To Grandmother's House We Go?

[Anonymous]

Is there ever an obligation to provide grandparents with weeklong grandchild visits?

My parents are fairly local, but my mom acts like it is her earthly right to take our oldest for multiple days. We DO allow overnights, but she is relentless about asking for longer visits. I'm just not ready for that (DC is 6, for what it's worth, and frankly, I don't think she could handle a week away, even with grandma and grandpa.)

I'm sure I will be ready when she's older and she says this is something she'd like to do.

I'm starting to feel like I'm being gaslighted into thinking this is a right when she tells me, "I really wish you'd let me take DC for a week!"

Where does privilege end and obligation begin?

[Anonymous]

6 is plenty old enough to go to Grandma's house for a week. The fact that you aren't ready for it doesn't mean your child isn't. Let them have their own relationship which isn't tainted by your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Why not? Is she not a good caretaker? Do you not get along with your mom? I'm trying to understand your aversion to this.

[Anonymous]

Nope, you are not obligated. Don't say yes until you are comfortable with it. There is some reason why you're not ready with the idea and why it doesn't sit well with you. Until you figure that out or it dissipates, you allow what you're comfortable allowing.

[Anonymous]

Ask your child if she wants to go.

[Anonymous]

If my parents weren't evangelical Christians, I would absolutely send my kids to Camp Grandma/Grandpa for a week. They live near a beautiful national park and the kids would get lots of outdoor time. But in reality, my parents would spend the week trying to indoctrinate my kids and I am having none of that!!

[Anonymous]

Age 6 is actually a good time. An older kid may be less appreciative of grandparent attention. If my child wanted to go, I'd say yes. Not because your mother is somehow entitled, tho.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents lived 20 minutes away and we never stayed over more than one or two nights. And guess what? We still loved them.

[Anonymous]

My mom does this, too. I would allow it but my DS doesn't want to go because grandma is too strict and nitpicks at him. That causes a whole other can of worms.

[Anonymous]

If your Mom is being "relentless", she is being rude. You speak your mind. You should only have to speak it once and she should not be bringing up the subject for a long time. You should not tolerate rudeness from another adult, any other adult. Consider this - - if you need motivation, a backbone - - you need to model healthy behavior for your child. As a parent that is your chief responsibility. And adults handle things. Someone getting mad or disappointed re: your decision, is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

While I think 6 is a great age for a week with grandma, I don't like that your mother is "relentless" about it. I think part of what makes a wonderful grandma is understanding that sometimes parents might do things differently and working within that framework.

However, with how expensive summer camps and the like are, I'd totally take advantage of her excitement, if she is an otherwise good caretaker. Maybe start with a long weekend, then a Mon-Fri, then a full week.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone.

I think my daughter *thinks* she would like to go, and my mom *thinks* she could handle it for all that time, but my daughter comes home very much relieved to be back in her own bed after overnights. She's hesitant when we leave her for them, too. I just don't feel she's ready, and I think I'd worry about whether she was sleeping, crying (she cried the whole night to herself once when she was there), or wanting to come home and being afraid to ask (she doesn't like to hurt feelings.)

[Anonymous]

If your DD is not ready, she's not ready. But for a lot of kids it would be fine, and your mom is probably afraid that after a few more years she won't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DD is not ready, she's not ready. But for a lot of kids it would be fine, and your mom is probably afraid that after a few more years she won't want to.

I guess this is why I question whether I should allow her this privilege, at the possible cost of my daughter's comfort. And if she goes and hates it, will she try again when she's older? Do I force it?

I never had overnights with my grandparents and still loved them too. My parents GET overnights. I simply don't understand why that's not enough.

[Anonymous]

There is no obligation to do anything, OP.
Grandparents have no rights.