Would you leave your 8th grader with friends to travel with DH?

[Anonymous]

My DH in an academic travels several times/year. In summer we go with - but now DS is quite serious about school and refuses to take time off. Should I go to china for a month and leave DS with his friends' families? Friends in immediate neighborhood are high school age, serious students with academic parents (college town).

I have never been to China and it looks like a good place - Kunming and surrounds. DH is going for a month - Should I go for 2 weeks?

TIA

[Anonymous]

Sure. You have awesome friends if they're willing to board your kid for two weeks.

It's a fun change of pace for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Depends what the depth of friendship is. Everyone in that family should like your kid (and yourself).

I would happily invite my son's best friend to stay with us the same circumstances, because she's like my own daughter. I would be leery of a random friend he didn't have a history with.

[Anonymous]

Go for 2 weeks

[Anonymous]

I think two weeks with a family that your DS knows well is fine, a month would be too long. Do they have the same extracurricular activities or do you have carpools in place?

I would sit down with the other parents and make sure expectations about chores, laundry, etc. are clear.

[Anonymous]

What about grandparents or an aunt/uncle?

[Anonymous]

I don't have any friends close enough that taking my child for an entire month wouldn't be an enormous imposition. Even the grandparents don't want to be primary caretakers for an entire month.

Sorry, OP, I don't think you can abdicate your parenting responsibilities for a month so you can go on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any friends close enough that taking my child for an entire month wouldn't be an enormous imposition. Even the grandparents don't want to be primary caretakers for an entire month.

Sorry, OP, I don't think you can abdicate your parenting responsibilities for a month so you can go on vacation.

Reread her post. She would only be going for 2 weeks.

I think it would be perfectly if and only if you felt your son was totally okay with you being gone AND the family is okay.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of friends I trust my kids with. For carpools and sleepovers, and even overnight trips. But for 2 weeks or a month (your OP says both)? I would not feel comfortable with this. It's a lot to ask of the other family to begin with, even and they might feel compelled to say yes because of your friendship. But most parents I know are swamped with their own kids during the school year. Having them wake up, feed, carpool, transport and oversee your kid too? I would be resentful of adding another kid to our household during the crazier times of the year when DH and I are hardpressed to get our own two kids (on ES and one MS) where they need to be, and to watch their tournaments, performances, etc.

Plus, once kids are old enough to be left with friends, they also need parental guidance and monitoring. You reallywant to leave another parent in charge of a kid who gets in trouble at school (and even the greatest kids do once in a while), has their heart broken by their first BF/GF, screws up on social media, starts to struggle academically with a class, is caught having sex or drinking-- or has a blow up the friend he is crashing with? Not to mention that even great teens have been known to argue, backtalk, sass, not do what they are told. And you are leaving the displine for this to someone else without parental authority.

No. I would not put full parenting responsibilities on someone else for more than a long weekend (when I was in the same time zone). And I would not feel comfortable having another parent provide the guidance and discipline for my kid.

If you have a grandparents or other close relative who can stay-- great. Otherwise, sorry. Having kids sucks sometimes. I agree it sounds amazing, and hard to pass up. But, this is one of those times parenting comes before having fun.

That said, it is up to you to decide whether your kid misses school. Just because he doesn't want to doesn't mean he can't (unless it does, like during APs, the SATs etc). Big difference between tacking a few days on to winter break and missing the entire month of May and/or June in HS.

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn't do that to my child, my friends (huge imposition) or myself.

[Anonymous]

^^'sorry-- we have one HS and one MS kid. 13 & 15.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not leave someone else in charge of my child due to a vacation.

[Anonymous]

I'd say a month is too long, a week is fine. Not sure about 2 weeks-- would probably be ok depending on the kid and the family.

[Anonymous]

1 to 2 weeks is fine.
A think a month is asking too much even for a great friend and a great kid.

[Anonymous]

Asking a friend to do this for 2 weeks is too much. A grandparent or aunt/uncle is probably okay (and they're more likely to tell you if it is too much of an imposition).