This is OK right? Very introverted teen

[Anonymous]

My daughter is - for all intents and purposes - a delightful 16 year old. She's funny, she's kind, she's involved and has good grades, she's very well-liked by her peers and teachers and coaches.

She just needs COPIOUS amounts of alone time and is so independent to the point it sometimes worries me. She says she has just one friend she "willingly would spend time with". Otherwise she says "I'm my own hero" and prefers to do her own thing, be off in her own world. That's not to say she doesn't socialize, she has friends but always says "whenever I'm out and about with them I'm just counting down the minutes until I can go home" (exception being that 1 friend, who she's known for years).

Just introverted? Reason to worry?

[Anonymous]

How do you know she is "very well liked by her peers" if she has no friends and spends time on her own?

Seems a bit tautological to me...

[Anonymous]

She sounds great.

She's happy and successful. She sounds like she functions just fine with people when she needs or wants to, and has a good friend.

I think people who aren't introverts sometimes don't realize how exhausting the day can be for an introverted child. School is a big effort, and it can take a lot of time to recharge from that. Even when we enjoy school, and our friends, it's exhausting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she is "very well liked by her peers" if she has no friends and spends time on her own?

Seems a bit tautological to me...

She doesn't spend all her time on her own. She plays 2 sports, has leadership positions in school clubs, does mock trial etc. It's not like she's coming home from school at 3PM every day and holing up in her room. Just that when she has free time not bound by school/clubs she'd rather be alone than with friends.

I guess I don't KNOW she is well-liked by her peers, but when I see her interacting with cross country teammates after meets, etc. she's always surrounded by people, smiling, laughing, gets a lot of likes/comments on social media from people from school etc. (I know that's not a true marker of popularity but still), and so on.

[Anonymous]

OP, i think it is totally OK. It seems like she is mature enough to understand who she is and what she wants. I wouldn't worry at all.

[Anonymous]

I think she sounds like an amazing, confident young woman!

[Anonymous]

Totally normal.
You have to remember that extroverts get their energy from other people and introverts get their energy from being alone. When an introvert spends all day engaging in necessary social pursuits and chit chat, it takes some serious downtime to be ready to do it again tomorrow.

If she is content with her friends/s and social life, and she is happy and thriving, let her be.

[Anonymous]

Being introverted is normall

But I would encourage you to consider whether your DD might have social anxiety, she is likely not to know that what it is or it's even possible her feelings have a name and she can get help.

Having BTDT and been like your DD, college and my early professional years made me realize that missing out on socializing in high school led to not advancing my social skills. I felt awkward in high school and it just continued. It was only as an adult I realized I had social anxiety and got help. Of course older teens an adults don't have social skills classes they have therapy it ws then a steep learning curve and even harder.

[Anonymous]

Mine is like this. There are just a couple of friends she is completely comfortable being around. One of those friends she's known since she was a baby.

It's not the she doesn't enjoy seeing her other friends, she just needs recovery time after almost all of her social interactions.

[Anonymous]

I was an introvert growing up and I was not half as outgoing and confident as your daughter. It took a lot of energy to go out with friends to the mall or a party. I really wanted to be at home in my room but somehow I knew being in my room all the time was not mentally healthy and my mother would be constantly nudging me to go out. Your daughter sounds fine.

[Anonymous]

Be grateful you don't have to worry about a party animal who is climbing out the windows.
Seriously she sounds like a really mature girl who is involved and not locked away in her room. Let her be and whatever you do don't push her too much so that she starts to feel like she's unusual in a negative way. She's unusual in a good way

[Anonymous]

My only worry about this would be in this day and age if she is spending all her alone time with her tablet or phone.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about her introversion per se, but her "I'm my own hero" line would give me pause. What does that even mean? That no one else is good enough for her, or can teach her anything? It smacks of smugness and hubris. If she is giving off that vibe, she may run into trouble down the road. Hopefully just an odd choice of words and not her actual mindset.

[Anonymous]

I think it's fine, as long as it's not new. If she was a social butterfly until recently, then I would be concerned. But if she's always spent her (very little it sounds like) free time to herself, then it probably isn't a problem.

[Anonymous]

I don't even think she is introverted. She is extremely busy with multiple activities and some leadership positions.

Let her be. It would be abnormal not to need some recharging after all that.

My kid is introverted. He has a circle of friends who get together out of school once every few weeks. Like his friends, he has some activities, but only one at school. That is right for them.