To Grandmother's House We Go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DD is not ready, she's not ready. But for a lot of kids it would be fine, and your mom is probably afraid that after a few more years she won't want to.

I guess this is why I question whether I should allow her this privilege, at the possible cost of my daughter's comfort. And if she goes and hates it, will she try again when she's older? Do I force it?

I never had overnights with my grandparents and still loved them too. My parents GET overnights. I simply don't understand why that's not enough.

It IS enough. I never had overnights with my grandparents either and still loved them. I wouldn't force it. You're not comfortable with it, and your daughter may not be comfortable with it. Agree with the PP who said if your mother gets mad at your decision that is irrelevant. Your child, your decisions.

[Anonymous]

If your mom is insistent despite clear hesitation by your daughter that to me is the biggest warning sign.

Keep with the overnights at best for now and keep talking about it with your daughter. Tell your mom it's about your DD, not her and you'll do what is best for your DD.

[Anonymous]

How about an open ended visit, telling your daughter she can stay as long as she's comfortable, and telling your mom that if you don't get a call when your daughter is uncomfortable this time there will never be a next time. Maybe the kid can handle three or four days, maybe the grandma can handle being flexible and honest about how it's going.

[Anonymous]

A week is a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about an open ended visit, telling your daughter she can stay as long as she's comfortable, and telling your mom that if you don't get a call when your daughter is uncomfortable this time there will never be a next time. Maybe the kid can handle three or four days, maybe the grandma can handle being flexible and honest about how it's going.

This is a terrible idea. It puts the burden of making a tough decision on the child so that OP can avoid saying no to her mom. It's likely that the little girl would suffer through much longer than she'd like to avoid hurting Grandma's feelings. Terrible parenting.

OP, be a grown up and tell your mom that a week is too long. Discussion over. Tell her you're okay with DD spending a weekend (or however many days you think DD can handle) with her.

[Anonymous]

If the grandmother has the energy to keep up with a six year old and the six year old is happy with the prospect of a week with grandma what's the problem? I remember spending time with my GM when I was about that age and I loved it. I don't know how long I was there but it is one of my earliest memories. I'd recommend she start with a 3-4 day visit so she doesn't burn out.

[Anonymous]

You have to be honest in telling your mom that while your child loves being with her and doing fun things, she comes home from overnights out of sorts. Some kids are homebodies and prefer less change. Just ask Grandma to give Child a little more time to mature before she pushes for longer vacations. And you need to teach your child to speak up for her needs too. She may not like to let down others, but this is an important skill for her to learn to delicately balance her own needs against the feelings of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone.

I think my daughter *thinks* she would like to go, and my mom *thinks* she could handle it for all that time, but my daughter comes home very much relieved to be back in her own bed after overnights. She's hesitant when we leave her for them, too. I just don't feel she's ready, and I think I'd worry about whether she was sleeping, crying (she cried the whole night to herself once when she was there), or wanting to come home and being afraid to ask (she doesn't like to hurt feelings.)

I used to have a favorite bed at my Grandma's house to stay in. Maybe you could get her a special comforter or stuffed animal to keep at Grandma's to make her bed/bedroom feel more homey? I am "team grandma" here but mostly because I had fun, positive experiences at that age staying over. But I know every kid is different.

[Anonymous]

Why not let her try it out?

Since she's local, you can be there lickety split to pick her up of its not working out?

I know you say you're not ready, but the time apart will do you good. I was the same exact way as you, my daughter was completely attached to me & the first day she was away I cried, she cried (not together, lol).

Second night we FaceTimed a few times during the day & I read her a storyat bedtime.

The next night only FaceTimed at bedtime & after that random FaceTimes when she needed me.

My husband and I felt like we were dating again, we went out to dinner, to the movies, to the park for a walk, out for drinks, all on work nights! We had a blast & so did my DD.

She was fine as long as she knew that she could teach me by FaceTime or come home anytime & I was fine as soon as I got it through my thick skull that this was the woman who raised me into the kind, loving, responsible person I am today.

It will be good for you both... I know it's hard thinking about the "what ifs" but it will be fine.