Need a reality check - would this text make you angry?

[Anonymous]

DH mentioned that he needed some paperwork for his work about a week and half or two ago. I was in the middle of something and said "no problem - just remind me".

He never mentioned it again and I admit I flat forgot about it (I work full time and am 100% in charge of everything... house, lawn, kids, appointments, groceries, dishes,cooking, garbage, etc. You name it, I handle it) so it's not like I don't have 1,000,000 other things on my plate. DH's responsibilities are work and playing with the kids whenever he's around.

Anyway, I got a text today (which at work): "Need you to get that paperwork today. Boss is asking for it".

I was livid - seriously... not only does he expect me to do everything, he TELLS me to do things now?

I've had time to calm down, and just want a reality check. Would that text piss you off?



(and yes, things have to change - I've been taking steps to get him and the kids to help more because it's just not a fair distribution)

[Anonymous]

What was the substance of the paperwork OP?

[Anonymous]

no probably not. I'd just tell him I'm super busy and I hope I can get the time to do it.

[Anonymous]

What kind of paperwork?

[Anonymous]

Why can't he do it himself?

[Anonymous]

No, it would not make me livid or angry. Unless there is an implied tone which only you would know it just seems that he needs that paperwork now. I say this is an outside observer who knows nothing about you but just reading what you said it does not strike me as rude .


And I know you already know this but he needs to step up his game and do his share of the work .

[Anonymous]

op here- he needed info about our auto insurance to see if he can still drive to meetings in his car

[Anonymous]

Yes, that would actually really piss me off. As if he couldn't find his own goddamn paperwork anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he do it himself?

+1

It wouldn't make me mad, but I wouldn't drop what I was doing to go get it. If it were that important, he should've reminded you at a more convenient time.

[Anonymous]

It's terse but it wouldn't make me mad.

But I also wouldn't' kill myself to do it on the new timeline. If DH needs to explain to his boss that he is incapable of filling out paperwork in his personal life, and his wife forgot, then that's an embarrassment he will just have live through (since he caused it).

[Anonymous]

Why is there such an imbalance in your relationship? If you address that you might not get as angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here- he needed info about our auto insurance to see if he can still drive to meetings in his car

No it wouldn't make me angry. Stop being a martyr. I'd text back "Call Jim at Nationwide, he can send you the info". And then it is no longer your problem.

[Anonymous]

I would be mad to. Hardly a serious priority issue and he could've asked you that evening where to find it, or called the insurance agency himself and gotten a quick copy.

It's not like he's being a total d*ck about it but his lack of awareness would frustrate the crap out of me. To me his tone seems more lazy and unwilling to be responsible for his own needs as opposed to commanding you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's terse but it wouldn't make me mad.

But I also wouldn't' kill myself to do it on the new timeline. If DH needs to explain to his boss that he is incapable of filling out paperwork in his personal life, and his wife forgot, then that's an embarrassment he will just have live through (since he caused it).

+1. Also, DH has learned the hard way that when I say "ok but you'll need to remind me" when he asks me for something when I'm in the middle of doing something else, he needs to actually remind me. A couple of times, he didn't remind me and he didn't get what he needed. It caused him extra work which I didn't feel an ounce of remorse over, sorry dear but I'm not going to remember that thing you asked me about when I was in the middle of giving the dog a bath.

Now, he'll tell me about it and will follow up with a reminder (sometimes he'll put a reminder directly in my phone and will tell me he's doing it). I do the same. Neither of us is good about remembering tasks we're given in the course of a conversation, we need to write it down or get a follow up.

[Anonymous]

This would not be my problem to solve from the start (as I say that as one that has too much on her plate already). I would probably be pissed as I generally read too much into things, but after I cooled down I would probably realize he didn't mean to be pissy.