Should an 11 year old boy tell people he is gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You decide when your are are 18

Who are you before then? Nothing? A work of art in progress being formed by someone else? A puppet of your parents? This makes no sense. People don't need to decide who they are; they are whoever they are from the moment they're born, and "who you are" is rarely a static concept anyway since most aspects of people's identity and self-concept frequently change & evolve.

[Anonymous]

To answer the question in your subject line, OP, no he should not. Because chances are very good he is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

Kids and teens can still be extremely homophobic and this can lead to repercussions that go far beyond "some difficult moments." In a perfect world I'd completely agree with you, but just because it's never been easier to be an LGBT adult doesn't mean that kids always have it the same. I'd at least suggest having the kid get a feel for social environments before diving in to avoid unnecessary bullying, labeling, and social exclusion, all of which still happen in a lot of places.

Signed,
A twenty-something who was completely ostracized for being gay and is currently in therapy.

39 y/o. I waa not 11 when I came out but I was hardly an adult either. If one has a strong sense of self he will be fine. I recognize that at 11 that may be difficult but I don't know this child. One of my own kids has a very strong sense of self and it would probably not be a problem. One of the others it would very challenging. I didn't see you volunteer it in your post (although op seized in you as having experience). How old were you when you came out?

PP here. I was a very independent 16 year old who felt prepared and thought they could handle anything. It turned out this wasn't the case in a completely homophobic environment where I received zero social support or acceptance. I realize my experiences don't speak for everyone but I think that some LGBT people who've only had decent or better coming out experiences severely underestimate how truly horrible it is to deal with massive social ostracization and isolation, both of which happened to me less than a decade ago. A strong sense of self (which I had and was frankly eroded by my experiences) couldn't save me from bullying, abuse, and adults who at best turned a blind eye and at worst contributed.

[Anonymous]

Regardless if he is gay or straight your biggest issue is that you are completely ok with an oversexualized child. That is very disturbing. I have boys and girls. None, zero, zilch had girlfriends or boyfriends at that age -- there may have been a fleeting crush here or there but meeting someone at camp is ridiculous one one level but very concerning on another. Can't he just go to camp and do the sport? Why is he looking for a boyfriend or someone to like? He is 11!

[Anonymous]

I would say that this is personal information (so is being heterosexual) and you should tell people you are close with, but not everyone. Just like most kids who have a crush don't go around telling everyone that. Not because it's shameful, but because it's personal and intimate information that you should share only once you know somebody and know they will not try to use information in a hurtful way.

[Anonymous]

The only thing you need to focus on for now is getting him out of Catholic school. It's a homophobic environment, which can't be good for him if he is having these questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the dissenter here. 39 y/o gay man if it matters. If your son wants to tell people let him. It is his life. And straight people they are straight because everyone assumes that you are.

I cannot imagine being out at 11, but it is a different world then when we were kids. Letting people think you are something that you aren't isn't good for ones mental being. Being out is liberating even if it comes with some difficult
Moments.

Btw, imo it is actually a bit homophobic of you to hide his sexuality if it comes up in conversation. For example if anyone asks you if he is show interest in girls yet, you absolutely should could tell that he is showing interest in boys.

Kids and teens can still be extremely homophobic and this can lead to repercussions that go far beyond "some difficult moments." In a perfect world I'd completely agree with you, but just because it's never been easier to be an LGBT adult doesn't mean that kids always have it the same. I'd at least suggest having the kid get a feel for social environments before diving in to avoid unnecessary bullying, labeling, and social exclusion, all of which still happen in a lot of places.

Signed,
A twenty-something who was completely ostracized for being gay and is currently in therapy.

39 y/o. I waa not 11 when I came out but I was hardly an adult either. If one has a strong sense of self he will be fine. I recognize that at 11 that may be difficult but I don't know this child. One of my own kids has a very strong sense of self and it would probably not be a problem. One of the others it would very challenging. I didn't see you volunteer it in your post (although op seized in you as having experience). How old were you when you came out?

PP here. I was a very independent 16 year old who felt prepared and thought they could handle anything. It turned out this wasn't the case in a completely homophobic environment where I received zero social support or acceptance. I realize my experiences don't speak for everyone but I think that some LGBT people who've only had decent or better coming out experiences severely underestimate how truly horrible it is to deal with massive social ostracization and isolation, both of which happened to me less than a decade ago. A strong sense of self (which I had and was frankly eroded by my experiences) couldn't save me from bullying, abuse, and adults who at best turned a blind eye and at worst contributed.

39 y/o poster here. Your experiences are valid and your concerns legitimate, but I hate the op seized on that as personal experience and disregarded my experiences from 20 years ago. Neither you nor I knows who it will go for this child, but neither does op. Looking for experiences to support her already established position does not do her son any favors. I'm sure she comes from a good place, but her response to her son will have profound effect on him the rest of his life and she cannot afford to be wrong, even if protection is her goal. I don't envy her position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that this is personal information (so is being heterosexual) and you should tell people you are close with, but not everyone. Just like most kids who have a crush don't go around telling everyone that. Not because it's shameful, but because it's personal and intimate information that you should share only once you know somebody and know they will not try to use information in a hurtful way.

Spoken from a position of heterosexual privilege. I am sorry, but whether you realize it or not you tell people that you are straight every day, many times a dat, every day of your life. It's not intimate; sexuality is a defining characteristic nearly on oar with gender or race.