This is OK right? Very introverted teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't worry about her introversion per se, but her "I'm my own hero" line would give me pause. What does that even mean? That no one else is good enough for her, or can teach her anything? It smacks of smugness and hubris. If she is giving off that vibe, she may run into trouble down the road. Hopefully just an odd choice of words and not her actual mindset.

I thought the line was a throwaway that really meant, "Mom, I'm fine. Get out of my face and stop worrying that I am not you."

[Anonymous]

She does sound classically introverted, but not with social anxiety (due to being involved in lots of activities, and some of them requiring heavy social interaction/popularity like student govt). This is one of the least troubling things I've read on here - put another way, your DD sounds awesome and more self confident and self aware than most adults I know .

One of my kids is also introverted and really only feels loose/comfortable with a couple of his oldest friends. He even prefers to hang alone than with them usually, and rarely wants to participate in after school activities because he is wiped after a school day. He is quite happy as he is, though, so even though I do worry from time to time, I try to remember that he is an introvert and just different than I am (and it feels than most teens ). I do think he will need to figure out how to finagle a single dorm room in college - haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does sound classically introverted, but not with social anxiety (due to being involved in lots of activities, and some of them requiring heavy social interaction/popularity like student govt). This is one of the least troubling things I've read on here - put another way, your DD sounds awesome and more self confident and self aware than most adults I know .

One of my kids is also introverted and really only feels loose/comfortable with a couple of his oldest friends. He even prefers to hang alone than with them usually, and rarely wants to participate in after school activities because he is wiped after a school day. He is quite happy as he is, though, so even though I do worry from time to time, I try to remember that he is an introvert and just different than I am (and it feels than most teens ). I do think he will need to figure out how to finagle a single dorm room in college - haha.

I am the PP who mentioned social anxiety. I too as a teen was involved in lots of things and had a part time job and had leadership positions in clubs, etc. But I still had social anxiety. It was exhausting working up the emotional and mental energy to attend events, games, meetings, work and during them I was so keyed up I rarely really enjoyed them and then when I came home I just crashed and didn't want to interact with anyone. It was a balanced way to be and it wasn't introversion.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter sounds very similar to how I was in high school and how I am as an adult. Being around people can be extremely draining for introverts, even if it is their closest friends. As a previous poster said, introverts draw energy from being alone. Introverted does NOT mean rude or antisocial. Being in a large, public high school was extremely tiring for me and I did not even feel like talking when I got home. Your daughter probably feels the same way, especially since she is involved in so many activities. I wouldn't think twice about the "I'm my own hero" line. To me, it means that your daughter is confident and self-assured and doesn't worry about what others think.

[Anonymous]

She sounds fine. Sounds like me at that age. People forget that all the social activity in high school has only become "normal" in the last 50 years or so (7 different teachers, seeing several hundred kids per day, then doing a group activity after school).

There once was a time when the one room school house was normal and people only knew a handful of people in their lifetime.

My point is that it's expected now to be an extrovert. Whereas a long time ago, society was more suited for the introvert.

So accepting her as she is. She's confident, she does socialize, and she know she enjoys time on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds great.

She's happy and successful. She sounds like she functions just fine with people when she needs or wants to, and has a good friend.

I think people who aren't introverts sometimes don't realize how exhausting the day can be for an introverted child. School is a big effort, and it can take a lot of time to recharge from that. Even when we enjoy school, and our friends, it's exhausting!

What does that mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds great.

She's happy and successful. She sounds like she functions just fine with people when she needs or wants to, and has a good friend.

I think people who aren't introverts sometimes don't realize how exhausting the day can be for an introverted child. School is a big effort, and it can take a lot of time to recharge from that. Even when we enjoy school, and our friends, it's exhausting!

What does that mean?

It means that since introverts draw energy from being alone that being around hundreds of people all day can be physically and mentally exhausting. Introverts are NOT antisocial. They just need alone time to recharge after being around a lot of people, even if those people are their best friends. Extroverts, on the other hand, are invigorated when they are around people, so they may not understand that introverts' brains are wired differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she is "very well liked by her peers" if she has no friends and spends time on her own?

Seems a bit tautological to me...

She doesn't spend all her time on her own. She plays 2 sports, has leadership positions in school clubs, does mock trial etc. It's not like she's coming home from school at 3PM every day and holing up in her room. Just that when she has free time not bound by school/clubs she'd rather be alone than with friends.

I guess I don't KNOW she is well-liked by her peers, but when I see her interacting with cross country teammates after meets, etc. she's always surrounded by people, smiling, laughing, gets a lot of likes/comments on social media from people from school etc. (I know that's not a true marker of popularity but still), and so on.

If she does all those things, that is plenty of interaction. Let her choose how to spend her free time, especially if she has one good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she is "very well liked by her peers" if she has no friends and spends time on her own?

Seems a bit tautological to me...

She doesn't spend all her time on her own. She plays 2 sports, has leadership positions in school clubs, does mock trial etc. It's not like she's coming home from school at 3PM every day and holing up in her room. Just that when she has free time not bound by school/clubs she'd rather be alone than with friends.

I guess I don't KNOW she is well-liked by her peers, but when I see her interacting with cross country teammates after meets, etc. she's always surrounded by people, smiling, laughing, gets a lot of likes/comments on social media from people from school etc. (I know that's not a true marker of popularity but still), and so on.

Then I don't see the problem. Maybe you are the problem, over thinking a perfectly normal, balanced kid. You should stop now because she will want to have nothing to do with you as an adult. Take it from someone who has been through that particular, obsessive-parent ringer.

[Anonymous]

She sounds fine, it is great when people are happy with how and what they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know she is "very well liked by her peers" if she has no friends and spends time on her own?

Seems a bit tautological to me...

She doesn't spend all her time on her own. She plays 2 sports, has leadership positions in school clubs, does mock trial etc. It's not like she's coming home from school at 3PM every day and holing up in her room. Just that when she has free time not bound by school/clubs she'd rather be alone than with friends.

I guess I don't KNOW she is well-liked by her peers, but when I see her interacting with cross country teammates after meets, etc. she's always surrounded by people, smiling, laughing, gets a lot of likes/comments on social media from people from school etc. (I know that's not a true marker of popularity but still), and so on.

Then I don't see the problem. Maybe you are the problem, over thinking a perfectly normal, balanced kid. You should stop now because she will want to have nothing to do with you as an adult. Take it from someone who has been through that particular, obsessive-parent ringer.

God, DCUM is so annoying.

[Anonymous]

Is she anxious?

[Anonymous]

I'm very much like your DD. I grew up with a great group of friends but getting me out the door to socialize was tough. I was (and still am) happy to be home alone by myself and now with husband. I'm always happy when I get out and socialize but until that very moment I would rather be home.

[Anonymous]

Normal.

[Anonymous]

She sounds perfect! She knows what she needs in various situations, and she's able to self-regulate. Very mature!