My alcoholic brother.... SUCKS!!!

[Anonymous]

Sucks!!!!He sucks for his denial. He sucks for what he is doing to his daughter. He sucks for blowing all of his money. He sucks for outbursts and name calling. He sucks for wanting to die. He sucks for drinking.

But I love him more than anything and want him back. I can't even have conversations with him anymore because it breaks my heart. If I cut him out of my life and he dies I will live for guilt my entire life.

How am I supposed to just take his name calling and outbursts and thirty incoherent texts at 4am??

How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

Is he married?

[Anonymous]

You go to Al Anon and work your own program. Then you will quickly learn how to "detach with love." And without guilt. This is not your cross to bear. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you try a couple different meetings and find people you can call on, or just see there, for support. It's there, it's free, and it really works I promise you. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

My brother is also an alcoholic. I had to cut ties with him for a while. I needed a break or I would go crazy. He's working again and drinking less at the moment so we're back in touch. The hardest thing about this is the fact that he's an adult and there's not much you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

I cut ties with my alcoholic bipolar sister, life is better.

[Anonymous]

BTDT and my brother did die. Eventually he started using drugs in addition to drinking. I have been heartbroken for the year he's been gone. I never cut him off. But I did step in and become like super aunt to his kids. We all(kids included) knew who he was and that we could t change him. So we accepted him and didn't let him get to a place in our lives where he could do any harm. Even with all of his faults, he had great qualities, he was the father of my beloved niece and nephews and I loved him. It's hard to understand when you don't live it. I'm sorry Op.

[Anonymous]

I cut ties with my alcoholic borderline father. I know I'm the only one who'd be able to get through to him. But I've tried, and I don't see why it should be my cross to bear. And yes, I live with guilt, and I know the feeling could get a lot worse. It's better than the abuse though.

I only suffered so long because he did sacrifice for me when I was younger. I'd cut out an alcoholic brother in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Daughter of an alcoholic father here- don't give up on him. Love him for who he is and be there. As much as you can and as much as it hurts. Just let him know you love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to Al Anon and work your own program. Then you will quickly learn how to "detach with love." And without guilt. This is not your cross to bear. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you try a couple different meetings and find people you can call on, or just see there, for support. It's there, it's free, and it really works I promise you. Hugs to you.

.

+1,000

Al-Anon. Now.

If you're not familiar with it: Al-Anon is not the same thing as AA. Al-Anon is for family members and others affected by someone's alcoholism. There you can find people who have been through what you are now going through. They will have experience and insight that you cannot get here on a general forum. Please, find local meetings and go. There is very likely one near you tonight. Don't put it off.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for sharing and tonthe pp who lost her brother, I am so very sorry. You are right I need to look for the good and just focus on the good.

[Anonymous]

Another plug for Al-Anon. I had thought my brother was in recovery for ten years but after he had a debilitating accident and couldn't work I had to get more involved in his life. Eventually I found out he was drinking again and I started going to Al-Anon after a hiatus of many years.

It's not always clear what you should do, OP, but you'll find support and hope and experience in Al-Anon - in particular the emphasis is on, as the pp noted, working your own program. You'll try to figure out where you need to step back to take care of yourself and where you can help. You'll learn to grieve over the loss but realize that it's the disease that's killing your brother and that you can't stop him if he wants to embrace the disease.

My brother was miserable and in chronic pain. He wanted to die and he basically drank himself to death so he got what he wanted. But I had people to talk to about it who understood what I was going through and that was a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sucks!!!!He sucks for his denial. He sucks for what he is doing to his daughter. He sucks for blowing all of his money. He sucks for outbursts and name calling. He sucks for wanting to die. He sucks for drinking.

But I love him more than anything and want him back. I can't even have conversations with him anymore because it breaks my heart. If I cut him out of my life and he dies I will live for guilt my entire life.

How am I supposed to just take his name calling and outbursts and thirty incoherent texts at 4am??

How do I handle this?

OP, I fully empathize and understand. Unfortunately, this is out of your control, and IT SUCKS!! I can tell you that your guilt will be misplaced. Focus on helping your niece - she needs you more than ever. God bless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter of an alcoholic father here- don't give up on him. Love him for who he is and be there. As much as you can and as much as it hurts. Just let him know you love him.

That is really unfair advice, especially if OP has her/his own family. Sometimes it really can be too much and the non-alcoholic sibling or relative has to step back, cut ties for awhile, and regroup. Alanon is an excellent resource.

It doesn't mean you have to stay away for good, but you can't be a support to anyone else (especially your own kids) if you're at your wit's end and almost insane yourself because of this behavior and the exhaustion. Sometimes you have to make some distance and get your own head back on right, then figure out how to be supportive but not sabotage your own life.

But saying you just have to stay in it no matter how much it hurts... sorry, that's horrible advice. He's ruining one life, why allow him to ruin 2 or more others as well? OP has to find a way to stay balanced and healthy, and if at times it means cutting brother off, so be it. OP can't help if OP is over the mental edge as well!

[Anonymous]

OP why are you not responding ot the suggestions of going to Al-Anon? Is there a part of you that is also in denial, as much as you also acknowledge how awful this has gotten? Al-Anon is a fantastic resource. You should go. It'll help you help your brother, your niece, and yourself a lot more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You go to Al Anon and work your own program. Then you will quickly learn how to "detach with love." And without guilt. This is not your cross to bear. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you try a couple different meetings and find people you can call on, or just see there, for support. It's there, it's free, and it really works I promise you. Hugs to you.

A hearty amen to that and hoping OP accepts that great advice.