Food for Thought

[Anonymous]

For those on the fence about AAP for your child, let me give you a perspective you may not get from others on here.

My DD was in AAP from 3rd grade on at a highly regarded center. We later relocated out of state during middle school. She's now in high school. She does very well, but has extreme anxiety/depression and perfectionist tendencies and is in therapy. She dates it back to AAP. She is convinced that AAP is the problem. Now I don't think she is 100% right, but I do think there's something there. The culture of perfection and being top was fully present at her center. She never felt good enough, even though she is very bright and kept up just fine (not the top, not the bottom, just in the pack). Also, I feel that the kids were constantly told how smart they are and now she is just like that old New York Magazine article that talked about praising effort not intelligence. She's just like the kids in the study -- afraid to do anything she won't be the best at doing. As a family, we have never pushed that and were always careful to raise effort not intelligence and I'm not a so-called tiger parent (in fact, I was surprised by her scores and surprised she got in).

Looking back, she says she would not choose an AAP center if she could go back and do it over. She's an introverted math, science, artsy kid -- exactly who I would have thought would be a good choice for a center. Seeing the pain she is in now, I feel we probably made the wrong choice.

I'm sure others will disagree and I think maybe the center is the right choice for some. I just post this so that if your child doesn't get in or in your heart you wonder if it's the wrong choice, you realize it's not necessarily all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The culture of perfection and being top was fully present at her center. She never felt good enough, even though she is very bright and kept up just fine (not the top, not the bottom, just in the pack).

This is precisely why my 8th grade succeeding-in-AAP-Center DS will not be applying to TJ.

Best wishes to your DD, OP.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this was a big reason we opted to stay at our local school, Laurel Ridge. When we toured White Oaks, I didn't like how dispersed the kids were. Laurel Ridge has a level 3 classroom, and accelerated math for students who qualify. From what I've seen, it was fine to me. We're even sending her to the local secondary, Robinson, because she can take Alg. 1 there in 7th and her schedule is full of honors classes.

DD seems to like school, likes learning, is well-adjusted, and has a strong sense of community because she's attended a neighborhood school. She swims year round. I know things will heat up in high school and I'm not in any rush for the AP/IB arms race.

[Anonymous]

I think you are projecting the cause on the center. Your child's personality is what it is. AAP doesn't make a child a perfectionist. It might exacerbate the child's anxiety or perfectionism, but it was there already.

Every center is different. Every kid is different. Don't blame AAP as a whole for whatever proclivities your child has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are projecting the cause on the center. Your child's personality is what it is. AAP doesn't make a child a perfectionist. It might exacerbate the child's anxiety or perfectionism, but it was there already.

Every center is different. Every kid is different. Don't blame AAP as a whole for whatever proclivities your child has.

I don't blame AAP. My child does. My point was that it is a tough culture and not right for every kids (including many, like my child, that had high IQ scores). I want people to think through whether it's right for their child and not be minded by the prestige or whatever. My DD is bright, artsy and incredibly introverted. For her, it fed on her weaknesses and insecurities. Like I said, it could be a good fit for other kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are projecting the cause on the center. Your child's personality is what it is. AAP doesn't make a child a perfectionist. It might exacerbate the child's anxiety or perfectionism, but it was there already.

Every center is different. Every kid is different. Don't blame AAP as a whole for whatever proclivities your child has.

I don't blame AAP. My child does. My point was that it is a tough culture and not right for every kids (including many, like my child, that had high IQ scores). I want people to think through whether it's right for their child and not be minded by the prestige or whatever. My DD is bright, artsy and incredibly introverted. For her, it fed on her weaknesses and insecurities. Like I said, it could be a good fit for other kids.

Agree with this. It's a fabulous program, but like anything, just because someone can do something doesn't mean they should. It's not a popular opinion in the DCUM crowd.

[Anonymous]

It was different for my DC. She was born a perfectionist but she has had a chance to not be perfect in AAP and her teachers have worked hard to push her to try things she isn't perfect at and to fail and accept it. I have seen a lot of growth for her in this area and I think being in the AAP environment helped a lot.

[Anonymous]

Your child is wrong, but it's not surprising that she would have a warped view of things since she's stressed out, depressed, and still being a child, doesn't have much perspective on her life. Give her 20 years.

She should work on not being so negative (ie, blaming something outside of herself for something that comes from inside and that she needs to work on).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The culture of perfection and being top was fully present at her center. She never felt good enough, even though she is very bright and kept up just fine (not the top, not the bottom, just in the pack).

This is precisely why my 8th grade succeeding-in-AAP-Center DS will not be applying to TJ.

Best wishes to your DD, OP.

My DH went to TJ, and he will not let our children apply there for the same reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your child is wrong, but it's not surprising that she would have a warped view of things since she's stressed out, depressed, and still being a child, doesn't have much perspective on her life. Give her 20 years.

She should work on not being so negative (ie, blaming something outside of herself for something that comes from inside and that she needs to work on).

She's working with a therapist, so I imagine she is working on negative thinking.

[Anonymous]

This surely is a cautionary tale. Maybe it indeed was a wrong environment for her. In our house, after 2 years of AAP I'm still waiting for a sliver of the effects described by the OP rub off on my lazy and careless son....

[Anonymous]

OP, my daughter was at Haycock AAP for 3-6 and has the exact same issue and blames it on AAP too. I read the beginning of your post twice because I was honestly wondering if this was something I had written a while back. They were always told that they were the smart kids, placed on a pedestal, and kept completely segregated from the rest of the classes in their grade. I let her make the choice to go to the center or not. I wish I had known what I was getting her into.

[Anonymous]

I am currently a homebound teacher with FCPS, and I have to say that we are inundated with requests from students who have anxiety issues or are suicidal from the pressures placed on them over time. AAP centers may be a good fit for some, but not for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This surely is a cautionary tale. Maybe it indeed was a wrong environment for her. In our house, after 2 years of AAP I'm still waiting for a sliver of the effects described by the OP rub off on my lazy and careless son....

I have two very different children. Both AAP. One more of a perfectionist, more anxious the other more well like the above posters comment.

If a teacher makes the comment "I need everyone to try harder" to the whole class, child number one will angst for days and internalize though the comment is rarely meant for her. Child number two would assume unless his name was specifically mentioned, it wasn't meant for him (though it more than likely was).

We try to work with child number 1 on not "dying on every hill", mindfulness and positive thinking.
Child number 2 we try and work on being more industrious and putting in more than a cursory effort.

Child number 2 is doing very well at a center. We elected to keep one at base school which has a level iv class. Different personalities need different environments to develop positively. I honestly think a center would have been toxic for child one and the base school would not have helped child 2 work on the executive functioning like he needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was different for my DC. She was born a perfectionist but she has had a chance to not be perfect in AAP and her teachers have worked hard to push her to try things she isn't perfect at and to fail and accept it. I have seen a lot of growth for her in this area and I think being in the AAP environment helped a lot.

Yes, OP, if your child stayed in Gen Ed, she would have been at the top of her class, number 1 in everything. Wouldn't that have been just as detrimental?