Don't know what to do with 5yo with suspected ADHD

[Anonymous]

We suspect ADHD in our 5yo. We took him to a psychologist this past year (right before 5th bday) who performed testing and said that it was too early for a diagnosis, but it looked like he was a pretty clear cut case and that we could expect a diagnosis in the future. I shared this with our pediatrician at the well child visit, and she concurred. I can't remember exactly how it came up, but both made it seem to me like medicine would be a last resort at this age. He is small for his age and I think that makes medicine even more of a last resort, if I remember correctly, because it can stunt growth.

About 5 months has passed since then and we are not in a great place. He has become harder and harder for me to deal with personally and I have noticed that he is finally starting to see social ramifications for his behavior, which just makes me so sad. He has always had a lot of friends because of his outgoing personality, but he has started to have more and more outbursts when he doesn't get what he wants. I think that it's a lack of impulse control. But the hyper behavior is just crazy. He acts like he is drugged half the time he's so hyper. I know this is not normal.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I am terrified of kindergarten because I think we are going to have real problems. School starts on Monday so I guess we will see. I don't even know which kind of doctor would prescribe medicine for him if we decided to go that route, but then again it may not matter since it sounds like that's not the right route. More than anything, I really feel like a failure as a parent. Most of the time, I do not like my own child and am terribly embarrassed by his behavior. I feel responsible, but at the same time I don't know what I could have done differently.

Can anyone who has BTDT please tell me what to do? I feel so lost.

[Anonymous]

I think you should start aba and do that for a bit. Also try aba. Try some diet changes. In six months if nothing works - try medication. That's what we did. It's not a silver bullet for us but it is for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should start aba and do that for a bit. Also try aba. Try some diet changes. In six months if nothing works - try medication. That's what we did. It's not a silver bullet for us but it is for many.

Should say also try OT. Maybe try a social skills class.

[Anonymous]

NP here. Can ABA help those without ASD?

[Anonymous]

OP that sounds hard.

My only suggestion is tons and tons of vigorous exercise - may even get up early and jog or do a kid friendly circuit before school. And lots of playground and activity after school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Can ABA help those without ASD?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. Can ABA help those without ASD?

Yes.

We did it for defiance and trouble with transitions.

[Anonymous]

OP, see a developmental pediatrician or child psychiatrist. Although official guidelines are not to medicate before age 6, many specialists will medicate at age 5 when indicated. You should also look for a behavioral therapist. ABA is one type of behavioral therapy but it is expensive and insurance may not cover it. Other types of behavioral therapy where you implement a reward system for desired behavior may be effective.

[Anonymous]

My son was informally dx'd by a dev ped the summer between pk 3 and pk 4. Since we did not have an official dx, we enrolled in social skills to help with behaviors. We also took Dr. Shapiro's parenting class to implement structure in the home.


Summer after PK4, my son went to camp. Within a week, I was getting calls. One day, I picked him up and he just started crying. He said to me that he didn't know why he was acting out at camp, that he couldn't control it, and he was sad that he was missing out on the fun since he was getting in trouble.

I made an appt for a neuro psych that week. He was tested in mid Aug and I didn't get the results back until mid Sept. The week before school started, I made an appt with my son's teacher and the guidance counselor to discuss my son and his behaviors. I gave them the heads up that we were waiting on test results but that we suspected ADHD. I told them that I would support them in whatever they needed to do at school, including calling me to pick him up, while we waited for the dx.

The first few weeks were a disaster but the school was patient with us. I do think because I gave them a heads up and they knew I was in the process of getting a dx that they were a bit nicer to me. I did get calls about once a week.

Once we got the the ADHD dx, we went straight to meds. The psych advised me not to tell the teachers we were putting him on meds. This was late Sept. The phone calls stopped that week. In Nov, we had conferences and the teachers commented to me that they didn't know what had changed but all of a sudden it was like a new student showed up in their class.

Everyone feels differently about medication for a young child. For our family, it really was life changing. The lack of tantruming, defiance, and frustration from him brought the tension of the entire household down. We no longer had to walk on eggshells in fear of setting him off.

Self regulation was a huge issue for him and often we had to weigh the impact of the consequence against the forth coming tantrum. That was not fair to our other children who faced consequences for misbehavior.

It's been 2 years since we medicated and my son can now access the tools he learns in social skills groups. He can apply the flexibility concepts in class and at home. My regret is I did not get him medication earlier although I understand drs reluctance to prescribe it to very young children.

As I was going through this process, this board was an enormous source of support and resources. Many of us have been there and we're happy to assist you.

Hang in there....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We suspect ADHD in our 5yo. We took him to a psychologist this past year (right before 5th bday) who performed testing and said that it was too early for a diagnosis, but it looked like he was a pretty clear cut case and that we could expect a diagnosis in the future. I shared this with our pediatrician at the well child visit, and she concurred. I can't remember exactly how it came up, but both made it seem to me like medicine would be a last resort at this age. He is small for his age and I think that makes medicine even more of a last resort, if I remember correctly, because it can stunt growth.

About 5 months has passed since then and we are not in a great place. He has become harder and harder for me to deal with personally and I have noticed that he is finally starting to see social ramifications for his behavior, which just makes me so sad. He has always had a lot of friends because of his outgoing personality, but he has started to have more and more outbursts when he doesn't get what he wants. I think that it's a lack of impulse control. But the hyper behavior is just crazy. He acts like he is drugged half the time he's so hyper. I know this is not normal.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I am terrified of kindergarten because I think we are going to have real problems. School starts on Monday so I guess we will see. I don't even know which kind of doctor would prescribe medicine for him if we decided to go that route, but then again it may not matter since it sounds like that's not the right route. More than anything, I really feel like a failure as a parent. Most of the time, I do not like my own child and am terribly embarrassed by his behavior. I feel responsible, but at the same time I don't know what I could have done differently.

Can anyone who has BTDT please tell me what to do? I feel so lost.

Forgive yourself for being a normal parent. This is not your fault. ADHD, like most other SNs, is just a matter of genetics. There is nothing you did to cause it. But there are effective treatments. You are on the right track by looking for help now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, see a developmental pediatrician or child psychiatrist. Although official guidelines are not to medicate before age 6, many specialists will medicate at age 5 when indicated. You should also look for a behavioral therapist. ABA is one type of behavioral therapy but it is expensive and insurance may not cover it. Other types of behavioral therapy where you implement a reward system for desired behavior may be effective.

It can take awhile to get these appointments (developmental ped or psychiatrist), so it can't hurt to make them now. You can always cancel later if you decide you don't need them. I would suggest developmental ped given your child's age. Also they tend to be well versed in other interventions as well as medication. (Childrens and Kennedy Krieger both have groups - there are also private ones you can find if you search here.)

Also, I highly recommend this class. Dr. Shapiro is a sought after developmental ped and although it's very hard to get into his practice, he does give lots of advice to people in his classes. http://www.parentchildjourney.com/journey/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We suspect ADHD in our 5yo. We took him to a psychologist this past year (right before 5th bday) who performed testing and said that it was too early for a diagnosis, but it looked like he was a pretty clear cut case and that we could expect a diagnosis in the future. I shared this with our pediatrician at the well child visit, and she concurred. I can't remember exactly how it came up, but both made it seem to me like medicine would be a last resort at this age. He is small for his age and I think that makes medicine even more of a last resort, if I remember correctly, because it can stunt growth.

About 5 months has passed since then and we are not in a great place. He has become harder and harder for me to deal with personally and I have noticed that he is finally starting to see social ramifications for his behavior, which just makes me so sad. He has always had a lot of friends because of his outgoing personality, but he has started to have more and more outbursts when he doesn't get what he wants. I think that it's a lack of impulse control. But the hyper behavior is just crazy. He acts like he is drugged half the time he's so hyper. I know this is not normal.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I am terrified of kindergarten because I think we are going to have real problems. School starts on Monday so I guess we will see. I don't even know which kind of doctor would prescribe medicine for him if we decided to go that route, but then again it may not matter since it sounds like that's not the right route. More than anything, I really feel like a failure as a parent. Most of the time, I do not like my own child and am terribly embarrassed by his behavior. I feel responsible, but at the same time I don't know what I could have done differently.

Can anyone who has BTDT please tell me what to do? I feel so lost.

Virtual hugs, OP. My son is a bit younger than yours (he'll be 5 in a few days), but I could have written your post, down to being embarrassed and not liking my son sometimes, feeling helpless and inadequate as a parent. I enrolled DS in K on time (his school started early this month), despite my fear of the unknown, and so far, DS is doing okay. DH and I still hold our breath in anticipation of "that" call or email. We pray DS will continue to do alright and even thrive. We see a behavioral therapist in a couple weeks because we realize we need help. We were advised by KKI to hold off on an evaluation until DS is a bit older. Hang in there. This is a lonely place to be. Especially when you feel like you've tried everything and you're out of ideas and all you want to do is enjoy your child and not worry about him/her so much. Where do you live, OP? Maybe our boys can meet at a park or something and be wild and crazy together

[Anonymous]

OP, we were in the same spot back when our DS was starting K. We knew that it was likely ADHD, but hadn't gotten a formal diagnosis. We gave our teacher a heads up at BTS night, and sure enough, within a few weeks we had a school meeting to discuss a 504. We also got a full work up and testing done right as he turned 6, and then spent the rest of the school year figuring out the right medication and dosage for his situation.

In a nutshell, if you are up front with the school and willing to work with them to figure out the best way to move forward, that makes a big difference.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much to those who responded. I really appreciate it. I am not sure if I should tell the teacher or not. I really go back and forth. I thought we should, but the pediatrician told us not to, to see if the teacher noticed and brought it up on her own. She explained that some kids behave differently in a school setting, without their parents there. I don't think she fully understood the gravity of it though. It will take an adult two seconds to realize there's a problem. The sad thing is that he's a really SWEET kid and wants to please. He is so kind to other kids, and genuinely worries about other kids, wants to make them happy. Parents have even come up to me to comment how kind he is. But sometimes it doesn't come out right and I think that's the ADHD.

For instance, today at back to school orientation or whatever it was called, he wanted to help out the other kids with handing them crayons and telling them how to draw, etc and it just went too far. I know that it comes from a kind place and he's just eager to help. But other people think he's annoying, I'm sure. I think this thing about whether to tell the teacher or not is a tough one, and I just don't know what to do. I am worried that whatever I do will be the wrong decision

We actually took Dr. Dan's classes! Loved him, but they didn't work. They helped a little bit but I think we're dealing with a bigger problem.

Can anyone recommend a specific developmental pediatrician or child psychiatrist? I tried going through Children's and the wait was something like a year so I just gave up. I would obviously prefer if we could get insurance coverage, but at the same time I am so desperate I will do whatever.

15:23, where do you live? We are in McLean! Thanks for your virtual hug, I needed it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much to those who responded. I really appreciate it. I am not sure if I should tell the teacher or not. I really go back and forth. I thought we should, but the pediatrician told us not to, to see if the teacher noticed and brought it up on her own. She explained that some kids behave differently in a school setting, without their parents there. I don't think she fully understood the gravity of it though. It will take an adult two seconds to realize there's a problem. The sad thing is that he's a really SWEET kid and wants to please. He is so kind to other kids, and genuinely worries about other kids, wants to make them happy. Parents have even come up to me to comment how kind he is. But sometimes it doesn't come out right and I think that's the ADHD.

For instance, today at back to school orientation or whatever it was called, he wanted to help out the other kids with handing them crayons and telling them how to draw, etc and it just went too far. I know that it comes from a kind place and he's just eager to help. But other people think he's annoying, I'm sure. I think this thing about whether to tell the teacher or not is a tough one, and I just don't know what to do. I am worried that whatever I do will be the wrong decision

We actually took Dr. Dan's classes! Loved him, but they didn't work. They helped a little bit but I think we're dealing with a bigger problem.

Can anyone recommend a specific developmental pediatrician or child psychiatrist? I tried going through Children's and the wait was something like a year so I just gave up. I would obviously prefer if we could get insurance coverage, but at the same time I am so desperate I will do whatever.

15:23, where do you live? We are in McLean! Thanks for your virtual hug, I needed it!

We went to Sterling Behavioral Health in Ashburn. http://sbhsva.com Their report was very comprehensive and provided the information that we needed to get the dx and for the school to assist with accommodations. Yes, it's in Ashburn. But they take insurance and they have a fairly short wait time.