many ways I don't believe the OP is real b/c of course anyone would know Catholic school wouldn't be the best fit for a gay kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

maybe it's a clever way to get out of going to catholic school?

An 11 year old could be bullied at any school for being gay or for being considered gay. It's really not an issue until he wants to start dating. In many ways I don't believe the OP is real b/c of course anyone would know Catholic school wouldn't be the best fit for a gay kid.

It's totally a troll. No 11 year old has a storied dating past, the "met someone" at camp things dumb (and if the kid just "met" the boy how does mom (not at camp) know the boy? Saying that he has both had girlfriends but also is at an age where "kids get teased if they talk to one another" also doesn't make sense.

[Anonymous]

OP, its not your job to police who he tells - that's his job. It's your job as his parent to help him through whatever he's going through.

[Anonymous]

As open and progressive as many Catholics are, I think it will be much more challenging for him to find himself in that school setting. I suggest you visit some small progressive private MS, preferably those that have welcome nights for gay parents or do other things to openly signal that they are a supportive community for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get him a new school. Please.

maybe it's a clever way to get out of going to catholic school?

An 11 year old could be bullied at any school for being gay or for being considered gay. It's really not an issue until he wants to start dating. In many ways I don't believe the OP is real b/c of course anyone would know Catholic school wouldn't be the best fit for a gay kid.

While Catholic schools aren't "gay friendly", don't assume bullying based on sexual identity is tolerated. My kid never heard the term "gay" used as a slur in all her years in Catholic school. Two weeks into MCPS, she's heard it dozens of times. She was shocked and dismayed at how mean public school students are to each other in general and how openly homophobic the boys are.

[Anonymous]

He's 11. He has no idea who he is. My son told me he thought he was gay when he was 13. I told him that his sexuality was his alone and that it made no difference to me (the truth) but that I thought he was too young to start labeling himself as anything. We talked a lot about relationships and the ways in which people grow and mature. We talked about how being gay is just one part of who a person is. And of course, I reminded him that we would love and support him regardless of whom he chooses to love. He is 18 now and his only relationships have been with girls. I think he was questioning back then.

I think an 11 year old is ridiculously too young to have girlfriends or boyfriends. I'm concerned that you think it's appropriate. I wouldn't be concerned about his sexual orientation. It's concerning that you are encouraging any kind of girlfriend/boyfriends relationship.