Feeling really sad about being pregnant

[Anonymous]

This pregnancy was not planned, and yes we took steps to prevent it. We are physicians in residency and I did not want to become a mom yet. I wanted to be a little more settled into my career and have a little more flexibility than I will.

I know plenty of women have had children during residency and they and their kids are fine. It's just not what I wanted.

[Anonymous]

How far along are you?

[Anonymous]

You don't have to have the baby. Do you what you have to do to live your ideal life.

[Anonymous]

My cousin got pregnant with her first when they were both in residency. Now he's 9. We're about the same age and I'm just getting started with my family (one two year old and one on the way). FWIW, I'm super jealous that she started early, and wish I had started earlier as well. Now I'm just tired all the time.

[Anonymous]

I'm 15 weeks.
I don't want to terminate.
Just overwhelmed, and not sure how this is all going to work out.

[Anonymous]

I'm clearly not in your shoes, but I wanted to chime in to say that ambivalence toward a pregnancy (especially one that is "mistimed") is normal. And it's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed about this huge change you're in the middle of now, especially if you know that abortion isn't an option for you. (I felt this way with both of my (planned) pregnancies!) I also wanted to encourage you to seek professional help if you think you need it, ideally from someone who specializes in perinatal mental health. A good therapist and psychiatrist saved me during my first pregnancy and postpartum. Don't underestimate what you're going through -- between pregnancy hormones, the stress of residency, and the additive effect of this being unplanned/mistimed -- it's a lot. That said, humans are amazingly resilient creatures, as I'm sure you already know. Do what you have to do to shore up your support systems and build reservoirs of strength, and be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have to have the baby. Do you what you have to do to live your ideal life.

this.

[alycat]

Anonymous wrote:I'm clearly not in your shoes, but I wanted to chime in to say that ambivalence toward a pregnancy (especially one that is "mistimed") is normal. And it's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed about this huge change you're in the middle of now, especially if you know that abortion isn't an option for you. (I felt this way with both of my (planned) pregnancies!) I also wanted to encourage you to seek professional help if you think you need it, ideally from someone who specializes in perinatal mental health. A good therapist and psychiatrist saved me during my first pregnancy and postpartum. Don't underestimate what you're going through -- between pregnancy hormones, the stress of residency, and the additive effect of this being unplanned/mistimed -- it's a lot. That said, humans are amazingly resilient creatures, as I'm sure you already know. Do what you have to do to shore up your support systems and build reservoirs of strength, and be kind to yourself. Sending hugs.

Co-signed. This is a great response.

Its normal-- I felt that way even with a planned pregnancy. I was just coming off my residency and starting as a tenure-track assistant professor. Managing the stress and high expectations for myself + pregnancy hormones and the reality that for the first time my education/career would have to take a back seat was a tough pill to swallow. As that little fetus grew into a baby so did my excitement. I talked to women who had navigated a similar scenario before me. I talked to my supervisor about plans and expectations. I talked to my husband and a few trusted friends about what was on my mind. Now my little guy's here, he's 3 months old, and it has been amazing. Motherhood and being a career-focused woman has its challenges to be sure, but it is so incredibly rewarding.

[Anonymous]

What year in residency are you? My coresidents had babies in their third year, occasionally in their second. It's easier to have a baby 3rd year as you can arrange to have easy stuff when you are about to deliver. I know it sucks that your plans got derailed, but maybe you can make it work anyway.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant during law school, OP, and I felt the same. I did not want to abort but I REALLY did not want to be pregnant and I did not feel up to the challenge of focusing on the beginning of my career AND having a tiny person depending on me for their every need. And on top of that, I was completing law school during a bad economic period and had no job lined up. It felt nightmarish.

6 years later, I think everything worked out for the best. I combined the tiring, sucky period of my career with the tiring, sucky period of child rearing and now I feel like I have my life back on both fronts. I get to enjoy my kids AND my career and I am not exhausted! It is not so bad once you get out on the other end.

[Anonymous]

I am not in a residency, my pregnancy was very planned (after lots of trying and miscarriages) and I can tell you that I had (and still have) the same pit in my stomach sadness. I'm 18 weeks and this week has been the best I have felt emotionally thru the entire pregnancy. Last week I was on vacation and told my sweet little nieces the news (should have been on cloud 9) -- but still went back to my room and cried at times. I have been seeing a therapist thru all of it, before I even conceived and it has definitely helped. But those hormones are no joke! Be kind to yourself. It's so hard to hear that it gets better, and it's so hard to believe. But this week was the first time I actually thought that there might be light at the end of this tunnel.

Hang in there. You aren't alone. And you can do this! xo

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. I get it.

I found out I was pregnant during my second summer in law school while I was interning at a firm. I delivered in March, had spring break basically and was taking classes for my final quarter and then the bar exam. DH, like you, was a resident. We were 24 and 26.

On the one hand, we had a lot of energy and managed to get by so well we decided to have a second during the second year of my clerkship. On the other hand, we needed up. DH's mother basically moved into our small two bedroom apartment that first six months. It was invaluable. What is your childcare plan, OP?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. That is really tough. Your feelings sound normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 15 weeks.
I don't want to terminate.
Just overwhelmed, and not sure how this is all going to work out.

We never REALLY know how anything is going to work out in life. It's okay to not be super excited right now. That doesn't mean you won't be a good mom. Things will all work out. Allow yourself to feel what you want to feel.