Message Guy I Met on Dating Site?

[Anonymous]

Tell me if this is weird or not. I feel a little crazy thinking about doing this but at the same time I need to get it off of my chest.

Met a guy online, went out several time, I really felt we connected and I liked him.

Was going to go to his house and hang out but he kept pressing the issue of kissing, which probably would have happened, but him talking about it was making me uncomfortable.

I sent him a short message saying knock it off with the kissing

He stopped communicating with me.

I want to message him and say "I really liked you, and wanted to cover over but I dont know you and wanted to just feel safe".

Should I just let it go or send a message letting him know why I wanted him to knock it off. Chances are we would have kissed, the talk was just making me uneasy.

Send message to clarify or just move on?

[Anonymous]

Move on to someone you're more comfortable with. You sound like a head case and it's going to be difficult to salvage it with him anyway.

[Anonymous]

Move on. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on to someone you're more comfortable with. You sound like a head case and it's going to be difficult to salvage it with him anyway.

What exactly sounds like a head case about what I wrote? Not wanted to feel pressured by basically a stranger into any kind of physical stuff I was not ok with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on to someone you're more comfortable with. You sound like a head case and it's going to be difficult to salvage it with him anyway.

Yes, his inappropriate talk makes her the headcase. Maybe he should have knocked it off.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? if you are older than 20, then I'd say let it go. You went on several dates, liked him, but hadn't even kissed him? It is completely understandable for the guy to question you as kissing is an indicator whether someone likes you as a friend or boy/girlfriend. You were way to slow for him and too prudish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you just need to look for a guy that's equally prudish. He's not the one for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move on to someone you're more comfortable with. You sound like a head case and it's going to be difficult to salvage it with him anyway.

What exactly sounds like a head case about what I wrote? Not wanted to feel pressured by basically a stranger into any kind of physical stuff I was not ok with?

Yes. you went on several dates and didn't even kiss him. In this day and age you're sending a message that you're not interested. You need someone who is equally slow-moving in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

A guy wanting to kiss you is a GOOD thing after a few dates. You sound like you should not be dating at all. You can find good conversations outside of dating.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're compatible.

After a few dates you liked him but didn't want to kiss? Most people are going to want to explore that dynamic by then and I can't blame him (woman here).

It's fine to have your feelings--but it doesn't sound like he was out of line. I also think you need to rethink how you deal with this issue. Instead of telling him to "knock it off with the kissing" (which is a normal, healthy adult expectation), I think you need to take ownership and just say you're not ready and you need space. Not put the blame in the guy's corner. If you need it slow, fine, but that's really slow IMO and a little out of the usual for adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? if you are older than 20, then I'd say let it go. You went on several dates, liked him, but hadn't even kissed him? It is completely understandable for the guy to question you as kissing is an indicator whether someone likes you as a friend or boy/girlfriend. You were way to slow for him and too prudish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you just need to look for a guy that's equally prudish. He's not the one for you.

3 dates, and no kissing. Is that bad? I'm new to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? if you are older than 20, then I'd say let it go. You went on several dates, liked him, but hadn't even kissed him? It is completely understandable for the guy to question you as kissing is an indicator whether someone likes you as a friend or boy/girlfriend. You were way to slow for him and too prudish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you just need to look for a guy that's equally prudish. He's not the one for you.

3 dates, and no kissing. Is that bad? I'm new to this.

Man here. For most guys, it would mean you're not interested. Maybe look for dates are your church/temple/mosque? THey usually have groups for singles.

[Anonymous]

So dont message him and kiss sooner. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? if you are older than 20, then I'd say let it go. You went on several dates, liked him, but hadn't even kissed him? It is completely understandable for the guy to question you as kissing is an indicator whether someone likes you as a friend or boy/girlfriend. You were way to slow for him and too prudish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you just need to look for a guy that's equally prudish. He's not the one for you.

3 dates, and no kissing. Is that bad? I'm new to this.

Female here who did a lot of online dating before meeting fiance (online). Yes, this is bad. In fact, if we didn't kiss on the first date, that wouldn't be a great sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move on to someone you're more comfortable with. You sound like a head case and it's going to be difficult to salvage it with him anyway.

I was assuming that she wanted to give him tips for next time around, not salvage things with him! Clearly he's pushy and inappropriate, might help him to have someone make that clear to him!

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. You want to try and salvage things or you want to give him feedback? If the former, I'd soften your message, but know you probably embarrassed him. If the latter, forget about it. It's too hard to tell what happened here. Was he pressuring you or did he simply get mixed signals? I agree that people shouldn't pressure one another into physical intimacy, but you know, there's something else called flirting. Yes, sometimes people who think they're only flirting are actually applying too much pressure. But, sometimes the person they are flirting with is extra sensitive. If it were me, I would have started with more polite ways to tell him to ease up before telling him to "knock it off," unless he was being a real dick. Hard to know whether your response was proportionate to the offense.