are your retired in-laws living with you permanently? if so, hows it going?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if I am ready to make this life change but damn... can't do much about it.

[Anonymous]

No.

We talked w both sets of parents long beforehand to go coed their finances and plans. We even contributed a position to their long term care premiums since we want to avoid running a nursing home in our basement, while raising our own kids at the same time.
Likewise neither set of parents wanted to be a burden so culturally and philosophically everyone was in the same page.

[Anonymous]

OP, my in-law is merely staying with us for a few months, and it's DRIVING ME BATTY!

Why are your in-laws living with you? How old are they? What's your guest set-up? Do they have a separate space? Are you and your spouse doing all the cooking and looking after them, do they pitch in, or are they pretty independent? How does your spouse feel about it? Any siblings who could share the burden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my in-law is merely staying with us for a few months, and it's DRIVING ME BATTY!

Why are your in-laws living with you?

its what my spouse wants.

How old are they?
nearing 70


What's your guest set-up? Do they have a separate space?
shopping for house. apparently a bedroom is not enough so we will be spending 30k more for an inlaw suite.

Are you and your spouse doing all the cooking and looking after them
no. they will have their own kitchenette area. they are healthy.

, do they pitch in, or are they pretty independent?
im guessing childcare..they are pretty independent.


How does your spouse feel about it?
not sure. spouse feels that it is a way to "return a payment" like its owed/expected?.


Any siblings who could share the burden?
yes there are siblings, but seem to take the approach of "things will work out" mentality. it seems they a relying on my spouse.

[Anonymous]

My MIL lived with us for a few months before she moved to assisted living, and it drove me nuts.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

My ILs retired and moved up from Florida to be near the grand kids. Once we ran the numbers on their retirement savings, it became clear that they would not be able to live independently in the DC area for an extended period of time.

We opted instead to build an addition - a separate but attached in-law suite. Things have been going generally well so far - it's been a year. But my ILs are still young (mid-60s) and do not have mobility/mental issues so that's a plus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My ILs retired and moved up from Florida to be near the grand kids. Once we ran the numbers on their retirement savings, it became clear that they would not be able to live independently in the DC area for an extended period of time.

We opted instead to build an addition - a separate but attached in-law suite. Things have been going generally well so far - it's been a year. But my ILs are still young (mid-60s) and do not have mobility/mental issues so that's a plus.

are the inlaws all around the main house?

has it affected your relationships with spouse and kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my in-law is merely staying with us for a few months, and it's DRIVING ME BATTY!

Why are your in-laws living with you?

its what my spouse wants.

How old are they?
nearing 70


What's your guest set-up? Do they have a separate space?
shopping for house. apparently a bedroom is not enough so we will be spending 30k more for an inlaw suite.

Are you and your spouse doing all the cooking and looking after them
no. they will have their own kitchenette area. they are healthy.

, do they pitch in, or are they pretty independent?
im guessing childcare..they are pretty independent.


How does your spouse feel about it?
not sure. spouse feels that it is a way to "return a payment" like its owed/expected?.


Any siblings who could share the burden?
yes there are siblings, but seem to take the approach of "things will work out" mentality. it seems they a relying on my spouse.

Wow, OP. Is spouse South asian, by any chance?

[Anonymous]

My semi-retired MIL lives with us. It...has its ups and downs. I would prefer if she lived on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My ILs retired and moved up from Florida to be near the grand kids. Once we ran the numbers on their retirement savings, it became clear that they would not be able to live independently in the DC area for an extended period of time.

We opted instead to build an addition - a separate but attached in-law suite. Things have been going generally well so far - it's been a year. But my ILs are still young (mid-60s) and do not have mobility/mental issues so that's a plus.

are the inlaws all around the main house?

has it affected your relationships with spouse and kids?

Yes, the ILs come into the main house. They have a kitchenette but we all eat dinner together. They also help out with the ES-aged kids - my FIL is an assistant soccer coach (former PE teacher) to one of my son's teams, and my MIL does a lot of chauffering and laundry for us. Both DH and I work - I work out of the house, while DH has a home office but works for a large international company.

[Anonymous]

No.

I'm East Asian, and it's traditionally the norm to have aging parents live with you. When my mom moved to this area to be closer to the grandkid, we briefly toyed with the idea of having her live with us. I was surprised that DH actually thought about building an addition. But even my mom's friend strongly advised us no. There would be no peace from her constant meddling. So we scrapped the idea and helped her find a condo nearby. Works perfect for us.

I'm sure in some case it works out well, but you really have to know their personalities. Respect for boundaries and differing personal choices are key first prerequisite.

[Anonymous]

We are living with the inlaws for a few months while we sell our home and buy a new one (out of state).

It's going well- our dog has company during the day and gourmet meals. They help with childcare/drop off and pick up. Their cooking is out of this world and they don't let us cook. We have to push it for them to let us help them clean. Often they do our kids or our laundry. I may never move out. DH is ready for our own place I think though.

[Anonymous]

It was my parents, not ILs, who actually took us in. They couldn't manage stairs anymore and we have a completed basement (in-law suite?) with full kitchen and bath.

We were newly married and had a son that was the spitting image of my dad. They stated their case for four months before I agreed.

All it amounted to was me making extra food at every meal to relieve my mother of the chore, and taking DS down for visits every once in a while. Maybe I helped them with their tv or something. Very light work on my part. I did have to deal with them having, of course, full run of the house. That meant no entertaining while they were still alive and moving out of the living room whenever they wanted to watch something upstairs.

But, I have beautiful memories of my very sick father playing with my son. And, my mother loved to feed DS. I have a picture of her stealing his food, which is really funny. My mother had very, very long hair that I would blow out for her while we chatted or watched one of her Lifetime shows.

I have no regrets. Their ashes are still in the house. They spent their lives taking care of me. I had the honor of giving back before they were gone.

I sleep well at night knowing that I lived up to my own sense of myself. That's something no one can take away from you.

[Anonymous]

I think my MIL would like to. FIL is semi-retired, simply because he likes his work. We have an in-law apartment in our house and I think it would go fine. They would need minimal encouragement to join groups, make friends, go places, etc. They're very easy-going. I foresee this happening in our future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My ILs retired and moved up from Florida to be near the grand kids. Once we ran the numbers on their retirement savings, it became clear that they would not be able to live independently in the DC area for an extended period of time.

We opted instead to build an addition - a separate but attached in-law suite. Things have been going generally well so far - it's been a year. But my ILs are still young (mid-60s) and do not have mobility/mental issues so that's a plus.

are the inlaws all around the main house?

has it affected your relationships with spouse and kids?

Yes, the ILs come into the main house. They have a kitchenette but we all eat dinner together. They also help out with the ES-aged kids - my FIL is an assistant soccer coach (former PE teacher) to one of my son's teams, and my MIL does a lot of chauffering and laundry for us. Both DH and I work - I work out of the house, while DH has a home office but works for a large international company.

That sounds like a mutually symbiotic relationship. Glad that it is working nicely for all of you!