I have zero friends

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with me? I'm 26 years old and have no friends except my fiancé. I am a bit shy and this has been a problem almost my entire life. I get along nicely with everyone, but do not make friends. It has never bothered me until recently. I don't have kids, drink, or smoke like a lot of my peers. Is there a way to make friends at this age? I feel lonely, although I have a great fiancé.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to add that I admittedly do not have any hobbies. I work, hang out with my fiancé, go to bed, repeat. I also have clinical depression and anxiety disorders, which I'm sure play a role.

[Anonymous]

You're young, you should have friends. Does your mate not have friends either ?

You need some couple friends. Play cards, eat some snack food, laugh.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can make friends if you put in the work. I recommend reading "the shyness and social anxiety woorkbook". It's really helpful. I also recommend regularly taking herbs that help with drepression and anxiety like lemon balm and St. John's wort if you are not currently on medication. Also get 30 mins min of time in the sun a day. The more time with nature the better for lifting your mood. Lastly get at least one hobby. If you want friends you will have to stop making excuses and start challenging some of your habitual behaviors that have lead to being friendless.

[Anonymous]

My fiancé has a handful of friends, but all of them are single and come across to us as immature (heavy partying, etc.) so we stopped hanging out with them. He has work friends that are in relationships or are married. Maybe we could initiate a deeper friendship with them. I think it's only bothering me now because we very recently got engaged and are thinking about our wedding. My sister will be my maid of honor, but I don't think I will have any bridesmaids I've been extremely introverted my entire life, so I guess this is what I get.

[Anonymous]

Don't worry. Quality, not quantity. The friends I had at 24 were not that many for me, then oddly that changed right around late 20s, when the stragglers that were immature settled down (or we went separate ways for the most part).

A couples game night is a great way to meet people with your finance's work friends, and helps with conversation starters, etc.

Your life is not over! The best years are truly ahead of you. It got better for me at 29. I'm 37 and divorcing now and couldn't be happier with the beautiful network that has built through time and gradual trust.

Also, strongly 2nd the PP recommendation to get a HOBBY. What do you like to do? Journal, scrapbook, photography, volunteer at a vet, hospital, cook, books/tv shows - try MeetUp or FB groups based on some interests. If you like to run, join a run group or yoga group, where you will see people regularly and force yourself to start a conversation, small talk.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

[Anonymous]

I'm 40, married, and have two kids. I'm not suggesting you c change who you are, but it occurred to me when reading your post that after high school., most of my friendships came about through drinking, smoking, and then much later, kids. I think at 26, your best bet is to find a hobby. If "couple friends" is what you are after, invite some of your finance's work friends for dinner.

[Anonymous]

great advice above and I want to add something totally off the wall--for anxiety, eat fermented foods (sauerkraut, kimchi, etc). You probably have to start small but eat them every day and build up.

If you look at the research (NIH etc) fermented foods feed a type of bacteria in your gut that is somehow communicating with your brain and decreases social anxiety.

This "gut biome" is just being explored now and it really is a little bit of you are what you eat.

[Anonymous]

To make friends you have to be a friend. Put in work with someone that strikes you as a person you want to develop a friendship with. Do the work. Call them, invite them, repeatedly. Don't shy away, second guess yourself and bail.
Go out on a limb. That's how I do it. I have a lot of friends some from high school, jobs, from kids school friends and sports, etc. There has to be something you enjoy doing and if not, you should actively try to start figuring out something.

[Anonymous]

What qualities attracted your fiancé to you? You must have some qualities that others would find attractive. Find opportunities to join any kinds of groups that create interactions.

[Anonymous]

You need to get out beyond coworkers, etc. There are TONS of 26 year olds who are childless and do not smoke or drink to excess.

[Anonymous]

Take up an outdoorsy hobby, and then join a meetup group.

Being outdoors helps alleviate depression and anxiety. A meetup group gives you structure and goals for your hobby and your social life, in a low key way. GL!

[Anonymous]

I didn't have many friends at 26, either. I had a boyfriend, but we moved and landed somewhere new, and I just didn't have the community I had before. I ended up with some ok friends through work, but it is really only after having children that I've made a bunch of good, new friends again. And as I've gotten older, I've become better at just putting myself out there, and soliciting friendships ... with people who don't even have children, or whose children decidedly don't like mine!

This may be temporary. Take some of the good suggestions above. Get active. Put yourself out there. Invite people places, and ask them questions. Most people like to talk about themselves, and they like you better for asking questions about their life.

You can do this.

[Anonymous]

Figure out what you want from friends and whether these are actually better filled in other ways.

For example, I used to vent by text a lot to my friends about my work site. I changed sites (same employer) and the need to vent daily vanished.

Also, I felt bad about not liking a popular tv show that people seem to watch with friends. I felt lonely on those nights, but discovered it was a perfect time to hit the gym. No wait for my favorite machines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé has a handful of friends, but all of them are single and come across to us as immature (heavy partying, etc.) so we stopped hanging out with them. He has work friends that are in relationships or are married. Maybe we could initiate a deeper friendship with them. I think it's only bothering me now because we very recently got engaged and are thinking about our wedding. My sister will be my maid of honor, but I don't think I will have any bridesmaids I've been extremely introverted my entire life, so I guess this is what I get.

At my wedding, my sister was the maid of honor and my husband's brother was the best man, no other bridesmaids or groomsmen. I have attended a few weddings like mine and I thought they were lovely. How many people married 10+years are still in touch with their wedding party?